Family and Friends Reaction to Your Hair

In the Journey to Natural stories, we often discuss the individual's reaction to her hair...her new look. I've added the question-- 'what was the response of your fam and friends?'

What response did you get? Positive, negative? Both? How did you react?

Here's a quote from my recent interview on Black Voices

I also became intrigued by the reaction I received from family and friends when I first stopped straightening. I was accused of "trying to fix something that wasn't broke", and sacrificing my future career! All because I stopped flat ironing! I received rude comments from peers, and one family member consistently reminded me that I needed to 'comb my hair'. It was hard enough mentally transitioning on my own, let alone dealing with the hang ups of those around me.

My mom saw a picture of me before she actually saw me and she called me crying. I said what's wrong and she said you look exactly like you did when you were born. Your hair was so curly I couldn't do anything with it! So it was a tender moment with my mom. My dad on the other hand is your traditional Black man and was not happy that I cut it at all. Heck even getting a trim was frown upon, but he is never cruel, just likes hair.

My mom, sister and dad like it. My dad had been telling me for years "you should go natural". I never listened and kept relaxing and straightening. The day that i told him I cut it he didn't believe me. My friends around me always had long hair and always made fun of people whose hair was short. Luckily those people are no longer around to keep me from my journey. My boyfriend is not a fan of short hair either and he had a problem with me cutting it but to be honest my hair wasn't long in the first place. I told him that he would be happy with the end results once it begins to grow out. I am happy with the decision I made my hair seems healthier already!

My family gives me the side eye and asks me "What is wrong with your head"? One time when I saw an aunt that used to do my hair (press and curl with lots of GREASE) in a puff asked me why I was wearing that "napp ball" in the back of my head. It was really discouraging at first, because I wasn't doing it to prove a point or make anyone else happy, I was doing it because I wanted heathier hair. What helps are the compliments I get from friends and strangers. I focus on that and how I FEEL I look and KIM!

As far as my FI.. he (like most men) doesn't like change. So for the first 5 years we dated... my hair was ALWAYS straight. As long as it was down (he doesn't like ponytails) he didn't care. He didn't care for me wearing my hair curly at first, he thought that my head was too small to have big hair. But the more I did it, the more he grew to like it. Sometimes he will ask me to straighten it to switch it up, which I don't mind because it is not very often.

My family so far has really not liked me cutting my hair little by little as I transition. They don't have anything to say about teh texture overall look though. My mom is who cuts my hair and for my first mini chop she definitely did not cut as much as I wanted her to. Now she seems more supportive because through my transition I have found products and styles that she can use on my 10 year sister who has really tight kinky coils. I want my sister to know she is beautiful and doesn't need a relaxer. Whenever she sees hair magazines she loves those super straight styles & that is what she thinks is beautiful. Since I discovered the 2 strand twist & products that moisturize her hair she is so excited about her natural hair and doesn't really want a relaxer anymore.

bevy i'm in the same boat. my little sister is 10 and is dying to get a relaxer. her hair is so thick and beautiful and long and I can see a relaxer just taking it all out so part of this is for her. i told my dad i wasn't getting perms anymore and he was like GREAT you never needed them anyway. And my mom is like Good for you! At first I think she doubted that I could do it but everytime I go home she compliments me on how healthy my hair is. my best friend of 11 years is also in the process of getting all the relaxer out of her hair so she is supportive too even though we don't live near each other. my FI is super supportive he even tried to help me put curlformers in! lol I am going to go buy another rod so he can do it. When I get discouraged he is the one that lets me know how beautiful my hair is. I think he prefers it straight too, but the first time I wore it curly he was like "i love it!" and it was mostly because of how big I was smiling so since it made me happy that I could do it he was happy! I'm grateful to have such a great support system. I know there will be haters and people who are like whoa what are you doing but so far the good has outweighed the bad by so much I don't even remember the bad... so THATS WHATS UP!

