Lady Mika--The Locs Start HERE. (lol) Leaving the interwebs for a while.

Hey mika!!

Just wanted to let you know I stopped by.

Hey Mika! What's new with you? I came by to say hey and look for some new pics, etc

Hey LadyM.....

How U Doing? (in my Wendy William's voice) LOL Hope all is well...

KNH

:hugs: Just....:hugs: Family drama sucks. And it's hard when you have expectations and they don't pan out. Hang in there ma. And I'm with you on the guitar thing. I have one but playing it is awkward cause it's too big. And then there's the whole teaching myself how to play thing....

Hang in there.

Dropping in for a brief update. Thanks to all those who stopped by. When my work-study with my guitar school ends, I'll have more time to visit everyone's thread.

First, on Life: My mother's tomf***ery knows no bounds. She will be SIXTY this Saturday, but carries on with the attitude of a self-victimizing teenager who wants everything "just because". Let's just say our last conversation on Sunday night was not as cordial as it COULD have been. I haven't spoken to her since then. To be honest, I'm NOT interested in talking to her beyond "Good morning/evening, you alive, need anything, okay.". I have enough going on in my life, and dealing with her self-righteous BS IS NOT on my agenda.

Work: I'm going to start planning a six month exit strategy. My balance with LIU is at its lowest, and can easily be paid off within that six month time frame. Furthermore, my schedule is really starting to wear down on me. Not that I hate it, but swapping work days is a pain in the ass because naturally, NO ONE WANTS TO WORK ON WEEKENDS and definitely not more than they already might. I'm going to put in for vacation in September, decide what I'm going to do and then get my plans in action.

Music: My last round of classes ended with me feeling...unchallenged. I've gotten back into practicing on a regular basis, and the last three sessions left me feeling with the need to do MORE. My previous classmates felt UTTERLY challenged and discouraged by the material, where as *I* felt opposite. Even felt a little "pinned down" because of having to keep up with THEM. This isn't there fault, nor is it the teacher, because they're all awesome. (I think even the teacher picked up on how I was feeling.) Hopefully the next class will be more interesting and challenging. I've had one person so far offer to play with me, but he's got too much personal drama going on at the moment (and he said it). So, the search for someone to practice/play/write songs with continues.

Art: It's taking off, and in directions I wasn't planning on, which is of course what art is about. The boyfriend has a massive art project of his own going on and it's taking up the whole living room floor. So I have to mind where I put my easel until he's done. After that, we're going to collaborate on another project of his, and I'm going to start work on some stencil-like portraits.

And that's about it for now. Hopefully I'll give a better update sometime this weekend.

Have a great day everyone.

i know parent sometimes can not get where you are going and what you have going on. Just be positive and try to make the best out of it. give it some time for things to cool over.

I must be fun to have to artist in the house my husband knows nothing about art. hope you have a relaxing yet effective wknd

Hey Mika, I been MIA but starting to get back in the swing of things....My mother acts similar to yours but they really need to quit! I'm glad all other avenues are looking up for you!

heeeeey mika!! i hope u get on better terms with ur mom cuz u only get ONE and thats all i'll say about that.

i totally understand wit the job thing becuz its like tryin to see the president when u ask someone to work on a weekends...esp in the summer time! madness . i think i've paid my dues with this rotating work schedule so hopefully i can get this other position at my job where its a mon-fri 9 to 5 (or rather 4...10 hr workdays to be off on fri or mon) becuz i dont want to fight to have certain holidays or wknds off. some holidays i dont mind but if nothing else i prefer xmas since mason is still small and now wit school i'd LOVE to save $180 on before/after care

yes i felt pinned down and unchallenged on my last job wit dc gub'ment (they too ghetto to deserve the official government title) which is why i had to move on. people thought i was snobby n snooty or felt like a no it all but i totally wasnt...its just that im not challenged at work and when u wanna play games and not move me into a higher position due to politics (aka BS) i will take my smarts elsewhere!! **hmph**nose in the air**

glad ur doin ok though

Hey Mika!!! Long time, no see! I hope you and mom will mend things very soon. Cosigning with Nubie. Sorry to hear about work, but glad to know the art is going well. How are things with Gypsy?

Hey lady! You look gorgeous , of course. Your hair is growing very well. I can understand the frustration 'cause I have had my hair cut once by the hairdresser (not right) and then had to trim it myself to fix it a month later. So my 61/2 inch hair isn't 6 1/2 inches at all!!!. Annoying but it IS growing so I am happy.

I am sorry to hear about your family issues. They can be a real pain is all I am going to say. Best of luck and do what's right for YOU.

I can't wait to hear when you meet your artistic musical match. It's going to be so exciting!

Hello everyone.

The last few days or so have found me pretty weary. I'll be glad when my work-study deal at my guitar school is over; not because I hate it (I don't), but because I'm so freaking TIRED and spend most of my time SLEEPING instead of being productive. I'm there for nearly TWELVE HOURS on Tuesday (work starts at 10am, ends at 3pm, my class starts at 6:30--no point in racing home and then racing back to Midtown), and don't get home until about 8:30. I have two weeks left, and then I can finally, FINALLY and actually use my time off to do things I want.

On with the update.

