Re: WHITE & BLK FOLKS

by LadyV69 9th February 2010, 6:33 pm

My white friends are more curious about my hair than anything, really. I've also gotten more compliments about it from them. My black friends haven't said anything negative but like other posters experiences, they admire my "courage to go natural because I don't have good hair" and so on. It can get annoying. My dad and my nephew haven't said anything about it (my mother, sister and other relatives live out of state and haven't seen my hair since I've gone fully natural five months ago).

by KinkyKurls4Krystal 9th February 2010, 7:18 pm

poeticlyspkng wrote:Lots of interesting comments on this subject. I did the BC on April 23, 2009, during my lunch hour. When I returned to work, I think many folks- black and white were in shock. But it was one of my white co-workers who embraced my new hairstyle first. She marveled at the fact that my face was no longer hidden (traditionally my hair has covered it in some form or fashion, bangs, etc). My family was dumb-struck. They either said nothing or said- it looks nice on you with trepidation in their voices. Ultimately though sistas have embraced my hair. They often say the things many of you have heard- they can't believe I did it, they wouldn't be brave enough, their hair wasn't as good as mine, etc. I always tell them that I thought/said the same thing. So I think I've experienced the whole gamut but for the most part- people have been open. I think the natural hair movement in Ohio though is pretty strong and that helps.

Yay for Ohio Natural Ladies!!! I live in Columbus too. I too love the fact that you did your BC on your lunch break!!! That's too cool. My family has yet to see my hair, I'm a little nervous about what they'll say. When I told people I was going natural I usually got a "good thing you have a cute face" response. I never knew how to respond. "umm thanks? i think."

by CreoleLady88 9th February 2010, 7:28 pm

catcurls wrote:
CreoleLady88 wrote:
jlowman1 wrote:
CreoleLady88 wrote:I've only had my haircut for a day, and i've had good and bad reactions from both races. My fam loved it, but grandma hated it! My teachers at school, who are white, loved it, but my coworkers, which are also white didnt say a word! They looked in shock and dismayed! But of course i didnt care! lol

My Grandmother hated mine at first as well. She almost cried, she was like "why did you cut all that pretty hair off?" Im like Gma, its not that serious! lol It'll grow back!
Then I thought ok, her generation holds hair to such a high standard and if its not long and relaxed, its nappy and unmanageable.

Your hair is GORGEOUS by the way!

Thanks girl, urs is too! But yeah the older generation is set in their ways! She'll like it once it grows out, but as of right now she just looks at me with disgust! lol!

Hi Ladies - I'm 51 and a grandma to boot did my bc 8/2009, I'm very proudly & happily 6mos natural now. I've recently encouraged my daughter-in-law to allow my grandaughter to keep her bsl natural locks, she's 9 so not really bsl yet, lol but you feel me. So pleeeaase ladies, do not do what has been done to us as a people for decades "Let's not stereotype others, be it gender, ethniciy or age".

BTW everyone's avatar looks great!!

Aging is like fine wine, it gets better with time!

Wow u dont look 51! whats ur secret! lol but i wasn't trying to stereotype anyone! Im speaking for the older generation in my family...my grandma is 70 and a creole southern belle so she's used to seeing basically all the women in my family with long hair! So i seem like a rebel in her eyes! lol

by SisterBoyd 9th February 2010, 8:08 pm

I love the BC on your lunch break!

Comments/compliments have been mixed. When I first went natural and I still had heat damage my black coworkers made a point of telling me I didn't have an afro...they should see me now hee hee hee

Non-blacks ummm really don't get much airtime. I think I had one lady tell me that she thought my hair looked better straight, but she told me that when I was pressing. I used to wear pin curls and she said she liked my hair bone straight. But I can't honestly say that I've had them say much about my hair.

Now I've gotten mixed comments from black folks. Some have complimented my curls, I've had a few people ask me when I'm going to press my hair out, some have told me that I HAVE TO press my hair out for my wedding (I'm not even in a relationship right now ha haha) and I always get that wonderfully ignorant question of, "but are you mixed?" As far as men go I understand that the men from my past are hair men so they are having a really hard time dealing with my hair now. The new men in my life have been loving and kind. My last boyfriend would say that his girl had a cute lil afro...ha ha ha and so did he Wink

by LadyMika 9th February 2010, 8:47 pm

I've gotten some of everything. But what's been annoying me the most the last few days was a co-worker (who is relaxed and light skinned) who quipped "You've got your beautiful natural hair and you're just pretty FOR A DARK GIRL" with a mild attitude. I was FLOORED. I just looked at her like "why would you EVEN...just WHY!?".