I got and still get the most support from friends and strangers. After transitioning for over a year, my best friend was ecstatic when I finally cut it and that made me feel even better. My mom and dad on the other hand don't really care for it. Dad is ol' school and likes long flowy straight hair. Mom always makes jokes/comments like "im gonna perm your hair while you're sleep". The only time I get a compliment from her is on the rare occasion that I straighten it or when its wet. Overall most comments are positive and now that I think about it, there have only been two occasions not involving my mom, where something negative was said about my hair. I have been natural 3.5 yrs.

I have always been natural, my mother has always been natural, and my grandmother didn't get her first relaxer until she was 70. However, we all wore a press-n-curl...everyone was fooled. The strange things is the only problems and comments (negative) that I got about my hair was from my on family. "Why are you wearing your hair like that?", "Let me straighten your hair." It made me so made that I started avoiding family functions. But now because more and more women are going natural it's okay. I really don't get. It's okay for everyone else to do it but not me. Foolishness.

Some of my family members have been supportive (mostly on my dad's side), and some haven't (mostly on my mom's side).

However, I think the most vocal group has been my coworkers (mostly white). They didn't understand why I cut my hair. Now that it's growing back, they're quick to remind me never to do that again. I tried to explain the whole natural/relaxed thing, but they don't understand. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Strangers? I get a lot of compliments from white people on my hair. Black people? NOPE! Oh well...can't please everyone.

Me, on the other hand? I LOVE MY HAIR! That's all that really matters, anyway. And my boyfriend loves it too.

Let's see.
Mom... She loves loves loves it. She decided to go natural after seeing my TWA this summer for the first time. I'm so happy for her. I talked to her last night and the first question I asked her was, "You didn't get a perm did you?" and she said, " Cheri, that's the furthest thing from my mind." So yay! She is SERIOUS!
Sisters... They both love it! One of them went natural 5 years ago, then relaxed, and now has decided to transition again. (YAY!!!) Sidenote: I wish I woulda listened to her 5 years ago when she came home from Howard and tried to tell me about the woes of the creamy crack, but alas, my journey had to be my own. Love her though:) My other sister, interestingly had gone natural maybe a year before I did BUT she was hiding it under wigs and stuff. She wasn't quite comfortable in it and didn't know what products to use. Since then, we've traded secrets and she wears her hair out, proudly. ( we call each other Twin now)
Hubby... I honestly don't know. He always has and still tells me that I'm beautiful. He still gives me compliments and all but we've never had a conversation about my new hair. Oh well, at least he supports my product junkyism. AND even helped me double strand twist once!
My friends.... well the FB friends love it. Muchos compliments. My closest friends haven't seen it up close and personal but they've complimented online and stuff.
I dunno, I love my hair so much, that I couldn't can less what people think. I'm still at the phase where I lift a curl and giggle over the love of my curl pattern.
Oh wait! I lied..I have a fear of hearing what my sharp tongued grandma has to say. Kinda been avoiding that one.

The entire time I was transitioning my mother was constantly asking me if I wanted to go get my hair deep conditioned and flat ironed. It discouraged me a little but when it came down to what I wanted, it didn't change my mind. My dad really didn't care about my hair, just as long as I did my school work (LOL). Now to my BC....they never said really said anything to me about it. Considering I did it at school and came home and was like "Yall like my hair"! My mother still to this day (but not as often) asked if I want to get my hair done, but I always tell her no! I did surprise her with straight hair one weekend they came to visit me I opened my door and my mama literally screamed when she saw me (LOL). Overall I haven't had any family member say anything negative about my hair...and even if they did I wouldn't go back to a relaxer. I love my hair (even when I hate it )

hayyleebaby wrote:The entire time I was transitioning my mother was constantly asking me if I wanted to go get my hair deep conditioned and flat ironed. It discouraged me a little but when it came down to what I wanted, it didn't change my mind. My dad really didn't care about my hair, just as long as I did my school work (LOL). Now to my BC....they never said really said anything to me about it. Considering I did it at school and came home and was like "Yall like my hair"! My mother still to this day (but not as often) asked if I want to get my hair done, but I always tell her no! I did surprise her with straight hair one weekend they came to visit me I opened my door and my mama literally screamed when she saw me (LOL). Overall I haven't had any family member say anything negative about my hair...and even if they did I wouldn't go back to a relaxer. I love my hair (even when I hate it )

Do we have the same mom!?!?!?! My mother is forever trying to attack me with the hot comb.