I was running low on my Shea/Mango/Aloe mix, so I went ahead and made more--WITHOUT the mango butter (which I'll explain later):

--1/2 lb of shea butter (white)
--4-5 spoons of extra virgin coconut oil (it was almost completely liquified due to the heat, so I had to use more)
--1/3 cup of aloe vera gel
--Jojoba oil
--Castor oil
--Essential oils: Lavender (10-12 drops), rosemary (10-12), clary sage (10-12) and eucalyptus (5).

I also added the remnants of the previous batch (which would've lasted me another four days). I didn't melt it this time either. It's still light but not as creamy as the last time. I've also decided to be less heavy handed with this stuff, since my hair takes longer to dry (even in the heat). I used a lot less product yesterday, layered it with the Kinky Curly Spiral Spritz and had a pretty good hair day. I had less definition than I would with the Afroveda PUR Whipped Gelly, but A LOT less SHRINKAGE too.

It's month 4 of the TWA growth challenge, but I didn't take my progress pics...because I TWISTED MY HAIR. (No pics of that either...the boyfriend had the camera). Now that I HAVE enough hair to twist (FINALLY!!!) I'm going to keep my hair twisted for at least a week at a time. Gypsy doesn't do well with twist outs, so headwraps it is. I hope to go TWO WEEKS with my hair twisted before washing and starting the process over. I also plan on doing this until about late September or October, when I'll start putting in my yarn braids again. By then, the weather will cool down and my skull won't bake (because yarn traps heat). Used the Kimmaytube "buffer" technique on my hair last night (but not the leave-in mix), and that technique, is FOR REAL. Clean hair without the stripped, brittle feeling. Kudos Kimmay. KUDOS.

Products: For my shea mixes, I'm NOT going to be including mango butter anymore. While I do like it, it simply costs too much to constantly re-up. That $10 a pound could net me TWO pounds of shea butter (which I can get at $4 a pound since I buy from a wholesale shop). And since I buy in bulk, it's just not economical for me. Aloe vera gel however, is not my new best friend. Not because of the Aloe Gro spray mix (which I've been using religiously for the past two or three months), but simply because of the MOISTURE. My hair has never been softer before using it, so it's definitely a keeper. I'm also using the Giovanni 50:50 conditioner again. I just can't use the Suave line anymore; not after knowing what I do about product ingredients. So I tossed the 30% I had left.

I'm also going to make the Kinky Curly Spiral Spritz a staple. While I'll take the Afroveda PUR Whipped Gelly over the KCCC (I just can't manage that stuff for the life of me), the PUR Whipped Gelly gives me CRAZY SHRINKAGE! People kept asking me if I was STILL cutting my hair--that's how much shrinkage I had! But with the Spiral Spritz, I have LESS shrinkage and the difference CAN be seen. I still have my (small) jar of KCCC under the sink. If the NYC meetup gets finalized (and I can go), I'm definitely giving that shit away. Even with the Knot Today, I can NEVER get the amount for my hair right. That doesn't mean I hate it; it's simply not a product I can use effectively to meet MY needs. I almost considered going back to the EcoStyler gel (cheaper than the Spiral Spritz), but I balked. I've grown used to the "less is more" concept for products, and my hair is benefiting from that. Like they say, "if it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT".

As far as life goes: I spoke to my mother on Saturday morning to wish her a happy birthday. She sounded civil. I offered to take her to get her ears re-pierced this month, once the funds become available. I'm thinking about finally getting my new tattoos done this month as well. Putting in for my vacation this month, and I plan to spend it catching up on whatever art projects I haven't finished yet. I'd get into how this douche co-worker--who confessed that he's been "in love" with me for the last THREE YEARS decided to text me at all hours of the morning begging me to give him "one night". No, I'm NOT making this up. YES, he knows I'm in a COMMITTED AND SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP and that my boyfriend would punch his ass out the first chance he got. But THAT is a topic that needs it's OWN update. So STAY TUNED for that one.

Otherwise, that's about it really. Things have been decent, I'm just watery-eyed TIRED most of the time. And deflecting love-sick douchebags who don't understand the meaning of "NO".

Have a great day everyone!

Hey Mika,

Love reading your updates. I'm glad you and your mom are back on speaking terms.Can't wait to see pics of Gypsy twisted up. LOL at the "douche" can't wait to hear the rest of that story since he sounds like a real character.

Lawd men are so silly.

I'm glad things are getting better with your mom.

I remember when I BCd and then I could do twists for the first time. I was so excited!!! Congrats.

priceless wrote:i know parent sometimes can not get where you are going and what you have going on. Just be positive and try to make the best out of it. give it some time for things to cool over.

I must be fun to have to artist in the house my husband knows nothing about art. hope you have a relaxing yet effective wknd

My boyfriend and I are both artists, but his projects tend to take over our living room. I pretty much stick to my easel or clipboard, but I've made a mess of our kitchen counter plenty of times (and I make HIM clean it! ). My weekend was pretty good, thank you.

Curly_Aquarius wrote:Hey Mika, I been MIA but starting to get back in the swing of things....My mother acts similar to yours but they really need to quit! I'm glad all other avenues are looking up for you!

