Lady Mika--The Locs Start HERE. (lol) Leaving the interwebs for a while.

Hey Lady! Stopping by and checking in! Hope all is well, chica!

Hey Mika!

I saw your new avi in another thread, looks like gypsy is growing! Hope the lessons are going well.

hey mika, i know i need to check on you! i seen ur avi and i laughed becuz its the SAME pose, SAME mean mug, SAME background. it was like lookin at picture tryin to see whats different !!! woooooooooo gypsy is GROOOOOOOOWING!!!

Hello everyone!

Thank you for the love and dropping by. I know I haven't been around much, but I've been really busy (and really TIRED) as a result. I'm at work right now (rather I'm outside, on a short break because these people at my job are driving me NUTS), so I will update tonight when I get home.

Otherwise, I'm fine.

Hey Miss Mika! Looks like someone is on the move and her name is GYPSY!! awesome growth! I felt like your avatar was one of those pictures (in the scooby doo cartoons) where something moves and it was your hair! I was like same pose, but something is different! LOL! Hope the job is ok besides folks driving you nuts. TTYL

NubieNatty wrote:hey mika, i know i need to check on you! i seen ur avi and i laughed becuz its the SAME pose, SAME mean mug, SAME background. it was like lookin at picture tryin to see whats different !!! woooooooooo gypsy is GROOOOOOOOWING!!!

I know. I just don't really like to take pictures or have my picture taken. =/ You're not the only one who says most of my pics look the same. The boyfriend does too. LOL

Good evening everyone.

As promised, here is my update. Pull up a chair, cuz it's about to get LENGTHY.

First, my gripes about growth. *ahem*

To be frank, I'm not happy (at the moment) with how short my hair is. This isn't to say I hate how my hair looks, because I don't. (Far from it.) What I'm not happy with, is the fact that it's not at the length I was HOPING it would be by now. The barber cut off MUCH more than I really wanted him to. It's been roughly three months since then, and well...I was expecting a little more. Sure, there's shrinkage to consider and believe me, I DO consider it. Here's my progress pics (from the TWA challenge, no less.):

This is the first month of the challenge:


And here's my hair as of July 1st:


I know you're all looking at this and wondering "WTF is she complaining about!?". And yes, my boyfriend even asked WTF I'm complaining about. Well, if you take a good look at this picture, and then compare it to my FIRST Big Chop:



It's practically the same length--not as short as I was expecting it to be. And this is with the Aloe Gro mix.

Which can bring us to the following conclusion:

That my expectations are UNREALISTIC. And, that I need to stop worrying so damn much and to freakin' let my hair grow.

Next, comes Mother.

Our relationship hasn't been on solid ground since I was about 14 years old. I grew up too fast for her (which is her and my father's' doing, but I won't get into that), became too independent too soon. By the time I hit 14, I was totally self-reliant with the exception of a job. (She wouldn't give me that satisfaction.) Eventually, we weren't as close as we used to be and something had to give. She had full intentions of making sure I didn't leave Brooklyn. *I* had other plans.

So I joined the Navy.

She wasn't happy about it at all, that goes without saying. But I left for the Navy nonetheless. And all was well. Now, joining the Navy isn't the best thing for a teenager trying to find themselves. The military DOES NOT want individuals, independents, or anything involving self-development. Or anything involving SELF. However, I took the opportunities the military presented and used them. I ended up in Asia, Japan mostly. While I visited other parts of Asia (Thailand, Korea, Australia), I felt closest to Japan. Not merely because it reminded me of home, but because of the PEACE and SERENITY that the country's Buddhist temples had to offer. At those places, I had the time and space to really sit down and think about the direction my life was going in.

I left the military.

And seeing how I had no where else to go, I went back to Brooklyn. Thus started a six year roller coaster with more downs than ups. At one point, were weren't even TALKING--just passing each other by in the house without two words for each other.

Now, we're on decent terms. But she currently has a humility issue much like the REST of her family.

To cut this short, I basically told her to BE GRATEFUL that 1) she has what she does and 2) that I'm STILL in her life after ALL our troubles with each other. At one point, we weren't talking to each other for upwards of a YEAR. I had no qualms, and STILL have no qualms with disassociating if I absolutely have to. It's not at that point yet, but it's slowly edging there. It's less about her hair, and more about her "the world owes me" mentality. The world, doesn't owe her OR anyone else, JACK SHIT. (Excuse my language.) When she learns some humility at last, and starts being grateful, then I'll open up to her more.