Now I'm sitting here wondering how much distance I have to put between myself and this girl, if stuff like this is going to be flying out of her mouth. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] These days are getting lonelier and lonelier...

by SisterBoyd 9th February 2010, 9:17 pm

LadyMika wrote:I've gotten some of everything. But what's been annoying me the most the last few days was a co-worker (who is relaxed and light skinned) who quipped "You've got your beautiful natural hair and you're just pretty FOR A DARK GIRL" with a mild attitude. I was FLOORED. I just looked at her like "why would you EVEN...just WHY!?".

Now I'm sitting here wondering how much distance I have to put between myself and this girl, if stuff like this is going to be flying out of her mouth. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] These days are getting lonelier and lonelier...

That heffa! I'm light and I'm just floored. As someone who receive total hell in school for being light and having some hair I'm so pissed at her for saying that. gggggrrrr!!!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] There is absolutely no reason or cause to say something like that...never! Ever!

by poeticlyspkng 9th February 2010, 9:28 pm

jlowman1 wrote:
poeticlyspkng wrote:Lots of interesting comments on this subject. I did the BC on April 23, 2009, during my lunch hour. When I returned to work, I think many folks- black and white were in shock. But it was one of my white co-workers who embraced my new hairstyle first. She marveled at the fact that my face was no longer hidden (traditionally my hair has covered it in some form or fashion, bangs, etc). My family was dumb-struck. They either said nothing or said- it looks nice on you with trepidation in their voices. Ultimately though sistas have embraced my hair. They often say the things many of you have heard- they can't believe I did it, they wouldn't be brave enough, their hair wasn't as good as mine, etc. I always tell them that I thought/said the same thing. So I think I've experienced the whole gamut but for the most part- people have been open. I think the natural hair movement in Ohio though is pretty strong and that helps.

I love the fact that you did your big chop on your lunch break. How cool is that! You made it seem just like any other old thing people do on their break (i.e. pay bills, get nails done, get a few things for the house) LOVE IT! lol

Thanks jlowman- LOL! I didn't even think of it that way. My hairdresser and I talked and just made the decision after I scheduled a mid-day appt. I had been sweating my hair out regularly and felt discouraged. When she said you can cut it or keep struggling, I just gave in. Now, it's history.

by LadyMika 9th February 2010, 9:38 pm

SisterBoyd wrote:
LadyMika wrote:I've gotten some of everything. But what's been annoying me the most the last few days was a co-worker (who is relaxed and light skinned) who quipped "You've got your beautiful natural hair and you're just pretty FOR A DARK GIRL" with a mild attitude. I was FLOORED. I just looked at her like "why would you EVEN...just WHY!?".

Now I'm sitting here wondering how much distance I have to put between myself and this girl, if stuff like this is going to be flying out of her mouth. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] These days are getting lonelier and lonelier...

That heffa! I'm light and I'm just floored. As someone who receive total hell in school for being light and having some hair I'm so pissed at her for saying that. gggggrrrr!!!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] There is absolutely no reason or cause to say something like that...never! Ever!

Right now, I'm just...in total disbelief. So she must've thought I was "okay" when I had relaxed hair, maybe even ugly? Maybe she thinks I'm ugly anyway but my hair is my saving grace? I just don't know what to make of it. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] (And I have to see her again tomorrow at a staff meeting. Not looking forward.)

by catcurls 9th February 2010, 10:23 pm

CreoleLady88 wrote:
catcurls wrote:
CreoleLady88 wrote:
jlowman1 wrote:
CreoleLady88 wrote:I've only had my haircut for a day, and i've had good and bad reactions from both races. My fam loved it, but grandma hated it! My teachers at school, who are white, loved it, but my coworkers, which are also white didnt say a word! They looked in shock and dismayed! But of course i didnt care! lol

My Grandmother hated mine at first as well. She almost cried, she was like "why did you cut all that pretty hair off?" Im like Gma, its not that serious! lol It'll grow back!
Then I thought ok, her generation holds hair to such a high standard and if its not long and relaxed, its nappy and unmanageable.

