10+ yrs natural, still not right

Sorry!

I'm so sorry to hear that you've struggled so much with your hair!!! It sounds like you've had quite the battle trying to grow it out and it just won't act right. I don't think I have a solution but I would encourage you to try again! If you really want longer hair I truly believe you can obtain it. Maybe because your hair is coarser than other textures you may have to let it grow in some sort of protective style that works for you, whether that be weaves, cornrows, wigs or buns. I just think that every hair type can grow so I hope you decide to try again to grow your hair out if that's what you really want!

zami31 wrote:I've been natural for over 10 years, and I still don't have it right! I did the BC in the summer of 1999! I have (and pls don't be offended by the expression, there's just no better way to discribe it)... I have true Negro hair! It's dry, dull, no real curl definition (for the tech types it's 4b), DRY, breaks off, split ends, dusty, nappy, hard, course, lifeless, ugly... bottom line.. it's real bad.

I wore my hair cut close for about 5 years. Then decided I wanted some lenght to it and look more lady-like. The longer it got, the worse it got. I turned into a real product junkie looking for the right shampoo (til i found out about the "no 'poo" method), conditioner, and moisterizer. Well, for the next year nothing worked. So, I broke down and did the texturizer thing. (BAD IDEA) It was like having a relaxer all over again. BC again 3 months after that.

It's now another 5 years past and I really want that feminine, soft, cute-curly look. I don't have the money for all the expensive and "multiple" products to TRY and make my hair look like I want it. It still looks "DUSTY" and like a boy! I'm tired of wearing it like a boy, but I can't seem to do anything else with it.

I have noticed that on this site (like MANY MANY OTHERS on natural hair) all the ladies with lovely natural hair all have the type 2 or type 3. It's sooooo much easier for those ladies because they already have the soft, shiny, cute-curly hair without the chemicals. I don't see many ladies with that hard, course, dry, dull, dusty, nappy, hair like mine.

In my desperation for the soft, shiny, health, feminine look... I did the texturizer thing again! But this time, it's decent. Until I have to go out in the cold and snow with a hat on and it completely crushes it. I have about 2 inches of hair now, longest I've let it grow. But I can't do anything with it under all the winter head gear, so i don't end up looking like a porcupine when I take my hat off.

I've decided for the 3rd (and last time) I will do the BC again and just keep it short and boy-like. I'm so disappointed, but it's super easy to take care of and it doesn't cost that much to maintain.

That's my story. Thanks for takin the time to read.
Much love my BEAUTIFUL BLACK SISTERS!
Zoe

Sorry you are feeling discouraged about your hair. I think we've all been there. Have you checked out hair albums on fotki for inspiration? Here are 2 that I would recommend you visiting:

http://members.fotki.com/loolalooh/about/

http://members.fotki.com/mwedzi/about/

What type of products have you used over the years? What type of styles have you tried on your hair? What do you use for moisture? We need details! lol

If it's dry, breaks off, and has split ends, it sounds like you still have not found the right products/routine that work for you. If you tell us more about your routine maybe we can help.

By the way, I think you are mistaken on this:

"I have noticed that on this site (like MANY MANY OTHERS on natural hair) all the ladies with lovely natural hair all have the type 2 or type 3."

There is a variety of beautiful hair types on CurlyNikki and in her forums.

I am so sorry you have felt such disappointment with your hair. I too believe that my hair takes it back to the motherland (lol) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .

There is little curl pattern, can be very dry and course. I had relaxers for almost 30 yrs and have been natural for 3 months. What I have discovered is that the products I use make a big difference. Also just as when I had wrap (relaxer) I had to train my hair, I now also have to train my hair. I know it's gonna do what it wants but with the help of my hands and the right product getting the desired look and style can be achieved.

Check out the Butters n Bars challenge, there are alot of inspiring stories and GREAT information. If you post a question you will get a quick and informative response. HTH.. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

zami31 wrote:... I have true Negro hair! It's dry, dull, no real curl definition (for the tech types it's 4b), DRY, breaks off, split ends, dusty, nappy, hard, course, lifeless, ugly... bottom line.. it's real bad.

I've seen plenty of non "negro hair" that was dry and dull. I think it's unfortunate that you associate Black hair with words like "dusty", "ugly" and "lifeless." Women who have healthy hair have it because they learn to take care of it. Not because they have a certain hair type. Yes, there are beautiful sistas on this site who have "type 2" and "type 3" hair, but there are just as many gorgeous heads of "type 4" as well.

I understand that you may be discouraged about your own hair and I'm sorry you feel that way, but you can't rectify that by making disparaging remarks about particular hair types. After all, there really is a better way to describe it.

