10+ yrs natural, still not right

Erica5417 wrote:Zami31,

I hope that you don't leave and if my comments were such that they caused you to want to leave or discouraged you, then I apologize for my delivery. I have a tendency to say things in a blunt way without regard for my audience and in no way intended to give the impression that I was attacking you personally. What I said to you was simply what I would have said to my mom/sister/aunt/cousin/friend. I don't know you so rest assured I was not making any sort of personal judgments about you. Again, if my comments are the reason you wish to leave (as it appears that they are) then I apologize. This site was certainly not created with the idea of being discouraging to one another.

A very gracious apology. But you're not the bad guy either.

Well, Well, Well... Where do I start wit this one..

Zami: Honey you are who you are regardless of your hair texture. My hair is considered to be in the 4s but I look at that as a blessing, because honey I got a head full of thick, gorgeous hair. I cut my hair on September 10, 2009 and it has grown A LOT... It really is not about your hair type it is about your confidence in yourself. Judging by your picture you are adorable.. Do not let your hair type discourage you from being the beautiful woman that you want to be. I have had A LOT of bad hair days (Last week was a bad hair week). but I still know that I am beautiful, inside and out.. Sweetie you could be bald and still be beautiful.

Ericka5417: I understood and agree with what you said about our type hair being put in a negative light. That is something that we as individuals will have to over come and realize that we are who we are.. and bottom line... it is just hair... You can grab some clippers and cut it all off, but it will grow back.... You have hit a lot of key points about the society that we live in today.

To All: I was given this site from my natural big sister (she is the one that encouraged me to take the step to go natural).. I have enjoyed this site oh so much because it has given me a lot of insight on styling, hair care, and personal battles that we may have.. I love to see all of you naturally beautiful women.. I appreciate all of your comments and discussions.

Good looking out... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

How do you know you protein sensitive?

zami31 wrote:I've been natural for over 10 years, and I
still don't have it right! I did the BC in the summer of 1999! I have
(and pls don't be offended by the expression, there's just no better
way to discribe it)... I have true Negro hair! It's dry, dull, no real
curl definition (for the tech types it's 4b), DRY, breaks off, split
ends, dusty, nappy, hard, course, lifeless, ugly... bottom line.. it's
real bad.

I wore my hair cut close for about 5 years. Then
decided I wanted some lenght to it and look more lady-like. The longer
it got, the worse it got. I turned into a real product junkie looking
for the right shampoo (til i found out about the "no 'poo" method),
conditioner, and moisterizer. Well, for the next year nothing worked.
So, I broke down and did the texturizer thing. (BAD IDEA) It was like
having a relaxer all over again. BC again 3 months after that.

It's
now another 5 years past and I really want that feminine, soft,
cute-curly look. I don't have the money for all the expensive and
"multiple" products to TRY and make my hair look like I want it. It
still looks "DUSTY" and like a boy! I'm tired of wearing it like a boy,
but I can't seem to do anything else with it.

I have
noticed that on this site (like MANY MANY OTHERS on natural hair) all
the ladies with lovely natural hair all have the type 2 or type 3. It's
sooooo much easier for those ladies because they already have the soft,
shiny, cute-curly hair without the chemicals. I don't see many ladies
with that hard, course, dry, dull, dusty, nappy, hair like mine.

In
my desperation for the soft, shiny, health, feminine look... I did the
texturizer thing again! But this time, it's decent. Until I have to go
out in the cold and snow with a hat on and it completely crushes it. I
have about 2 inches of hair now, longest I've let it grow. But I can't
do anything with it under all the winter head gear, so i don't end up
looking like a porcupine when I take my hat off.

I've decided
for the 3rd (and last time) I will do the BC again and just keep it
short and boy-like. I'm so disappointed, but it's super easy to take
care of and it doesn't cost that much to maintain.

That's my story. Thanks for takin the time to read.
Much love my BEAUTIFUL BLACK SISTERS!
Zoe

Zoe, (love the name btw)
I am so sorry that at this time you are feeling so discouraged by your hair.. In all honesty plenty of us have felt like you before becoming a natural or in the transition period... Hell I've been natural for almost 4 yrs and I still get frustrated with my hair at times when it doesn't seem to behave the way I want or look like the other beautiful naturals I come across. I always state that my hair and I are a "relationship in progress"...b/c it and I don't always get along...LOL

We have been conditioned to associate "black" hair as being "dusty", "nappy", "dull" and ugly all around. We especially think this when we compare our own head of hair to those of other hair textures.... The wavier, looser, shiny curl is looked at as being prettier and a little bit easier to accept - Although I think its safe to say that everyone, regardless of hair type has probably had their share of ignorant encounters, simply b/c their hair wasn't relaxed or chemically altered, which is the considered the "standard of beauty". That's why being natural is considered a journey for most of us..

There are things that have already been suggested by various members of this community that you could try as far as products and regimen...unfortunately when it comes to that there is no easy answer.... Its pure trial and error. Actually that is one of the blessing and curses (so to speak) of natural hair. NO ONE'S hair is EXACTLY the same, even within family. Yes we talk a LOT about hair twins and you may meet someone who's hair is very similar to yours but truthfully, our hair is likened to fingerprints. There is always that ONE thing about our hair that makes us uniquely different than the person next to us. I personally like to think of that as another expression of God's love for us b/c we are "fearfully and wonderfully made..." but that I digress from my original point...LOL. You may have to find someone who's hair is similar and STILL make NEEDED modifications to find what actually works for you. What I so LOVE about this community is that the naturals or soon to be naturals are sooooo supportive of one another.

That actually brings me to my second point. And I apologize in advanced for being soooo long winded, but I can be very passionate about this subject b/c I understand... No doubt with a bit of leg work and LOTS of patience You WILL find a regimen and products that work for YOU...but all of that wont mean jack if you don't start accepting your hair WHERE IT'S AT, RIGHT NOW. and btw, when I say "accept" I dont mean being content with you hair being unhealthy...I mean understanding and saying "yes my hair may be drier than normal", "it may look dull looking b/c I haven't learned HOW to take care of it in its natural state", but my hair is my hair and those are ALL things that CAN be changed and improved so regardless of that I AM STILL BEAUTIFUL and SO IS IT... Changing how you view and associate your hair will make the world of difference. You dont have to be a 2 or 3 or 4a or (whatever you call it b/c I don't follow the typing system) hair type to have a beautiful head of hair... I have personally seen even what is considered the "kinkiest" hair types rock their BEAUTIFUL, TRESSES. I need to be taking notes from them b/c my hair aint that wavy, looser, shiny stuff either.. But I am still loving MY hair... If I didn't, my hair could be the fiercest thing out there and I would STILL be comparing it to someone else and NEVER fully accepting of what God gave ME to work with..

I hope I don't sound offensive to you, b/c I truly wish to encourage you. It saddens my heart to see how we've been conditioned to feel about our hair. Changing our mind set is truly liberating and what allows us to rock our hair (quirks and all) with confidence...

I really hope that you don't give up and I wish you the best on your personal journey
Sincerely
Char