Your hair is GORGEOUS by the way!

Thanks girl, urs is too! But yeah the older generation is set in their ways! She'll like it once it grows out, but as of right now she just looks at me with disgust! lol!

Hi Ladies - I'm 51 and a grandma to boot did my bc 8/2009, I'm very proudly & happily 6mos natural now. I've recently encouraged my daughter-in-law to allow my grandaughter to keep her bsl natural locks, she's 9 so not really bsl yet, lol but you feel me. So pleeeaase ladies, do not do what has been done to us as a people for decades "Let's not stereotype others, be it gender, ethniciy or age".

BTW everyone's avatar looks great!!

Aging is like fine wine, it gets better with time!

Wow u dont look 51! whats ur secret! lol but i wasn't trying to stereotype anyone! Im speaking for the older generation in my family...my grandma is 70 and a creole southern belle so she's used to seeing basically all the women in my family with long hair! So i seem like a rebel in her eyes! lol

NP just want you to know there are us 50+'s out here who whole heartedly support being natural. I think the variety of styles this generation have pioneered are GREAT!!! If only they had been around during the 70's afro movement those of us with afro's may have chose to remain natural and not succumb to the societal pressure to straighten our hair!

Thank you all very much for the compliments...I've learned so much about the positive affects of natural products from this site and others...must be the bentonite clay mask, it cleans my pores like crazy...

by SisterBoyd 10th February 2010, 12:41 am

Right now, I'm just...in total disbelief. So she must've thought I was "okay" when I had relaxed hair, maybe even ugly? Maybe she thinks I'm ugly anyway but my hair is my saving grace? I just don't know what to make of it. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] (And I have to see her again tomorrow at a staff meeting. Not looking forward.)[/quote]

You make of it...she's ignorant. Even if she somehow, some way wasn't trying to be mean (which I find hard to believe, but people say stuff and don't realize what they're saying...grrrr) she is just plain ignorant. She is insensitive and lacks decorum and class. And since this was the workplace she is very unprofessional.

As far as dealing with her you don't have to distance yourself. She can't hurt you or take anything away from you. Remember, the Lord has a plan for you and nobody can steer you off of it but you. Make sure your game is on point. We know people say all kinds of crazy stuff at work to get us off of our game, but we are better and more mature than that. Remember that you are the beautiful woman that God created and shaped to His specifications and pleasure. You have more going on for yourself that she knows. You focus on what you have going on and soon her comment will be small change at the bottom of your pocket.

Keep you head up and know that you are so much more than the evilness that ignorance breeds. (((HUGS)))

by Juices-n-Berries 10th February 2010, 3:22 am

I've been on a rant this week because I'm 24, but I get mistaken for a middle school student. But seeing your picture, I have hope. If I'm gonna look like that at 50, then whooo hooo!

by iri9109 10th February 2010, 6:28 am

LadyMika wrote:I've gotten some of everything. But what's been annoying me the most the last few days was a co-worker (who is relaxed and light skinned) who quipped "You've got your beautiful natural hair and you're just pretty FOR A DARK GIRL" with a mild attitude. I was FLOORED. I just looked at her like "why would you EVEN...just WHY!?".

Now I'm sitting here wondering how much distance I have to put between myself and this girl, if stuff like this is going to be flying out of her mouth. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] These days are getting lonelier and lonelier...

if its any phrase i hate its pretty for a dark skinned girl...why cant you just be pretty? like who made up the rule that chocolate girls cant be pretty, and there are only a few exceptions? i dont have anything against light skinned girls, but who said all light skinned girls are pretty? i know alot of average or less than average looking light skinned girls & some strikingly beautiful chocolate sistas & vice versa. i hate when people say ignorant things like that. &usually its guys who say that... anyways your co-worker needs to get rid of that superiority complex asap.

by KinkyNappyHappy 10th February 2010, 7:55 am

oooop2 wrote:I get more compliments from black folks. Many seem intrigued by my hair and ask me a lot of questions about being/going natural.

oooop2

I'm sure you do...you have mad beautiful hair! I know a girl that has hair like yours, and when I see her I can only stare at her. Her hair is so beautiful is just leaves me speechless..... drunken

by KinkyNappyHappy 10th February 2010, 8:11 am

catcurls

I'm right behind you...will be 49 in June and I soo love being natural and knocking on the door of 50. When I tell people my age they just look in amazement What a Face

I haven't had many negative comments; in fact everyone has been real curious and very supportive.