Much love my fellow "4b" sista,

erica

Napps to the rescue! Do not dispair. I too am victim to a head full of napps. But I learned that many women do have 4b hair can learn how to properly care for it and have a full head of healthy hair. One problem is alot of people with thick 4a hair call themselves 4b. 4b pattern has NO NATURAL CURL. You may not have the same natural curl pattern, but defined and girly styles can be achieved through twist outs, braid outs, and even CURLFORMERS! Yes, curlformers work on 4b hair. Please don't get discouraged. Fish around here at the BnB challenge as well as check Youtube. If you like you can send me some pics of your hair. I'm new but I'll do my best to assist in any way that I can. Just send me a pm.

I am so sorry you feel this way about your hair. Hopefully we'll be able to help get your hair to a place were you can love it. First, we need a little more info to help you. What products are you currently using?

This is why I LOVE this forum..ALL hair types rocking it and encouraging others. I don't have anything to say that wasn't already said. Take what you need and move forward

...

My suggestion would be to try Aussie Moist Conditioner ($3.99) to co wash. It's thick and creamy and I love it. As for a leave in, I use Giovanni Direct Leave In ($7.99). I've only mixed it with coconut oil and a few stylers (ORS Lock & Twist Gel, MJ BabyButtercreme, and BeeMine BeeHold Curly Butter) and it doesnt leave the white clumps.

I know someone else will chime in with other suggestions.

I too have nothing to add, but I hope you find a solution to your hair dilema.

zami31 wrote:
@Erica5417... I see that you failed to copy and paste what I said just prior to that... which was "...I have (and pls don't be offended by the expression, there's just no better way to discribe it)... I have true Negro hair! It's dry, dull, no real curl definition (for the tech types it's 4b), DRY, breaks off, split ends, dusty, nappy, hard, course, lifeless, ugly... bottom line.. it's real bad. " I knew someone would take it out of contest! You said my point exactly..."Women who have healthy hair have it because they learn to take care of it. Not because they have a certain hair type."... In the 10+ years I've been natural I have NOT learned how to take care of it. My barber says I have very healthy hair... I just feel and see that it does NOT LOOK healthy. I have yet to find someone here in Cincinnati, OH who can help me and TEACH ME to take care of my naturally nappy hair, that don't cost an arm and a leg, and are not so far away you have to plan a mini-trip to get there. I only made disparaging remarks about MY OWN HAIR AND MY OWN EXPERIENCE!! Because I live it everyday! If I knew I better way to describe it I would have said that.... that's why I made the statement "(and pls don't be offended by the expression, there's just no better way to discribe it)... "
Now that I'm done defending myself... back to the matter at hand. Erica in your profile pic your hair is so shiny and it LOOKS healthy and radiant....WHAT IS YOUR ROUTINE? If you don't mind sharing.
I have tried these products (lol those i can remember): pantent relaxed & natural (shampoo, conditioner, hair dress), motions (shampoo, conditioner, hair dress), african pride, soft & beautiful bontanical, leave in conditioners for african american hair, missjessie (although this one worked the best for the shiny and moisture it's also the most expensive), short & sassy (shampoo, conditioner, hair cream), silk elements (shampoo, conditioner, hair cream).... I know I'm forgetting alot.
CURRENTLY: I'm using the co-wash methods with Soft & Beautiful conditioner and Cantu Shea Butter leave-in conditioner/repair cream. The Cantu work well for the shine and softness, but it doesn't blend very well. It leaves little white spot that look like dandruff. I usually shampoo my hair twice a month with S&B shampoo.
THANK TO ALL FOR THE LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT AND RESPONSES!

Out of context? That you added a disclaimer doesn't mean that people will not take offense. My comments were not so much directed at you alone but more to the myriad of women I come in contact with on a daily basis. Certainly no need to defend yourself. As natural women, we have to realize that what we say affects newly natural women and those considering going natural. My concern was more for those women who might read your words and further internalize Eurocentric notions of beauty and hair. Your experience is our experience. 4b hair is not a hair type exclusive to you and you alone so when you describe it as such, it does apply to more than just you. What you said was that you have "Negro" hair and then you equated that with "ugly." You then associated nice hair with types 2 and 3. Does it hurt my feelings to hear/read my hair described in such a way? Yes. Does it hurt my heart to hear that you feel that way about your own hair? Yes. Could my comments have been phrased in a more gentle manner? Perhaps. *For the record, I don't subscribe to any method of hair typing. It simply seems to be another divisive tool similar to noting differences in skin complexion.

As for my regimen, which I am always happy to share, I co-wash on Friday night with Suave Naturals Coconut. Followed by Giovanni 50/50 conditioner as a rinse-out and Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Treat conditioner as a leave-in. I plop for about 20 minutes and then air-dry. I apply Giovanni Vita-Pro Leave-in, Africa's Best Herbal Oil and Carol's Daughter Healthy Hair Butter (in that order) to each section and then two strand twist my hair in medium/large sections. I let it dry overnight and then retwist the hair once it's dry (Saturday morning). When I want to wear my hair out, I simply untwist and fluff. During the week, I retwist each night, adding shea butter, coconut oil and hair lotion as I see fit and then I start the process all over again on Friday night.
*you can find more on my current regimen here https://www.youtube.com/user/ericathurman

I certainly hope that you do find a regimen that works well for you. What you may want to consider are using more natural products (shea butter, coconut oil, olive oil, etc. are products that are among the holy grail for a lot of naturals). I didn't see many oils and butters on your list, those are nneded to seal in moisture. Cantu Shea Butter, from what I have heard does not mix well with other products. I have used it with coconut oil with no problems. As with all things, you'll have to try different combinations to see what works for you of course.

