Why did I get the side eye from a CURLY!!

Ok.. So I for those who have seen some of my convos or read some of my responses it is known I am in Bag-h-dad Iraq. Well.... I went a couple of days ago and got the front of my hair braided really cute and have the fro in the back. Tonight we went to poetry night that is held every other Saturday. So as I walk in I noticed this other curly with a TWA a little shorter than mine. She saw me and gave me the side eye IMMEDIATELY. So she walks by and and gives me yet another side eye and my friends look at me like she got her nerve (because her hair was a little dry). One of my friends then asked if I had my hair pic on me because she must have patted down to much. I let them know because I am natural I do not have all of the answers. But we all have to start somewhere. I am also new to the natural seen I BCd on September 10, 2009 and you all know I am full of questions and have become a PJ. But the continuous side eye was FOR WHAT. Every time I looked her way she was looking at me with the eye and I kept trying to do the friendly nod and smile and got a roll eye in return. Well at that point I was like so much for the natural support. I mean usually when I see another natural or someone with a TWA we usually either say congrats or whats up sista. But for some unknown reason she just kept looking at me like I did something wrong. My friends then asked me a good question... Is there such thing as curly envy? And as a natural chica shouldn't we be supportive? I have gotten side eyes from permies but a curly. I AM SHOCKED. Help me understand ya'll! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Maybe she just thought you were ugly, fat or found something else she thought was worth giving the "side eye" too. Not everyone is constantly thinking about your hair. Maybe she was having a bad day and just decided to be rude. Doesn't have to be some big thing or some discussion about what some strangers possible emotional issues or whatever other crap some of the "ladies" on here will come up with.

hmmmm.. I do not think that the women on this site come up with "crap" by sharing a piece of themselves with us. We all as women should be comfortable in our own skin. Fortunately enough for me I know I ROCK.. I am the thickness and ugly is a state of mind that I do not have an issue with inside or out. Everyone has their bad days emotional regardless of what your hair looks like. But as a woman you learn not to side eye, be rude, or take your anger out on a complete stranger. I could care less how anyone feels about me or my hair, but this is an open forum for us to as they say during poetry night "SPEAK ON IT".

We have curlies on here that speak and never know who else on here is going through the same thing. Or know someone who has the same issue. This is a forum where women can come and vent about whatever may have effected their life hair or not.. But being it is a natural hair site, I love the support from the curlies. Some are older than others but wisdom is wisdom. It is of you to take it or not. Hence I asked the questions that I did.

***repeating***
Is there such thing as curly envy? And as a natural chica shouldn't we
be supportive?

Let me know curlies..
ROCKING OUT WIT MY FRO OUT [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

ktoliver5303 wrote:hmmmm.. I do not think that the women on this site come up with "crap" by sharing a piece of themselves with us. We all as women should be comfortable in our own skin. Fortunately enough for me I know I ROCK.. I am the thickness and ugly is a state of mind that I do not have an issue with inside or out. Everyone has their bad days emotional regardless of what your hair looks like. But as a woman you learn not to side eye, be rude, or take your anger out on a complete stranger. I could care less how anyone feels about me or my hair, but this is an open forum for us to as they say during poetry night "SPEAK ON IT".

We have curlies on here that speak and never know who else on here is going through the same thing. Or know someone who has the same issue. This is a forum where women can come and vent about whatever may have effected their life hair or not.. But being it is a natural hair site, I love the support from the curlies. Some are older than others but wisdom is wisdom. It is of you to take it or not. Hence I asked the questions that I did.

***repeating***
Is there such thing as curly envy? And as a natural chica shouldn't we
be supportive?

Let me know curlies..
ROCKING OUT WIT MY FRO OUT [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

1. 'Women' is not a group mentality and no we're not taught the same thing and neither do we all act the same. The only thing you and the next woman have in common is a vagina honestly. LOL Other than that it's a free country and no one is immune to someone being rude to them, nor should you or anyone be.

2. If you didn't care you wouldn't notice it in the first place, I'm sure I get all kinds of nasty looks yet I am too focused on myself to worry about what some random stranger whose life is meaningless to me natural or not, black or white is thinking or looking at.

3. This is the answer you want "GURLLLLL SHE WAS JUST HATIN' CUZ U KNO UGLY WOMEN BE LIKE THAT, DO U GURLLL" Happy? lol Except I highly doubt she found anything to envy, and I highly doubt she was giving you a second thought after she went home, or to whatever place she was heading to. You on the other hand are still hung up on a complete stranger and ranting about *GASP* someone giving you a look you didn't like to other complete strangers.