NubieNatty wrote:heeeeey mika!! i hope u get on better terms with ur mom cuz u only get ONE and thats all i'll say about that.

i totally understand wit the job thing becuz its like tryin to see the president when u ask someone to work on a weekends...esp in the summer time! madness . i think i've paid my dues with this rotating work schedule so hopefully i can get this other position at my job where its a mon-fri 9 to 5 (or rather 4...10 hr workdays to be off on fri or mon) becuz i dont want to fight to have certain holidays or wknds off. some holidays i dont mind but if nothing else i prefer xmas since mason is still small and now wit school i'd LOVE to save $180 on before/after care

yes i felt pinned down and unchallenged on my last job wit dc gub'ment (they too ghetto to deserve the official government title) which is why i had to move on. people thought i was snobby n snooty or felt like a no it all but i totally wasnt...its just that im not challenged at work and when u wanna play games and not move me into a higher position due to politics (aka BS) i will take my smarts elsewhere!! **hmph**nose in the air**

glad ur doin ok though

Nubie, you should see/hear some of the crap my mother does. Makes me look at her like "how old are you again?? ". I don't know what to do with her. And don't get me started with these SILLY COWS at my job. They're another story entirely. I'll just have to take the day off entirely from now on and make it up in overtime. If my schedule didn't rotate, I wouldn't feel as sluggish and I could do more with my time. But, I just have to make it work for now until I get something better.

CurlsGalore wrote:Hey Mika!!! Long time, no see! I hope you and mom will mend things very soon. Cosigning with Nubie. Sorry to hear about work, but glad to know the art is going well. How are things with Gypsy?

Things with Gypsy are the same. She's doing what SHE wants to do and I find myself just doing what she wants. Keeping her twisted for now, to curb HIFD (Hand In Fro Disease).

swoodward wrote:Hey lady! You look gorgeous , of course. Your hair is growing very well. I can understand the frustration 'cause I have had my hair cut once by the hairdresser (not right) and then had to trim it myself to fix it a month later. So my 61/2 inch hair isn't 6 1/2 inches at all!!!. Annoying but it IS growing so I am happy.

I am sorry to hear about your family issues. They can be a real pain is all I am going to say. Best of luck and do what's right for YOU.

I can't wait to hear when you meet your artistic musical match. It's going to be so exciting!

Thank you Swoodward. I need to take better pictures but...eh. Me + camera = I never liked taking pictures. Something I need to work on. I'm going back to my protective styles for the next six to eight months so hopefully I can get some extra growth (and health) out of it.

All I CAN do is what's right for ME; but they don't seem to get that. They're very self-righteous in their thinking: they can never be wrong. But if I told you some of the crap they did and brought on themselves, you'd be like "WTF is WRONG with these people?". However, I'll spare you long and infuriating tales. They're not worth the acknowledgment.

I'm hoping I can meet up with someone with the next round of classes. I'm not being picky for the moment, but eventually I want to put together my own band. So here's to hoping!

Hey Mika,

Glad that you talked to your Mom. Men are crazy at least some of them are. Its something about a woman or man for that fact that makes them more attractive to others for some reason. People always want a challenge and what they can't have. Almost like little kids if they see another kid playing with a toy that they had no intrest in before then they want it.

I think that that's cool that you and your boyfriend are both artist. I draw and write as a hobby. I always pictured myself in a studio apartment going to art school with a boyfriend that was into the same (of course this was when I was like a freshman in highschool lol). I love my life that I have but I have great respect for people that follow their passions in life.

LadyMika, I got 'em too. I would believe. I just don't feel like being bothered most of the time and with age, I have that prerogative. I have a saying - "relatives are highly overrated." Not my sis of course. But, yea. HIGHLY!!!

Sleep, on the other hand, is highly underrated. It sounds like you need it so go for it.

I am happy to hear you're twisting. That's wonderful!

PaganWifey wrote:Lawd men are so silly.

I'm glad things are getting better with your mom.

I remember when I BCd and then I could do twists for the first time. I was so excited!!! Congrats.

Men are damn ridiculous when they want to be. <--- That's all I can do for 'em most of the time.

It's been a work in progress for the last six years. Some days are better than others, but we're working on it. (Well, I'M working on it at least. )

Thanks! I'm pretty happy about reaching this milestone again. It means I won't have BRAID FAIL again come October since I'll actually HAVE enough hair to "catch".

MellowOne wrote:Hey Mika,

Glad that you talked to your Mom. Men are crazy at least some of them are. Its something about a woman or man for that fact that makes them more attractive to others for some reason. People always want a challenge and what they can't have. Almost like little kids if they see another kid playing with a toy that they had no intrest in before then they want it.

I think that that's cool that you and your boyfriend are both artist. I draw and write as a hobby. I always pictured myself in a studio apartment going to art school with a boyfriend that was into the same (of course this was when I was like a freshman in highschool lol). I love my life that I have but I have great respect for people that follow their passions in life.

This guy is absolutely NUTS. You'll get whole story when I post about it (and a few other fails of the male species).

Thank you Mellow! Honestly, I have NO IDEA what my purpose in this life is. But all I DO know is that it MUST be CREATIVE. I can't see let alone force myself to plug away at some desk, shuffling paper or crunching numbers until I'm 40 or even 50 something. Nothing against people who've made careers for themselves with those jobs, but it's just. not. ME. As long as my basic needs (housing, food, clothing) are met, all I TRULY need are my art supplies and my guitar. I have no desire for anything else...

swoodward wrote:LadyMika, I got 'em too. I would believe. I just don't feel like being bothered most of the time and with age, I have that prerogative. I have a saying - "relatives are highly overrated." Not my sis of course. But, yea. HIGHLY!!!