However...my mother is so NOT on board with this natural look. So we both agreed not discuss hair.

by **Lynnieluve** 10th February 2010, 11:02 am

KinkyNappyHappy wrote:catcurls

I'm right behind you...will be 49 in June and I soo love being natural and knocking on the door of 50. When I tell people my age they just look in amazement

I haven't had many negative comments; in fact everyone has been real curious and very supportive.

However...my mother is so NOT on board with this natural look. So we both agreed not discuss hair.

I had no idea you were 48!!! Looking good KNH!!!

by LadyMika 10th February 2010, 1:30 pm

SisterBoyd wrote:Right now, I'm just...in total disbelief. So she must've thought I was "okay" when I had relaxed hair, maybe even ugly? Maybe she thinks I'm ugly anyway but my hair is my saving grace? I just don't know what to make of it. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] (And I have to see her again tomorrow at a staff meeting. Not looking forward.)

You make of it...she's ignorant. Even if she somehow, some way wasn't trying to be mean (which I find hard to believe, but people say stuff and don't realize what they're saying...grrrr) she is just plain ignorant. She is insensitive and lacks decorum and class. And since this was the workplace she is very unprofessional.

As far as dealing with her you don't have to distance yourself. She can't hurt you or take anything away from you. Remember, the Lord has a plan for you and nobody can steer you off of it but you. Make sure your game is on point. We know people say all kinds of crazy stuff at work to get us off of our game, but we are better and more mature than that. Remember that you are the beautiful woman that God created and shaped to His specifications and pleasure. You have more going on for yourself that she knows. You focus on what you have going on and soon her comment will be small change at the bottom of your pocket.

Keep you head up and know that you are so much more than the evilness that ignorance breeds. (((HUGS)))[/quote]

Thanks for your positivity SisterBoyd. I probably let this bother me more than it should, but I'm alright now. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

by DreamMerchant 11th February 2010, 12:43 am

I get many reactions from both races. The white people seem to love it and always want to touch it. When I dated black men, they did not have nice comments to say about my hair. The white men on the other hand did not have a problem with it.

The black people look at me crazy. I had one of my 9th grade students (she is black) ask me if I was mixed. I told her no and then she had the nerve to ask me if I knew who my real father was! I was shocked and speachless. My first reaction was to go off but I had to think that they are children and was need to use this as a learning experience. The students always want to know about my hair. WHen I worked at the middle school, the black male students would whisper medusa and nappy head but the black females loved it.

I was even told by someone that natural hair makes you look poor but straight hair makes you look rich. *sigh*

by d.denise 11th February 2010, 12:49 am

ummm mine is a mixed reaction. I would definitely say black men compliment me on my hair more than black women though. I went and stayed with a white friend in miami this weekend and it was her first time seeing my hair curly and she was like "why haven't you been wearing your hair like that all this time?" and "i've always wanted curly hair" but most other's dont really seem interested either way. (but she also doesn't date americans so that may have something to do with it lol. her bf now is a black costa rican)...

and beyond just black and white my very first compliment came from the korean lady at the nail place where I used to get my eyebrows waxed. i'm laying on the table with my eyes cloths and she's just raving about my hair! I was afraid to open my eyes cuz I thought she was about to run her hands through it or get wax in my eyes
but getting that compliment on my very first "big hair day" meant the world. did wonders for my confidence and my willingness to wear it big again..and I didn't care what color she was....

by blondie 11th February 2010, 2:26 am

LadyMika wrote:I've gotten some of everything. But what's been annoying me the most the last few days was a co-worker (who is relaxed and light skinned) who quipped "You've got your beautiful natural hair and you're just pretty FOR A DARK GIRL" with a mild attitude. I was FLOORED. I just looked at her like "why would you EVEN...just WHY!?".

Now I'm sitting here wondering how much distance I have to put between myself and this girl, if stuff like this is going to be flying out of her mouth. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] These days are getting lonelier and lonelier...