I mean really? LOL don't people work anymore? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

ktoliver5303 wrote:hmmmm.. I do not think that the women on this site come up with "crap" by sharing a piece of themselves with us. We all as women should be comfortable in our own skin. Fortunately enough for me I know I ROCK.. I am the thickness and ugly is a state of mind that I do not have an issue with inside or out. Everyone has their bad days emotional regardless of what your hair looks like. But as a woman you learn not to side eye, be rude, or take your anger out on a complete stranger. I could care less how anyone feels about me or my hair, but this is an open forum for us to as they say during poetry night "SPEAK ON IT".

We have curlies on here that speak and never know who else on here is going through the same thing. Or know someone who has the same issue. This is a forum where women can come and vent about whatever may have effected their life hair or not.. But being it is a natural hair site, I love the support from the curlies. Some are older than others but wisdom is wisdom. It is of you to take it or not. Hence I asked the questions that I did.

***repeating***
Is there such thing as curly envy? And as a natural chica shouldn't we
be supportive?

Let me know curlies..
ROCKING OUT WIT MY FRO OUT [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

If we were in church, I'd be shoutin "preach." Your experience may speak to the "there's only room for one of us" syndrome. Sometimes, we get used to being the "only" or one of few and when someone else steps on our turf, we don't appreciate it. As for Tutu's response, I'll defer to your diplomatic words above ktoliver cuz my momma says, "if you can't say nothin nice..." lol

Hey Kt, I was thinking the same thing as Erica about the "only one syndrome"! I never experience it with hair, but in high school I went to punk shows on a regular basis and I would notice that there was usually one other person of color in the venue....avoiding me like the plague. I think it's a combination of the only one syndrome and not seeming threatning by "ganging up" in mixed company. It's sad. Of course I can't say that is is exactly what was happening but it's common

TutuKia...You okay?

Erica5417 and ShugAvery you are both pretty much right. I have a mentor out here (she is military and have to wear a hat all day but her hair is BANGING) and I talk a lot with the other curlies. Because even though I love my friends they are not ALWAYS supportive. My friend had just told me not even 30 min before that for me to comb a perm or texturizer through my hair. But for them to say wth is wrong wit her.. Why she looking at your head wit the side eye. I KNOW it had to be something... By the way she was looking at me and snickering to her friend I dunno.. Thanks ladies for your respectable, supportive and understanding input. Of course it is respected and appreciated. Erica5417 your hair is adorable. ShugsAvrey I am sure yours is too.. So ADD A PIC!! LOL!

I think there is a such thing as curl envy and I've been on the receiving end of it. There is a woman that I work with who has natural hair and we have yet to speak about it. I speak with all the other black women (who are relaxed) about hair and other stuff, but this one lady is just very short with me. Sometimes I catch her staring at my hair, but she won't say anything...she'll flash a fake smile and go about her business. I honestly think her hair looks like ramen noodles and want to tell her to go easy on the gel, but hey, its her loss!!

NOT RAMEN NOODLES!! LMAO!! HIL-ARIOUS!! I think as women some tend to get catty over stupid stuff other than talk about it. But I wouldnt give you a side eye but I WILL say your hair is AWESOME. You keep being your beautiful self and she will either come around or get over it.

With the chic out here.. She is military, I am civilian so I may literally never see her again. But I will continue to smile at her regardless every time I see her, she was an adorable girl.

I will also tell my friends to stop looking at me every time they see a "dusty fro" as they call it. Like I just walk around with a hair pic and oil or something. I had to just inform my friend of that tonight..

Yes! There is a such thing as curl envy - I have experienced it. I don't think my hair is any better than that next but I have gotten "hated" like I do.

One example, I have an associate that recently went natural. We share a mutual friend. The associate and I talk hair a lot and share tips. I even sent her a link to my blog for a tip. A week later our mutual friend was talking to the "associate" about how she liked my hair that week. The associate caught a bad attitude and said "it's alright." Then our friend asked her if she had seen my blog - the associate lied and said "no, I didn't know she had one."

I was like ooookaaay. It's whatever. I'm not loosing any sleep over her foolishness. So rock your curls let the hater hate. Hating is bad for your curls

Erica5417 wrote:

ktoliver5303 wrote:hmmmm.. I do not think that the women on this site come up with "crap" by sharing a piece of themselves with us. We all as women should be comfortable in our own skin. Fortunately enough for me I know I ROCK.. I am the thickness and ugly is a state of mind that I do not have an issue with inside or out. Everyone has their bad days emotional regardless of what your hair looks like. But as a woman you learn not to side eye, be rude, or take your anger out on a complete stranger. I could care less how anyone feels about me or my hair, but this is an open forum for us to as they say during poetry night "SPEAK ON IT".