Sleep, on the other hand, is highly underrated. It sounds like you need it so go for it.

I am happy to hear you're twisting. That's wonderful!

FINALLY someone who agrees with me!! I keep telling people that I'm NOT obligated under ANY circumstances to "play nice" with my relatives, especially knowing how they are. This whole forcing one's self and each other to be a family is ridiculous and unnecessary. I am ENTITLED to have peace in my life. If my family disrupts that peace (and they HAVE), then they get THE CHOP. It's been four years, and I'm NOT reaching out EVER. AGAIN.

Didn't mean to vent, but you KNOW where I'm coming from.

Hey LadyM....

Just trying to get caught up on your thread. In time you will be able to work things out with your mom. (Praying for you both)

I wanna see Gyspy!!! Picture please...I know how you feel about taking pictures, but we are all family here so post away!!!

So you've got an admirer...LOL That can be so interesting sometimes especially if you don't feel the same as they do. I think as some of the other ladies indicated...some men only understand yes and maybe...LOL

I can't wait to read you post and get the details about this bugaboo!!!

KNH

Well, some of you have asked. Many of you have waited. Tonight, will not be a hair-related post. It's going to be a MAN related post. As in, I'm going to share TWO tales of dating fail/horror with you, as promised. Now I'm going to drop the disclaimers right here:

1) Explicit content, adult language, viewer discretion advised, blah blah blah.

and

2) I AIN'T MAKE NONE OF THIS SH*T UP.

So lock up the youngin's, get a chair and some snacks, cuz it's about to get REAL and it's about to get REAL LONG.

....

First, I'll start with the milder tale of an admirer I worked with.

My issues with this guy started as far back as late 2007, after changing jobs. (Long story short: old company hired me first, second company hired me from them, second company FIRED me over BS, old company RE-HIRED me at a higher pay.) When I'm at work, I'm there TO WORK. I don't flirt, I don't hang out with co-workers after work, or even during lunch. I didn't DATE them either. I believe in the saying/concept "Don't fish off the company pier".

Or, if your vocabulary is similar or equal to mine, "Don't eat where you shit.".

I'm also polite to EVERYONE. While there are co-workers I do talk to on a regular basis, it's because I've known them for a long time already. HOWEVER, if we get a paystub from the same damn payroll of the same damn company?? ALL you get is the POLITENESS. Okay? I DON'T WANT YOU. You won't even REGISTER ON MY RADAR.

So, this "individual" (who shall remain nameless), introduces himself and immediately assumes that it's my first time there at the job. I smile and politely correct him--as I did EVERY OTHER PERSON who assumed it was my first time there.

For whatever reason, this guy's eyes go bright, he puts on a SHIT EATING GRIN, and says "Oh, well, maybe we can go to lunch together."

I fake-laugh and say "Maybe", in my mind thinking "Not on your life, Skinny Maloney (because he was SKINNIER THAN ME. I'm NOT joking.). Wit yo' broke ass.".

It all starts to go downhill when he finds out that I'm an artist and we trade phone numbers (because he sort-of knew faculty at the School of Visual Arts, a college I wanted to go to at the time). All of a sudden, HE thinks we have a connection and starts his pursuit. *I* only humor him, because at the time I was living with my mother and I didn't own a scanner to scan my own artwork. So, when HE made the offer to scan my drawings for me, I took it. I'm NOT interested in him because WE WORK FOR THE SAME COMPANY, and I SAW HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY because we had the SAME schedule. (Where as my current boyfriend, worked for a TOTALLY DIFFERENT COMPANY with a schedule that was OPPOSITE MINE and on a DIFFERENT FLOOR OF THE BUILDING no less. More on that another time.)

Let me make myself clearer, Curly Nikki:

I. DID. NOT. WANT. THIS. GUY. Exclamation point.

The next six months entail ME deflecting rumors of us sleeping with each other in restricted areas (you read that correctly), telling HIM to BOUNCE up away from my desk on HIS lunch breaks, informing him (politely at first) to STOP F****** TEXTING ME AT ALL HOURS OF THE MORNING ASKING IF I WANT TO "TALK". I make it clear to him, (politely at first, THEN with attitude) that I WAS NOT INTERESTED IN HIM, THAT WE DID NOT HAVE A CONNECTION, THAT THERE WASN'T A CHANCE IN HELL THAT I WAS GOING TO DATE HIM. AT ALL. FOR ANY REASON, EVEN IF HE WAS THE LAST MAN ON EARTH. The text messages stop for about a month, and I can finally get some sleep.

Then one day in March, I meet a very kindly gentleman who's a correspondent for the network (I work at a news station whose name I won't disclose.). Handsome guy, clean cut (as ALL the correspondents and anchors are), respectful, a musician AND artist who came up from D.C. for the week. He walks past my desk, does a double take, comes back and all but jumps OVER the desk to talk to me. He says "You, are the most beautiful thing in his entire city right now, and I would be HONORED if I can take you to lunch today."

How can you say "no" to THAT??

So, I take this person up on his offer. We go to lunch, chit chat and we hit it off. (Pretty swank restaurant in Midtown. When I offered to split the bill, he said "Baby, "Going Dutch" IS NOT in my vocabulary." and drops COMPANY PLASTIC on the bill. AND leaves a crisp C-Note AS A TIP!? MONEY WUT!? ) We got along well, had much in common, all that good stuff. (We didn't pursue anything because he lives in D.C., I live in NY, and I'm no good with long distance relationships. We're very good friends now, and we take stabs at the company via text when he's on air. ) We return to the job because he has to go on the air, and I have a pile of work to do. So we enter the building, head to our floor, and lo and behold:

Skinny Maloney, standing by my freaking desk, scowling hellfire and brimstone at me.