Her family on the other hand, it's a closed case. They can't even SPELL "humility"--and it's because they have their OWN issues to confront.

Moving on.

National Afro Day went bust for me. My avi is Gypsy PICKED OUT--it's not growth. Because of my disappointment with my growth period, I didn't sport the fro. I took the pic as pretty much a progress pic (just to give myself an idea of where I am fro-wise) and got water in my hair again.

Guitar lessons are going great, but the search for people to play with continues. *sigh* The boyfriend says to give it time, to just keep myself available. To be honest, I don't even know what to do at this point. The boyfriend plays (bass) with me on occasion, but to quote one of my favorite bands, "I WANT MORE!!". Hopefully sometime soon...

The workplace is the workplace, though someone got themselves suspended over stupidness. When will these GROWN ASS WOMEN learn that getting indignant and snide and arrogant with SENIOR MANAGEMENT (in their faces, no less) will only get you suspended OR fired. She's lucky to have a job still, because our management, are A-holes. And that's putting it lightly. As far as myself personally, I'm fine. Almost had a conniption because Stupid Is Stupid, and Stupid does not make one exempt from COMMON SENSE. So yeah. I had to step outside, sit by the fountain and calm myself.

There was something else I wanted to say......oh! Products! I was toying with the Kinky Curly SPIRAL SPRITZ, which I have a bottle of but didn't really touch. And I like this MORE than I do the Curling Custard because it plays nicely with my shea/mango/aloe mix. The Curling Custard doesn't play well with thicker mixes/products at all. I get a lot of definition with the Spiral Spritz: just two to three squirts over my oil and butter, and BAM!! Good to go. I'm also starting to like the Afroveda Pur Whipped Gelly. In comparison to the Curling Custard, it's LIGHTER and the hold is also LIGHTER, which is why it doesn't give as much definition. You'd have to use a pretty good amount to get really defined curls, but at the expense of stiffness. So I just go easy on the PWG and I'm happy. Love the smell too.

I'm also revisiting my old staple, Suave Naturals Tropical Coconut Conditioner. Apparently, Gypsy still LIKES this conditioner. Which leaves me to wonder why she rebelled against it in the first place??? Then again, I wasn't exactly taking GOOD care of my hair when I was using it. Now that I am, the results are definitely different. I only use it to co-wash. I need to re-up my staples (raw black soap, tea tree oil, etc) this week as well.

And since it's late and I have to get up in a few hours to go to work study, this update is now over! I'll try to stop in more often.

Good night/morning everyone!

great update!!

I am sorry about the situation with your mom, but I understand.

wow great update! u must of been in my head cuz when i seen ur growth i was like what is she talkin bout cuz its CLEARLY grown!

the military isnt a bad deal and i totally agree with u, its not for individuals cuz they want to strip u down to nothin n mold you. sometimes i wonder where i'd of been had i joined military. my dad and stepmom are both navy retired which isnt a bad deal to be retired by 40!

As for your mom, im glad u made an effort and dont talk about dis-associating urself from her cuz she'll always be ur mom. i can definitely see u fendin fo yo self at a young age too. As far as ur job hang in there cuz i can definitely relate. chez whitey is just as back as workin for ig'nant azz nggz **uncle ruckus voice**

Hey mika,

Sorry you're dealing with family drama!!! What can you say, you can't choose your family!!! You just enjoy your life!

(partial quote) "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God."

and OMGoodness..you taking guitar lessons!!! So cool!!! I would love to learn to play bass!!! The bass is what usually attracts me to a song!!!

Enjoy the rest of your week!!

Nice update! And don't worry about it being long. I do that all the time. Lol... Oh and I feel you on the mom issues, I'm having some of my own as we speak... Sigh...

Hey Mika I enjoyed the update. I feel you on the mom issues also (been there done that). I agree with Coco that you can't choose your family you just have to accept them as they are and live your life. Gypsy is growing! Probably not as fast as you want but your hair is growing.