We have curlies on here that speak and never know who else on here is going through the same thing. Or know someone who has the same issue. This is a forum where women can come and vent about whatever may have effected their life hair or not.. But being it is a natural hair site, I love the support from the curlies. Some are older than others but wisdom is wisdom. It is of you to take it or not. Hence I asked the questions that I did.

***repeating***
Is there such thing as curly envy? And as a natural chica shouldn't we
be supportive?

Let me know curlies..
ROCKING OUT WIT MY FRO OUT [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

If we were in church, I'd be shoutin "preach." Your experience may speak to the "there's only room for one of us" syndrome. Sometimes, we get used to being the "only" or one of few and when someone else steps on our turf, we don't appreciate it. As for Tutu's response, I'll defer to your diplomatic words above ktoliver cuz my momma says, "if you can't say nothin nice..." lol

lol i was JUST about to say that...smh.
but yeah females tend to give that look when their envious of something you have, whether it be your curls, confidence, or something else...just use it as fuel to keep doing what you're doing...haters are your motivators lol

ok I am up now. Good Morning..Indeed... I do have a high self esteem. But, the only thing I can do is like what you said ir19109... It is a shame that some African American females have the crab in a bucket syndrome where you have to try to pull one another down. I really do pray that she grows with in herself (she looked like a youngin).

GOOD LOOK SHUGAVEY ON THE AVATAR!!! I knew your hair would rock and you proved me RIGHT!!

Girl, I don't know what else to say. Maybe she felt like she would have stood out more if she was the ONLY ONE??? IDK, some people just don't like to see people just like them out (in appearance, i.e. naturally curly). Esp. if they felt like that was their signature. I have gotten the side eye before and I just stated it to my friends that were present and kept it moving. Just shake your fro and smile and move on! You know sometimes we can't help ourselves when we are confident. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

KeishaMac... You took the words right our of my mouth bout we can not help ourselves when we are confident..

Thanks KT! I was actually trying to figure out how to add the picture when I read your message.

I really wish women could get better at eliminating competition amongst ourselves. There's no need to alienate each other.

TutuKia wrote:

ktoliver5303 wrote:hmmmm.. I do not think that the women on this site come up with "crap" by sharing a piece of themselves with us. We all as women should be comfortable in our own skin. Fortunately enough for me I know I ROCK.. I am the thickness and ugly is a state of mind that I do not have an issue with inside or out. Everyone has their bad days emotional regardless of what your hair looks like. But as a woman you learn not to side eye, be rude, or take your anger out on a complete stranger. I could care less how anyone feels about me or my hair, but this is an open forum for us to as they say during poetry night "SPEAK ON IT".

We have curlies on here that speak and never know who else on here is going through the same thing. Or know someone who has the same issue. This is a forum where women can come and vent about whatever may have effected their life hair or not.. But being it is a natural hair site, I love the support from the curlies. Some are older than others but wisdom is wisdom. It is of you to take it or not. Hence I asked the questions that I did.

***repeating***
Is there such thing as curly envy? And as a natural chica shouldn't we
be supportive?

Let me know curlies..
ROCKING OUT WIT MY FRO OUT [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

1. 'Women' is not a group mentality and no we're not taught the same thing and neither do we all act the same. The only thing you and the next woman have in common is a vagina honestly. LOL Other than that it's a free country and no one is immune to someone being rude to them, nor should you or anyone be.

2. If you didn't care you wouldn't notice it in the first place, I'm sure I get all kinds of nasty looks yet I am too focused on myself to worry about what some random stranger whose life is meaningless to me natural or not, black or white is thinking or looking at.

3. This is the answer you want "GURLLLLL SHE WAS JUST HATIN' CUZ U KNO UGLY WOMEN BE LIKE THAT, DO U GURLLL" Happy? lol Except I highly doubt she found anything to envy, and I highly doubt she was giving you a second thought after she went home, or to whatever place she was heading to. You on the other hand are still hung up on a complete stranger and ranting about *GASP* someone giving you a look you didn't like to other complete strangers.

I mean really? LOL don't people work anymore? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

LOL I really don't think she was looking for the answer "GURLLLLL SHE WAS JUST HATIN' CUZ U KNO UGLY WOMEN BE LIKE THAT,
DO U GURLLL." I'm sure she was expressing her thoughts which is what a forum is for....And why did it have to be in ebonics smh..... no need to put another person's comments down while expressing your thoughts....