You are much better than me. She would have TRULY been fried right there! The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me!

by snappynappy 14th February 2010, 5:52 pm

Juices-n-Berries wrote:I've been on a rant this week because I'm 24, but I get mistaken for a middle school student. But seeing your picture, I have hope. If I'm gonna look like that at 50, then whooo hooo!

I am 23 (at the end of the month) and I was downtown shopping and I had a police officer ask why I wasn't in school. I let him see my college ID and he was like "Sorry miss, I didn't know, I couldn't really tell". This is why I dont think I cant teach at the high school level, people don't even think I am old enough to be in high school!

My white friends love my hair, but blacks ( most of my family included) give me a serious side eye. My grandmother and niece are the only ones that really like it.

by R2D2 15th February 2010, 1:32 am

DreamMerchant wrote:

I had one of my 9th grade students (she is black) ask me if I was mixed. I told her no and then she had the nerve to ask me if I knew who my real father was! I was shocked and speachless.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Just wow. The sheer amount of brainwashing.

by blondie 15th February 2010, 1:46 am

R2D2 wrote:
DreamMerchant wrote:

I had one of my 9th grade students (she is black) ask me if I was mixed. I told her no and then she had the nerve to ask me if I knew who my real father was! I was shocked and speachless.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Just wow. The sheer amount of brainwashing.

What the?!?! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Where's the fainting icon???

That reminds me of when I was in college and living in Philly, I was asked by a 17 year old girl from West Philly (I was 19 at the time) how many kids I had. As I stuttered that I didn't have any kids because I wasn't yet married, was only 19, AND was still in school, she looked at me as if I had just said I was originally from southeast Jupiter, had 2 heads, and a clubfoot protruding from my butt. I'll never forget, she said "At your age I'da thought you'd had at least TWO kids by now."

I couldn't even respond.

by snappynappy 15th February 2010, 2:16 am

blondie wrote:
R2D2 wrote:
DreamMerchant wrote:

I had one of my 9th grade students (she is black) ask me if I was mixed. I told her no and then she had the nerve to ask me if I knew who my real father was! I was shocked and speachless.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Just wow. The sheer amount of brainwashing.

What the?!?! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Where's the fainting icon???

That reminds me of when I was in college and living in Philly, I was asked by a 17 year old girl from West Philly (I was 19 at the time) how many kids I had. As I stuttered that I didn't have any kids because I wasn't yet married, was only 19, AND was still in school, she looked at me as if I had just said I was originally from southeast Jupiter, had 2 heads, and a clubfoot protruding from my butt. I'll never forget, she said "At your age I'da thought you'd had at least TWO kids by now."

I couldn't even respond.

What? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Wow. That sad right there.

by jlowman1 15th February 2010, 2:46 am

The only awkward reaction I've gotten from a white person is:

Before my big chop, I had been trying to explain to my white coworker about how I was going natural. I explained to her what I was trying to accomplish, told her what a "relaxer" is and all that good stuff. At the end of the convo, she told me "I think your hair will look great when you cut it b/c you have good hair."

EXCUSE ME! I wasnt sure whether to take it as a compliment or what. Its nice of her to think that I have nice hair but does she think that black people have "bad hair" and I just so happen to be one of the lucky ones to get "good hair"? I was kinda floored. I really didnt know how to react. I just said, "Well thanks." I know she could tell from my facial expressions that my reaction was totally different from what I verbally responded with.

by ktoliver5303 15th February 2010, 3:37 am

LOL I am loving all of your comments.. But for me when it comes to my family. Everyone is basically natural so they were like. DANG heffa it is about time!!! As for work.. The white people I work with and encountered thought that my hair is beautiful. They actually asked more questions with weave than they do natural hair. I loved the fact that the old white men that run the entire Iraq project saw my hair and made it a point to tell me how nice it looked. Hell they are tracking my growth more than I do. LOL!! As in the black people.. I have been told everything under the sun.. From why you gonna walk around looking like a jigga boo (which that was said in front of a white person which was a whole other convo to explain that), to how can you go to a formal even and be n*gga then saks fifth ave on the bottom. Also, when I go home and leave project; I have a business partner and we choose a very elegant name for our even planning business and I was told people will look at the name as in elegance and then two natural sistas walk up they may change their minds. Which by that point I cussed that person out!!

I now ignore any comments that people (black) make about my hair and let them know it is not about my hair, it is about my mental.. Get like me, then talk to me about something REAL!!

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