I big-chopped my hair last year... and my family thought I was depressed. Seriously lol

omg, Nijewel!!! i love your avator!!!

lol at family thinking you are depressed...shakes head

Thanks!!! :-) Shameless plug alert: one of my friends who is a photographer took it. Check him out: http://edsonandre.com/ [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And, yes, I thought it was so funny, too. It might have had something to do with me doing it myself. I literally took my braids out. Locked myself in my bathroom, grabbed a pair of scissors and just chopped it off myself. When I finally opened my door and my sister saw me, she almost lost her mind. lol

This is a constant battle for my mom...as she is of caucasin decent. She stated that she didn't like my hair all over my head...looking wild and all. So I had to tell her it was a good thing that it really didn't matter to me what she thinks as this is my hair and head... She is forever trying to pulled down my curls, reshape them...what have you. Although, I had to shut her down about the negativity, it still hurt to know she can't accept my hair for what it is: Big, bushy and ALL OVER MY HEAD. My sister's hair is of a different texture so the comparison drive me NUTS.

i just can't believe that a mother would look down on her child's natural texture, the texture that she clearly helped formed through her own genes and was clearly evident when you were born...that speaks volumes...

I've heard of that happening a lot. A lot of white moms just aren't able to relate to the different texture and can't appreciate it. I'm really not sure what they expect. I saw a youtube video this weekend of a white aunt straightening her mixed neices BEAUTIFUL hair with an Instyler. The aunt was so rude how she talked about the child's hair. You can tell that the neice was bothered but I don't think she wanted to speak against her aunt and of course she wanted her hair straightened. I thought it was so unfair. It's not the neice's fault that her Mom didn't learn how to handle her hair texture. I think it's pretty common though. RubyD, I'm glad you stick with it because your hair is beautiful!

Thanks Mzbush--Yeah its common and unfortunate...But I will continue to let her and others know: GET OVER IT because it is what it is!!! In response to dajewel, I think it is a lack of knowledge and deep rooted habits and concepts on beauty and I fault her to an extent for the previously mentioned, but when it is all said and done SHE LOVES ME [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] She has even twisted my hair before and in her defense as a child I was VERY blessed and fortunate that she didn't damage my hair (she has a biracial sister) and knew how to care for my hair [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] in its natural state (although it was not without complaint as I had LOTS of hair in comparison to my sis). I didn't get a perm until I was in high school and on my own merit. I think she is just not used to seeing my hair un-straight!!!

i understand, RubyD. I would like to ditto everyone else in saying that your hair is so beautiful, and that am happy that you continued to nurture your natural hair regardless of your Mom's comments.

Thank you...

wow!! after reading this I feel the need for a group hug!! I cut MY hair because I wanted to, PERIOD!!

Keep it curly

I told my mom last week that I'm growing my hair out natural and that I'm not looking to relax it. She thought it was a good idea to get my hair strength and texture back and all that. It was a pretty average convo.

My dad will freak if he sees my hair short but my entire family is not surprised after all the body modifications I've done thus far. Looking forward to the bc and really inspired by you beautiful ladies with your wonderful curly glories and stories. Keep it coming.

nijewel, am digging your profile name!! could you tell us how Nigerians view natural hair??

sweetdrk1, group hug!!

splitsun, please keep us updated!!!!!!! are you going to do the bc yourself or going to a barber? are you going to bring someone along for support??

oh, and btw: i want to say hello fellow West Indian neighbor, as I am Belizean!