Goodmorning Mika,

Sorry to hear about the family. I am glad that you haven't completely closed her out. Hopefully she will come around sooner than later.

I understand how you feel about your growth and shrinkage. I have mad shrinkage and its like um I know my hair is growing but I cant really tell unless I'm pulling it...smh. My daughter has a huge amount of shrinkage also. Her hair goes to the middle of her back stretched but after a wash or even with ponytails her hair is above shoulder legnth. Gotta love it! lol

Hope you have a lovely day!

Hey lady. Good to see you around here. I'm glad to hear you are bridging the relationship with your mom. Your hair is growing nicely.

Hey Lady M!

Glad to hear from you again. I hope the relationship with your mom gets better. That's just one of those things that will take time and patience.

& don't fret about your hair! It's growing in nicely. I used to fret about my growth but when I look back at pics, it really makes me see how far I've come. Suave Tropical Coconut was my ish when I BCed. Your making me wanna revisit it. Cant beat the price and it smells great too!

Hey Lady!

You read my mind...I'm looking at the pic and thinking...it's grown! LOL

I'm thinking the hair growth thing is like a watched phone...it will not ring...constantly checking the hair...it (seems) to not grow!

I, too, can understand and relate to the mom issue...as someone said...it takes time. I used to be upset with mine, thinking..."isn't she the parent?" But, I still try because at the end of the day, I don't want to regret not trying to make it better. Just my two pennies! Hold on...it'll be how it shall be! :-)

Hey LadyM...

Girl....Gyspy is growing!!! Can't you see it?

Hang in there...your relationship with your mom can turn around!!! Just make sure to keep the lines of communication open. ((hug))

KNH

Your hair is growing... I hear you on thinking it should be longer than what it is. But I had to realized that my hair was gonna do what she wants to do and there's not much I can do to change her....

Glad to hear your lessons are going well.

As far as your mom and family goes... no one can really tell you what do do about that. I went 5 years without speaking to my mother and her side of the family. Why? Because at that time that's what I felt needed to be done to preserve my sanity. As mother and daughter you don't always have to get along. Just remember that she's the only mama you got.... And you couldn't pick her, she's the one God gave you. It's ok to be frustrated or annoyed. But don't lose sight of who you are or completely close the door on what may be. Many blessing with that situation.

sweetdrk1 wrote:great update!!

I am sorry about the situation with your mom, but I understand.

I wish *I* could understand it. I just frown ask "Why???" in my head most times.

NubieNatty wrote:wow great update! u must of been in my head cuz when i seen ur growth i was like what is she talkin bout cuz its CLEARLY grown!

the military isnt a bad deal and i totally agree with u, its not for individuals cuz they want to strip u down to nothin n mold you. sometimes i wonder where i'd of been had i joined military. my dad and stepmom are both navy retired which isnt a bad deal to be retired by 40!

As for your mom, im glad u made an effort and dont talk about dis-associating urself from her cuz she'll always be ur mom. i can definitely see u fendin fo yo self at a young age too. As far as ur job hang in there cuz i can definitely relate. chez whitey is just as back as workin for ig'nant azz nggz **uncle ruckus voice**

I was worried less about retiring at 40 and just wanting a life that was MINE. The military wasn't for me to begin with, so I couldn't stay there for longer than I did. As for my mother? I won't be stretching myself too far with her anymore. If she wants to talk, fine. She starts her nonsense, I've got other things to do. My issues really aren't with Chez Whitey; our immediate management IS Black. Black and Hispanic/Latino to be exact. But in my eyes, that doesn't matter: "A pig is a pig, and that's that." (Wendy O. Williams.) You know the games the pigs play, PLAY THE GAMES. IT'S NOT HARD. Then again, you get a bunch of women working together and they always complicate shite. What can ya do?

CocoEuro wrote:Hey mika,

Sorry you're dealing with family drama!!! What can you say, you can't choose your family!!! You just enjoy your life!

(partial quote) "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God."

and OMGoodness..you taking guitar lessons!!! So cool!!! I would love to learn to play bass!!! The bass is what usually attracts me to a song!!!

Enjoy the rest of your week!!

I KNOW I didn't choose my family; if I did, I wouldn't be stuck with these..."individuals". But after this last falling out a couple of years ago, *I* won't be reaching out. THEY might, but *I* won't respond. They breed insanity. I want no part of it.