Mind you, he says nothing, just stomps away like a child would when he's been told "NO." with authority.

Later on, I get a STEAMING HOT ASS TEXT MESSAGE--at 1am, while I'm trying to sleep for work the next day--explaining how BUTT HURT he was that I had lunch with the correspondent. To cut this short, I basically informed him that A) I WAS NOT his girlfriend and never will be and B) IT'S NOT HIS BUSINESS WHO I HAVE LUNCH WITH. So basically, he revealed himself to be a jealous, spoiled brat who can't handle being told "no". Identity confirmed. Thanks!

But he doesn't get the hint.

A month later, I meet my current boyfriend who worked for a TOTALLY DIFFERENT COMPANY who did freelance work for MY company. Two different payroll offices, two different companies on the pay stub, awesome guy with an even BETTER personality, awesome LOOKING, a British accent that makes my panties wet, WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR?? Fast forward a couple of months, and one day, my boyfriend decides to stop at my desk to see how I'm doing. (I wasn't feeling well, so he brought me some soup. ) Skinney Maloney strolls in, pauses, looks at me, looks at my boyfriend, and frowns at both of us.

My boyfriend, gives him the LOOK OF DEATH and says "Oi, yoo got a FACKING problem??".

Skinney says "no, there's no problem" and storms off. I do a headdesk, and explain to my boyfriend the whole ordeal with him. He says, and I kid you not: "Yoo tell that BAASTARD if he talks to yoo agayn, I'm going to ram my Docs so far up his arse he'll have to SPIT TO SHIT." So I let Skinney know the deal. I told him to back off or get hurt. HE STILL didn't get the hint, so I had to start BLATANTLY IGNORING HIM. As in, NO "good morning", "see any new galleries", NONE OF THAT. Just unadultered silence and a blank stare that would've made ANYONE'S mother on here proud. This goes on for WEEKS, until he finally takes the hint and stops talking to me. PERIOD. I had already erased his cellphone number weeks prior to this forced fallout. I thought it was DONE and over with. Right? Right.

Fast forward to two weeks ago.

The boyfriend and I are DEAD ASLEEP, right? My phone starts vibrating on the dresser. I immediately think it's my mother or stepfather with an emergency, because they're the ONLY ONES as well as my boyfriend or the job who are ALLOWED to call me so late. But instead of a phone call, it's a TEXT.

FROM SKINNY MALONEY.

And to show you how serious this is, I'm going to put the actual text HERE, IN ITS ENTIRETY (with his epic grammar fail):

"Look, but I got some smart shit to say & do not want it waisted on dumbo ears. So...what do you say... how about your stuborn opionated ass will you ever respond to anything that I do, say, act, teach, tell, give, take, leave, what more do I have to do excpt be my self! I still remember the first day. That's it this is the last time I'm going to try. I dont' care any more I still have the feelings 4 u since the day I asked u out. If I can't have u 4 ever cud there be a chance I cud have u 4 at least one night?"

Now, if you're saying or thinking along the lines of "SHE TOLD YOU NO HOW MANY TIMES AND YOU'RE STILL BEGGING!?", you'd get a grand prize of ONE MILLION DOLLARS if I had it to give.

But since I don't, I'll just end THIS tale of MAN FAIL with my response to his pathetic text. *ahem*

"I'm going to make myself extremely clear. I told you the FIRST time I wasn't interested, because I WAS NOT interested in dating ANYONE at that time, ESPECIALLY someone I worked with. Then came the rumors that you and I had something going on, because YOU got a hard on every time I was in the building and just COULD NOT respect my damn boundaries! Last but not least, after I told you MORE THAN ONCE that I WAS NOT THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED in dating YOU, you had the nerve to cop a shit attitude when I was talking to other men! What the *** makes YOU think that after telling you NO for so long, and being in a serious relationship with the man that wants to RIP YOU TO SHREDS, that all of a sudden I'm going to change my mind and damage my relationship just so YOU can get your rocks off ONCE?? GET OVER YOURSELF, and get over ME. NO MEANS NO, and it's ALWAYS going to mean NO. You act JUST like this ass I met back in 2007: jealous and TOO attached to women who DON'T want to be with them."

It's been about two weeks since that text message. Haven't seen him at the job, haven't gotten another text message from him. And quite frankly, he could fall off the face of the earth for all I care.

That ends Story One. (A real cheerio wasn't it? )

Story Two, is the MOST EPIC of my dating fails--SO epic, that I damn near had to get the POLICE involved.

Stay tuned for that one.

Until then, good night.

What??? I just got my popcorn and red kool aid!!! I want more!! LOL

WOW....that could have been a Lifetime move!! I'm so glad that he didn't get violent with you or do anything crazy.

Well....I'm going to eat my popcorn (well its really a bowl of cereal) and go to bed. Be back for part two tomorrow.

Good Night!!!

SN: Sounds like you have a very interesting job!!! Not a boring moment.....

