She's fighting about her 'puffy hair'!

My 7 year old has been turned on to press and curls, thanks to her aunt. Mom and Dad are OK with it for special occaisons (birthdays, weddings, picture day , etc), but otherwise shun it, because she gets this 'tude when her hair is straight! She stays in the mirror brushing it, swings it, won't keep her hands out of it and just get real vain!

Well, we had a funeral to go to so grandma pressed it, and I'm like "OK", 'cause it needs to be washed, anyways so it will stay straight a day or so. Well a day turned into 4 days and she ended up wearing it to school today - down. The thing is, my baby has this really lightweight hair, so no amount of heat or grease will keep it straight and heavy ehough to acheve the look she desires, so it almost always ends up 'poofy' but not curly - equvalent to a shoulder length blowout. All in all it's a beautiful head of sandy brown hair.

But today she decides to haul off and hit 4 kids because they called her hair 'poofy'! Mind you this is not her character at all, and I can totally relate to what she is going through, because I had the same issue when I was growing up - even my braided pony tails were big and poofy. But I cried, I didn't hit.

So now, my husband and I decided that we absolutely need to have the hair talk. But she seems so young! She's only 7, but a very articulate and understanding child. I dont' fear that she will not understand what we are trying to convey to her, but I'm more fearful that this will be the beginning of a series of 'I Hate My Hair' conversations.

Can you share your similar experiences and solutions - I'd really like to know how you'd deal with the issue in your homes.

Thanks in advance!

Even though I haven't experienced the same thing exactly (my daughter doesn't hit and rarely even defends herself), I can definitely relate.

I have had several conversations with my daughter, who's 11 yrs old, about loving herself in general because kids will always find something to tease another child about. It started off with her lips, which are big but beautiful, then spilled over to her hair. She'd come home crying about every mean thing said that day and complain that she didn't have ANY friends (SO not true).

I explained to her that she's beautiful and as long as she believed that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I showed her women who get injections to resemble the full, plump lips that she's blessed with naturally. When kids told her she needed a perm, I told her to look at the condition of their hair and ask herself if that's what she really wanted. Most of them had thin, lifeless hair that was supplemented with weave for lenght and thickness. If long, healthy hair is what she wanted, we needed to take care of her hair not perm it!

I know your daughter may seem young but unfortunately we, as parents, have to start these and other sensitive conversations early to avoid future problems of depression, eating disorders, and self-hatred. This will just be the 1st of many conversations. By the time she's a teenager, she should be self-aware and well equipped to handle the tougher criticisms to come as an adult. Hope that help. Best of luck!!!

I had the same problem with my daughter. She is now 7 years old. When she was 4-6 she would often mention her hair not being pretty because it was not straight and didn't move. I tried my damnedest to convince her that her hair was beautiful...but to no avail. Luckily, I have a few students (I'm a high school teacher) that braid. I had them create different hair styles and try them out on her. Some days she would even have beads on the ends. Compliment after compliment after compliment began to pour in. Now she brags about her braids or puffs. It didn't hurt that when I BCd to an extra teeny weeny afro in September 2010, I was able to explain and show her how beautiful our hair is in its natural state. Now she wants a TWA too...which I told her no.

I encourage you to try different non-straight styles and let her pick them out. Hopefully that will help her come around. It took my daugher awhile, but now she loves her hair being "different."

awww i'm not a mommy so i can;t say anything but i'm glad she hit lol

I don't have kids, but I do remember being that age and it IS hard. Its difficult when the other kids at school may have straighten hair (or naturally straight hair) and/or tease. I had a difficult time with magazines (Ebony/Essence/Jet) at a time when natural hair was not embraced. In the 80s, natural hair was soooo 70's.

I think what would have helped me is seeing photos of girls my age with natural hair. It was few and far between when I was growing up, but there are so many resources today - like the internet. Blogs and websites featuring girls and teens with beautiful natural hair may help.

I hope this helps FWIW.

Ahhhhhh. I don't have any advice because I have a boy. He used to rock a super curly puff up until a year ago. Every now and then he tells me, mommy I want my "afrut" back like yours. But like I said I really don't have much to offer other than just talking to her about the natural beauty of your hair and her's. Good luck.

Show her Happy Girl Hair.

Im the only one that is allowed to touch my daughters hair. When she is with my sis or mom over night if she is not in twists or braids, they will put her hair back the way it was when they received her, just freshen it up (ex. a pony puff).

My daughter is 5 and ive been telling her, that her curly hair is beautiful. When I did blow it out the few times that I did, She took on a diva-tude almost instantly. I let her know right then and there that her hair is nice but it looks nice in braids twist curly or whatever.

I think your daughter reacted physically because what was said made her feel angry. If it wasnt about her hair and maybe her shoes, you think she would have reacted the same way?

If I were you I'd encourage her, build up her esteem, let her watch that sesame street video over and over until she learns the words! lol.

What Im trying to teach my daughter now is to love everything about her regardless of the opinions of others and theres nothing wrong with being different.

Im sharing my experience just to let you know that your daughter is not the only one.

BUild her up. And tell her auntie and grandma to keep there paws out the babies head... lol

My daughter is 6 and even though I havent been through this situation, I would keep telling my daughter how beautiful her hair is. I would show her images of different natural AA hairstyles like braids, twists and etc, I would also check out books like I love my Hair, and Wild Wild Hair. To help her see other kids who are happy with their beautiful natural hair. I hope this helps & Good Luck.