YES, LEARN BASS!! And when you do, PLEASE come to NYC so we can jam!! I'd love to finally play with someone!

Juices-n-Berries wrote:Nice update! And don't worry about it being long. I do that all the time. Lol... Oh and I feel you on the mom issues, I'm having some of my own as we speak... Sigh...

Girl, the Moms know how to bring the drama. I'm right along with you.

krazy coils wrote:Hey Mika I enjoyed the update. I feel you on the mom issues also (been there done that). I agree with Coco that you can't choose your family you just have to accept them as they are and live your life. Gypsy is growing! Probably not as fast as you want but your hair is growing.

Trust me, I've come to terms with the way they are. It's a LONG story as to why I'm not dealing with them anymore, but life is MUCH better with out them. I see she's growing now. I'm just being impatient, and I need to stop that.

MellowOne wrote:Goodmorning Mika,

Sorry to hear about the family. I am glad that you haven't completely closed her out. Hopefully she will come around sooner than later.

I understand how you feel about your growth and shrinkage. I have mad shrinkage and its like um I know my hair is growing but I cant really tell unless I'm pulling it...smh. My daughter has a huge amount of shrinkage also. Her hair goes to the middle of her back stretched but after a wash or even with ponytails her hair is above shoulder legnth. Gotta love it! lol

Hope you have a lovely day!

It's hard, but I'm trying. I really am.

The shrinkage is NUTS. I'd pull the front down to my eyebrows and I'm like "Okay, that's cool" and let it go and watch it SNAP BACK to the size of a PEA and go "WHAT THE HELL!? " So, believe me, it's the shrinkage.

Hi Lady Mika,

Just wanted to say hello. Don't pay attention to your mom. My mom and I can only have a relationship from a distance. Getting too close and up in each other's business leads to fighting and resentment. If you need distance to love her, there's nothing wrong with that at all!!! Surround yourself with the people that make YOU happy.

Family is an accident of genetics, I don't feel like I owe anybody anything just because we share the same DNA. If you can't act like a person, then I'm not going to trouble my head with you. Since I've taken the hard line with my mom, she's been on her p's and q's! The power balance has shifted now and I'm in charge!

I know that sounds harsh but it's the only way to keep her in check, gently reminding her that I am a grown woman and in charge of my life. I respect her and her opinions but at the end of the day all decisions are MINE to make.

Anyway...Gypsy is cute! I understand your frustration with the growth thing but as people have said, a watched pot never boils. Refocus your attention on her health and strength and you'll be rewarded!

Peach & love!

Alright I'll come back to my hometown and jam on bass with you!!!

Hey LM! Good to finally hear from you! Wow, you had a whole lot going on, huh? I totally understand the mom issues, too. I'm going to pray for your relationship to be healed and restored with her. Gyspy, on the other hand, looks good to me! I'm seeing the growth, but no, you can't focus solely on growth. Trust that it is and before you know it in 3-6 months you'll wonder WTH just happened? Gypsy will bloom to great lengths! Just enjoy the ride, hunny!

Hi Mika!

It's been awhile. I know that it's hard to get over being impatient with hair growth but you have to do it. For me protective styling really helps. Once Seffy's been twisted up for a few weeks, I notice a difference when I take her down. When I had a short twa I reveled in sleeping in and doing very little besides water and co-washing...I didn't even comb her if I didn't have to. Gypsy is growing like a scamp...you just can't see because you're always looking.

As for the Mother situation... Mom's are entities unto themselves. My Mom used to say that before we were born, our spirits picked the parents that we would have so we could have new experiences and learn things that we hadn't learned our last go 'round. Interesting thought but I also think it helped absolve her of some responsibility. Parents are people too and raising kids seems like a sharp learning curve. Save your sanity so that you can live your life. Sounds like you have done what is best for you and in the end that's what matters.

As for dance, I took jazz in high school, was in several hip-hop and jazz fusion companies in my early 20's, and started belly dancing a few years ago. I am not dancing as much as I want but I am working on changing that.

ttyl
Sav

Thanks everyone, for your well wishes about my Mother situation. Much appreciated!

And yes CocoEuro, we'll definitely jam when you come back!