KinkyNappyHappy wrote:What??? I just got my popcorn and red kool aid!!! I want more!! LOL

WOW....that could have been a Lifetime move!! I'm so glad that he didn't get violent with you or do anything crazy.

Well....I'm going to eat my popcorn (well its really a bowl of cereal) and go to bed. Be back for part two tomorrow.

Good Night!!!

SN: Sounds like you have a very interesting job!!! Not a boring moment.....

Girl please: he was ALL TALK. I smelled it on him when I first saw him. Furthermore, every floor of that building is UNDER SURVEILLANCE (Big Brother much?) I know the ENTIRE security department for the network, right up the security department FOR THE ENTIRE BUILDING (as well as a couple of anchors in addition to the one I had lunch with). He was more than welcome to try something stupid--he would've been caught on tape, and *I* would've gotten a big fat settlement for what would've been a harassment case. A LOSE-LOSE situation for HIM.

And if you think THIS was off the wall, wait until tomorrow.

Have a great night!

Ol boy is operatin' with less than a full deck of cards.....

Ok...Lady Mika, PLEASE be careful!!

This person obviously is unstable. I say this from experience, I didn't heed the signs. Long, convoluted, Jerry Springer story short, the individual tried to stab me, and later poured gas on himself and family members and lit a match (thankfully noone was seriously injured).

Does he know where you live? Are you sure he isn't or hasn't followed you outside of work?

I would look into having a restraining order issued. This is harrassment to the nth degree.

Screw it. I'm up, so I'll get on with Story Two.

This predates Story One by about a year (from late 2006 to late 2007 exactly).

Disclaimers: Explicit content, lock of up the kids (depending on the time zone, they shouldn't be up ANYWAY! ) and I DIDN'T MAKE ANY OF THIS UP. (I wish I could have, but I didn't.)

*ahem*

Late 2006, I'm wrapping up my first and for now last year of college. I'm in the computer lab, finishing up a paper and checking my email/MySpace. In my MySpace box, I have TEN MESSAGES from the SAME PERSON. The time-stamp on all these messages, aren't even more than ONE MINUTE APART. They were sent literally back to back. Curiosity bites me, and I take a look at this person's profile. He turns out to be a very attractive guy (tall, bald, blue eyes, EASILY passes for a GNARLY SKINHEAD/ARYAN BROTHERHOOD member...until you find out he's too Italian to be German, and too Irish to be either Italian OR German. But that's besides the point.), works in the city as a maintenance man.

Now, this is where my radar goes "DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! LEAVE THIS MOFO ALONE!!". Why? Because for one thing, he dropped TEN MESSAGES in less than TWO MINUTES. Persistence at a totally uncomfortable level. Second, in every message all he had to say was along the lines of "you're so hot, please answer me" "you're f****** gorgeous, I NEED to talk to you" and other sorts of comments that focused ONLY on my appearance. To put it in perspective, I've gotten more respectful messages from WANNABE THUGS. And many of THEM aren't exactly eloquent IF ya know what I mean.

At any rate. I ignore my blaring radar alert and respond. I figured "if he proves to be nuts, at least I'll get a good laugh at HIS expense, right?"

WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.

A few days later after that first message, we go out on a first date. This first date, consisted of the following:

1) A two hour train ride to meet this guy in The Middle Of Nowhere, Queens. (1st bad sign.)
2) We finally meet up, an the first thing he does is try to ram his tongue down my throat. (2nd bad sign and a BIG one.)
3) We eat, and he's insisting that I order THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING ON THE MENU. (I don't. I order a $12 and change plate and only ate half of it. I was losing my appetite by the second.) After we're done eating, he drops $200 ON THE TABLE and we leave. Get this: THE ENTIRE BILL DIDN'T COME TO MUCH MORE THAN $40!!!

Now, before I continue, let me point something out.

My correspondent friend, DID drop serious money on our lunch. HOWEVER: we ate at Del Fuisco's, a relatively fancy--and EXPENSIVE restaurant right on 6th Avenue and 49th Street in Rockerfeller Center. BUSINESS MEETINGS are held in this restaurant by executives from the likes of NBC, Bank of America, Fox News Channel, News Corporation (who OWNS Fox), Societe General, Harper-Collins, etc. Our lunch COSTED $100--and my friend payed with THE COMPANY CREDIT CARD. So, lunch didn't cost him ANYTHING. BUT, he dropped that $100 tip because apparently he makes it a point to make the company pay for him to eat well and have top notch accommodations (since he was nailed by a car, LIVE, ON CAMERA and had to do battle with the network for worker's comp). He also really likes the food at Del Fuisco's (and I can't blame him: that salmon was ON POINT), and tends to tip more than 10% where ever he eats, so it's justifiable.

This next guy, whom I'll title "Narcissist" (I have much viler words for him, but we'll settle for this one.)?? He was throwing money around left and right. Dinner barely broke $40, but he drops $200 on the table, gets up and he's like "Let's go and see a movie!". That's the 3rd bad sign, in less than AN HOUR of being in his company.

4) We go see this movie--which HE chose, didn't even BOTHER to ask me what movie I wanted to see--and spent stupid amounts of money on movie popcorn (that I can't eat because it wreaks havoc on my teeth), drinks, candy and other junky food stuff that I just can't eat because they make me physically ill. I DID say this to him before he went in, but he said "Oh you'll be fine! Just have some soda!". (4th bad sign, and I was picking popcorn and Raisinets out of my friggin' teeth for THIRTY MINUTES when I got home. Not to mention PUKING that horrible fountain soda...)
5) During the movie, he again tries to shove his tongue down my throat. (5th sign. Just racking them up at this point.)