@Janique I was thinking the same thing

@ktoliver I agree with the other ladies that she probably wanted to be the only natural or she could of possibly just been having a bad day

@Tutukia Why don't you have a profile pic and why do you always come in a thread talking ish? And I noticed in other threads you tend to tell other ladies on here to go to the LHCF all the time if you feel that one is better and you always have something negative to say about the ladies here why don't you bim and go to that forum? Just a few questions I had on my mind and I find it simpler to put it in paragraph format than to list it by numbers. I am able to count the amount of questions or comments I have written if need be without listing them in number format.

Hollis wrote:@Janique I was thinking the same thing

@ktoliver I agree with the other ladies that she probably wanted to be the only natural or she could of possibly just been having a bad day

@Tutukia Why don't you have a profile pic and why do you always come in a thread talking ish? And I noticed in other threads you tend to tell other ladies on here to go to the LHCF all the time if you feel that one is better and you always have something negative to say about the ladies here why don't you bim and go to that forum? Just a few questions I had on my mind and I find it simpler to put it in paragraph format than to list it by numbers. I am able to count the amount of questions or comments I have written if need be without listing them in number format.

lmao. girl, you read my mind...

@ Janique - you are correct I use this forum as everyone else to vent and to share my thoughts on the journey to being natural. Curlynikki.com is like my Facebook for naturals. Even though we are all individuals we have something in common and may go through the same thing. Thanks for your support.

@ShugAvery - You know we did a secret valentines gift exchange and the girl that choose me gave me red lipstick. I was kinda thinking I couldnt rock it but you are fabulous with it on. So that will be wit one of my outfits in VEGAS when I go at the beginning of April.

@ Hollis - LOL! SPEAK ON IT!! For a sec I thought Tutukia was the girl the way she responded so negatively, but then I remembered that she stated before that she was still in High School (in one of her threads). With that in mind and considering my 10 year high school reunion is this year......... yeah, after that last bit she had, being an adult I know that you just have to let it ride and continue to be fabulous.... LOL!

What is LHCF?

*sigh*

@kt - i hope u found some support from our curly sisters.
its no real explanation why some ppl give us the *side eye* sometimes u got to shrug it off.
you are beautiful regardless

ktoliver5303 wrote:@ Janique - you are correct I use this forum as everyone else to vent and to share my thoughts on the journey to being natural. Curlynikki.com is like my Facebook for naturals. Even though we are all individuals we have something in common and may go through the same thing. Thanks for your support.

@ShugAvery - You know we did a secret valentines gift exchange and the girl that choose me gave me red lipstick. I was kinda thinking I couldnt rock it but you are fabulous with it on. So that will be wit one of my outfits in VEGAS when I go at the beginning of April.

@ Hollis - LOL! SPEAK ON IT!! For a sec I thought Tutukia was the girl the way she responded so negatively, but then I remembered that she stated before that she was still in High School (in one of her threads). With that in mind and considering my 10 year high school reunion is this year......... yeah, after that last bit she had, being an adult I know that you just have to let it ride and continue to be fabulous.... LOL!

What is LHCF?

long hair care forum...im a member over there too but i havent really went on since i found curlynikki...alot of women over there seem to attack/argue more than support...cn.com is more of a sisterhood

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH.. Well no need in me checking that site out. I really do love the fact that cn.com is a community. And we are very supportive of each other. So yes this is a positive sisterhood.

iri9109 wrote:

Hollis wrote:@Janique I was thinking the same thing

@ktoliver I agree with the other ladies that she probably wanted to be the only natural or she could of possibly just been having a bad day

@Tutukia Why don't you have a profile pic and why do you always come in a thread talking ish? And I noticed in other threads you tend to tell other ladies on here to go to the LHCF all the time if you feel that one is better and you always have something negative to say about the ladies here why don't you bim and go to that forum? Just a few questions I had on my mind and I find it simpler to put it in paragraph format than to list it by numbers. I am able to count the amount of questions or comments I have written if need be without listing them in number format.

lmao. girl, you read my mind...

Me too!

ktoliver5303 wrote:OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH.. Well no need in me checking that site out. I really do love the fact that cn.com is a community. And we are very supportive of each other. So yes this is a positive sisterhood.

I love how you said " this is a positive sisterhood." Because You are so right! (: ROCK YOUR CURLS!

Because it is. I mean I have seen discussions where people are flat out about something or they disagree with class... But that stuff earlier, I have no clue what that was... I have not checked out very many sites because I get a lot of information, guidance, and supportive shoulders to lean on here at CN.

I ESPECIALLY LOVE meeting new positive, beautiful women on here. I believe that you never know who can shine a little positive light on someone's gloomy day. So I try to stay positive and be nice to everyone... I am a Gemini so believe I can cross over and get ignent..not ignorant.. ignent that is two steps beyond ignorant, I just choose not too.

So **side-eyeing** the negativity because this is NOT the site for that.