This is is a journey and like most, it is trying and frustrating at times. This site is a wonderful place to get information and encouragement.

enough.....

Wooot Wooot Erica!

Regardless of your hair type, as long as you understand how to take care of it (assessing it's needs, etc.) you're hair won't be dull, lifeless or ugly! Trust, I've seen some ugly 2's and 3's--not because of texture, but because they didn't know what they were doing. I'm assuming that's what you're really looking for, right Zami? The know how? I get it, but in the same breath can understand how (even with the disclaimer) words can get easily misinterpreted and people can get discouraged... but please don't get defensive--in the end, we're all here to support eachother and help. Natural hair is as much a mental tranistion as it is a physical one.

I was going to say something similar to that of Erica as well--what are you using for moisture? What is your current regime (I don't see it)? Shea Butter, olive oil, and coconut oil (so I've heard--itching to try) is really good on type 4's. I'm 3b/c at the nape of my neck and edges, but the crown of my head (the part that gets the direct sunlight) is 4 all the way!!!! So at least you're working with one texture--try 4!!!!! I think you said you're co-washing? That's good, but if you're using the Cantu products you may need to low 'poo every once in a while--at least I do, since I get major buildup using that line. Also, invest in a spray bottle.... water=moisture as well. Once damp, seal with a butter/oil to lock that in... hopefully that will help your dryness problem...

I know I've just reiterated what everyone else has said, but I hope it helps!

zami31 wrote:Sorry!

Please dont leave!!!

zami31: No one has their hair regimen perfect, if we did then most would not still be trying out products.
I have a mix of all 4s on my head. I've never had a relaxer and 20+ yrs later I am still learning. If you come back and would like for us to help I am sure there are a lot of here that would not mind passing on some things we have learned-what products have you already tried?

I think your hair is beautiful.

Lynnieluve wrote:

zami31 wrote:Sorry!

Please dont leave!!!

Ditto!!!

tiashauntee wrote:

Lynnieluve wrote:

zami31 wrote:Sorry!

Please dont leave!!!

Ditto!!!

Agreed!!!!

Mak wrote:I think your hair is beautiful.

Your hair definitely is beautiful! Please come back!! We really want to continue talking to you ...

Zami31: Please, do not become or allow yourself to be discouraged. We've ALL been through what you're going through, whether we've been natural a year or even A CENTURY. We're also willing to help you find/try products that'll work FOR YOU--as Tia said, not everyone here has a fixed list of products, much less a regimen that's set in stone. (Product Junkies, raise your hands please! LOL) Basically, YOU'RE NOT ALONE--sites such as Curly Nikki are here to let you know that.

Whether you stay or you leave, keep your head up and DON'T GIVE UP. Your hair isn't "bad" or "ugly". All it needs are some products/methods of maintenance that's unique to IT and IT ALONE.

tiashauntee wrote:

Lynnieluve wrote:

zami31 wrote:Sorry!

Please dont leave!!!

Ditto!!!

double ditto (does that make sense?) I was ready to cut mine off and start all over and this team of curly angels came to the rescue. I now know I am protein sensitive!

Zami31,

I hope that you don't leave and if my comments were such that they caused you to want to leave or discouraged you, then I apologize for my delivery. I have a tendency to say things in a blunt way without regard for my audience and in no way intended to give the impression that I was attacking you personally. What I said to you was simply what I would have said to my mom/sister/aunt/cousin/friend. I don't know you so rest assured I was not making any sort of personal judgments about you. Again, if my comments are the reason you wish to leave (as it appears that they are) then I apologize. This site was certainly not created with the idea of being discouraging to one another.

Ah! So many feelings about this one...

Zami31, you definitely should not leave!

Ditto on people's haircare advice. Oils, butters, moisture and sealants! Styling can also make a big difference.

I think that communicating via the internet requires a certain amount of steeled nerves, as words/statements/etc. can easily have multiple interpretations and sensitivity can be tough to navigate on the internet. Don't be discouraged about your hair, nor about sticking around here! This is a very kind group of supportive and knowledgeable ladies from what I've seen.

I understand how you feel. On the one hand, I also was offended by the negative comments that were made about "negro" hair, but I know where you're coming from! I too was frustrated by my dry, dull, non-curling hair when I BCd, especially after seeing all of the beautiful heads on various sites. I think that there's a lot to learn about haircare on this site, and by hanging around here you might even realize why talking about even your own hair that way makes others sad.

It's certainly not a matter of not belonging--you belong here just as much as anyone else! Stick around; I'd love to see how your hair journey goes!