He wants to hang out more, but I say no. I wanted to go home. So I GO home.

I talk to my mother about it the next day and tell her everything. She said "I'll be honest, some men do really stupid and forceful things on a first date, because they feel as though they have something to prove (I'll get into this later). But from the sound of what you said, he's bad news. I won't tell you what to do, but if you really want my opinion, I think you should LEAVE HIS ASS ALONE."

So I take her advice. After all, my mother's had her share of MAN FAIL--she's been through something similar at one point or another. Phone number deleted, moving on initiated.

The next day, while on the bus and on the way home from class, I get a text message. And it's from Narcissist. He wants to know if we're going to hang out again that same night. I say no. I explain how I didn't really enjoy myself the previous night, that I DID NOT appreciate him trying to swap spit with me, and I "just wasn't into him". His response was disbelief, DENIAL, and all but a demand to hang out with him. I refuse and stop replying to his text messages.

So, for the next few weeks, he and I go enter an off-and-on psuedo-attempt at a relationship that NEVER would have worked AT ALL. And here's why.

The second time we stopped and started talking to each other again, he said he had something to share with me.

He said he "planned our lives out" and that I'd like what he had in store. His plans involved:

--Moving in with him.
--Getting married.
--Being taken to AND from work until I quit my job "in six months".
--Getting PREGNANT.
--AT LEAST FOUR CHILDREN.
--Moving to a secluded, gated community in Eastern Long Island.

(I'm NOT making this up. I wish I was, but I'm not.)

I brought him to a screeching halt, and told him that not ONLY was I going to go back to work (I was unemployed while in college), that I was going to eventually go BACK to college for my degree. His response?

"Do you REALLY have to go back? I mean, can it WAIT?" (WTF right? I KNOW.)

When I said NO, it's NOT going to wait. Once I start working and clear up the debt I incured, I'm going BACK to college."

He whines "Can't you take ONLINE classes??" (More WTF.)

When I say no AGAIN, and insist that I'm going back to work no matter what he says, he said:

"If you want to work that badly, you can work for ME and start an online business and get your degree ONLINE. What's so wrong with that?"

"EVERYTHING, BECAUSE IT'S NOT WHAT *I* WANT!! "

So, we stop talking again.

Round 3 and we're talking again. I'm working now, making not great but decent money. This time, it's bad. REALLY bad. He gives me an ultimatum: either you marry me and move to Long Island with me, or I'm finding someone else."

Oh, I'm SO scared.

I tell him to go ahead. Because apparently, he doesn't want or rather, HE CAN'T HANDLE a woman with a mind and goals of her OWN. I said flat out that I'm NOT the one for him, since I am by no means A HOMEBODY, that I WAS NOT/AM NOT ready for children, and REFUSE to bring children into this world until I am financially, mentally and emotionally stable. Which I WAS NOT then. THEN he said:

"I don't want a woman who can tell ME what she wants. *I* know what she wants because I'M the breadwinner. And what *I* want is a woman who DOESN'T work, who CLEANS my house, MAKES my dinner, RAISES my kids and waits for me to come home and f*** her everyday. And THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE."

OH REEEEELY? I told him flat out, "If that's the kind of woman you want, you'd better GET YOURSELF A MAIL ORDER BRIDE CUZ I AIN'T THE F****** ONE!!"

Aaaaaaaand we're not talking again. Notice the cycle here: We talk, he tries to tell me what kind of life HE wants me to live, and I tell him to go shove it. Unhealthy, to say the least.

And it's at this point, where 2007 continues to consist of more off and on talking/meeting, more of HIM trying to talk me into marrying and moving in with him, and more of MY refusing him. Things snowball when he tries to tell me about our "relationship"--which, there NEVER REALLY WAS ONE--and how I'm ruining it. Which makes me sit down and really THINK about every single thing he's said to me thus far. He always started his sentences with "I want". It was always "I". Not "We", but strictly "I". Not once did he ever, and I mean EVER ask me what *I* wanted to do. And when I refused what HE wanted, he'd accuse ME of "hurting" him and "ruining" a relationship that didn't hold water from JUMP.

He was victimizing himself in order to make ME feel guilty, and in order to try and make me CAVE IN to what he wanted.

Strike mother freaking ONE. You don't victimize yourself and then blame ME for that crap. I DON'T THINK SO.

Here comes Strike Two.

We're on an EXTENDED off period, where I'm casually talking/dating again. I met an amazing pianist, a rather strapping firefighter, an extra hot executive who worked up the street from me (who I DID do the deed with...ON HIS DESK IN HIS OFFICE THAT HAD A VIEW OF CENTRAL PARK!! ) and about half a dozen OTHER high ranking executives in those three to four months in 2007. This didn't sit well with our Narcissist, so he threw a fit (especially about the office romp. I told him what we did, IN DETAIL, and ON PURPOSE.) and REFUSED to text or call me for WEEKS!! Can you believe that crap?? We weren't even in a relationship to start with! What a FOULER!! (End 2 Stupid Dogs reference.)

So the LAST and FINAL time I engage this idiot in ANY kind of conversation (with the warnings of calling his PAROLE OFFICER for violating the conditions of his parole for being a bouncer at a club WITHOUT A VALID SECURITY LICENSE, which he WAS NOT ELIGIBLE FOR because he was a friggin' FELON!!--which my NYPD uncle told me after I had him run this douchebag's name just out of curiousity), I let him know what the REAL arrangement was going to be.

And that was, STOP F****** TEXTING ME, CALLING ME, OR CONTACTING ME THROUGH MYSPACE. Forget you EVER met me, forget my NAME, forget EVERYTHING. I'M DONE.

He returns to his self-victimizing tirade about how I'm hurting him, how I don't have feelings for him (I did have feelings for him--feelings of LOATHING and DISGUST at that point), I don't want him to be happy (I DID want him to be happy--just NOT WITH ME!) and how I DIDN'T WANT A GOOD LIFE FOR MYSELF. (Utter and absolute RUBBISH. I didn't want the life that HE had laid out. I wanted MY OWN life that *I* designed FOR MYSELF.) That he would have paid for EVERYTHING and I wouldn't have to do shit....but stay home and be barefoot and pregnant. Ninja please, YOU WORK FOR UPS!! (My line for anything SUSPECT.)

I said "For someone who's so sure of himself, you don't even KNOW what *I* want for myself in life."

He said (and I kid you not): "YOU'RE A BROKE GHETTO ASS BITCH FROM BROOKLYN. YOU'VE GOT NO MONEY!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Here comes the kick in his ass........AND IT'S GOOOOOOD!!

Which also led me to sit down and amass this train wreck AS A WHOLE.

From the first and only date, to the last and final argument, he seriously had SOMETHING TO PROVE.

First, he was trying to PROVE to me that he could "afford" me by dropping stupid amounts of money on a bill that didn't even come close to breaking $50, and spending MORE money on a movie and high-priced snacks. Second, he was trying to PROVE to me that he could "be a man" by TELLING me what he expected of me, and how he was going to "run HIS house". And last by not least, by constantly trying to guilt me, he was also trying to make my LOWER MY OWN SELF WORTH. Telling me that I didn't know what I wanted in life wasn't ALL he said. He also said that NO MAN in this world would want a woman who didn't want a family when HE wanted it, that unless HE gave me the money to "look good", that I'd NEVER look good. That as long as I was going to be with him, that NO ONE would be allowed to talk to me AT ALL. (Not even my parents. Yeah, he SAID that.)

Basically, he was telling me that without him, I wouldn't be worth SHIT.

He was taking stabs at MY security, because HE HIMSELF WAS HIGHLY INSECURE.

The money, the insistence of packing up and moving away with him, starting a family--which I learned was an attempt to get away from paying child support--the way he talked down to me all the time. It all made sense! He needed to be IN CONTROL of someone in order to feel like a man.

Meaning, he wasn't exactly in control of HIMSELF.

Which brings me to mention the conversation I had with HIS BABY'S MOTHER. (Which he failed to tell me about until LATER on.) She politely informed me to be wary of him, that he was very "violent" verbally and could be violent PHYSICALLY if I kept showing resistance. It's the reason why SHE split and retained FULL custody of their daughter AND is kicking him in the ass for child support.

Had I known about this in the beginning, it would've been the instant deal breaker and NONE of this would've happen. I didn't date men with children back then, because *I* was one of those children whose parents never married, and dated other people CONSTANTLY. No truly solid parental figures are really present when that happens. I didn't/don't want to make ANY child see or experience that. It's not fair to them.

But to keep this tale going, she let me know the kind of person he REALLY was and he proved her every word right when he started calling me constantly, rolling past my job, stepping IN to the main lobby to see if I'd walk out, repeated text messages all day EVERYDAY. Mind you, I NEVER saw him in the street. However, HE claims he saw ME. When THOSE texts started coming in, I called up my NYPD uncle and also my JAILBIRD uncles (all on my stepfather's side).

Yes CN, I called up THE GOON SQUAD.

I gave them his picture (off MySpace), the phone number he had at the time, his address, and where he worked. I said "I don't give a shit WHAT you do to him or WHERE YOU THROW HIM WHEN YOU'RE DONE. Just MAKE him DISAPPEAR."

And it was done. He vanished all the way into 2008 and for HALF of 2009 when decided to try and reconnoiter. I was well into my relationship with my current boyfriend, and I moved in with him then. I told my current boyfriend ALL ABOUT this narcissist idiot, and he said (with that oh so sexy British accent) "Oi that BAASTARD calls or texts you agayn, I'm going tew finish what yur uncles staarted. I need NOT elaborate, do I love?".

Oh how I love my Brit, LET ME COUNT THE WAYS!!

That narcissist fool must've gotten the threat subliminally, because I haven't heard from him. AT ALL. NOT ONCE. I haven't changed my phone number either. No restraining orders have been filed. Nothing. Just POOF! Begone. And I'm actually pretty glad. I mean, my uncles are crazy but my BF is OUT OF HIS MIND. He's ALL about shoving his Docs up someone's arse man. Makes me worry sometimes, but at least I know he'll defend me when the time comes. Docs and all.

Thus ends Story Two of my MAN FAILS.

And since it's VERY late and I have to work, I'm finally off to bed! Moral of the story single ladies: any man drops you more than one message over the internet, IGNORE IT AND BLOCK HIM!!

Have a great day everyone.