Adoptive mom to beautiful AA girl

Hello everyone! I am new to this forum. My husband and I are both caucasian and we adopted a beautiful AA girl when she was two weeks old. She is now 2 and 1/2 years old, and I have to admit, I STILL have no idea what I am doing with her hair. She has VERY tight curls that spring back to her scalp. When you pull it out it is like 5 inches long, but I leave it natural and just pick it out some and put a bow in it.....It clings so much to her scalp that it looks really short! I do not really know how to do the braids and I have had a couple AA friends tell me it would really help to loosen her curls some if I was to have it braided/styled somehow. I have called around, even went to one salon, and I am not having much luck. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Products to use? Right now we use silken child shampoo and conditioner.....also the conditioning lotion each day and a conditioning detangeler. I don't think the comb I am using is correct either. She has a lot of breakage. I have used Liv on her hair by someone's recommendation, but I am not a big fan of the smell of it. Any help would be greatly appreciated. We are in the Dallas/Fort worth area so if anyone knows of any salons or places that might help!

How often do you wash her hair?

Have you looked at YouTube for help learning how to braid?

I love the fact you want to learn how to do her hair and if you were in FL I'd offer to meet up and twist her hair for free. Adoption is such a good thing. *hugs*

PaganWifey, no I haven't looked at Youtube. Thanks for the tip! I am washing her hair once a week, unless of course someone at the babysitter's dumps sand in in .....that was a joy to get out!!! It kept coming our for days!!!!

If I was in FL I would for sure meet up so you could help with her hair!!!!

There are tons of videos on YouTube outlining a variety of hairstyles. I'm sure you'll be able to find something that you like and feel like you can accomplish. So she only gets her hair wet the one time a week?

It only gets wet when we wash it unless we go swimming or something. Do I need to be getting it wet more often?

You don't HAVE to, but cowashing it every now and again (washing it with conditioner) can help keep it moisturized and prevent product build up. Keeping it moisturized can prevent breakage.

This may be a dumb question, but what exactly does the term "cowashing" mean?

You're basically using conditioner the same way you use shampoo.


Try looking for Lorraine Massey's book Curly Girl in your library. It explains it really well.

@laughterkt - Try happygirlhair.com She is also a Caucasian adoptive mother of AA girls and has fantastic hair product and style tips.

Thank you so much. I will go type in that site to look at. I attempted to separate her hair into braids yesterday !!! The parts were so not straight and I am not sure I even did it right, but it looked half way cute! Then, I was amazed when I took the braids out how LONG her hair was !!!!! Wow! Of course it kinked back up when I sprayed it again,.......

Another great site http://beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com/.

Hi laughterkt,

I'm so glad you are seeking help. Please encourage other adoptive parents to do the same for interracial adoptions (I used to be an adoption SW, so these issues are important to me).

I suggest a few things:

1. As knowledgeable as you may be about your hair, your also have to be just as knowledgeable about your daughter's hair. What is her hair type (not curl pattern). Is it overly porous? Fine? Course? What is the elasticity? Check out livecurlylivefree.com for information about curly hair. The more you know about what type of hair she has, the better informed you are to purchase products with the right ingredients that will benefit her hair. You know what your hair can and cannot tolerate, so it's important to do the same for your daughter. Once you know the type of hair she has, we can make suggestions on products to use for it.

2. Help your daughter build her self esteem. I know it may be a struggle for you to do her hair, but never let her sense your frustration. If you love her curls, so will she.

3. Invest in a stylist/salon that specializes in natural/curly hair. That is important. If you take to a regular AA salon, they may convince you to relax (chemically straighten) her hair. They will say it will make it manageable, but the chemicals in it will damage her hair. DON'T RELAX IT! Naturallycurly.com has listings of curly salons by state. There are natural products that can loosen the curl like henna, and there are styles like braids, twists that can define the curl and stretch the hair.

4. Stay encouraged. The best defense is a great offense. The better educated and prepared you are, the better decisions you can make for your daughter. Even though styling is important, the health of your daughter's hair is more important.

Hopefully this has helped! Keep us updated on your (and your daughter's progress). Sorry I typed so much

Peace and Love

Melanie

Melanie....thank you so much for taking the time to give me that advice. I am very thankful to have found this forum. I will look at the site you listed to see her hair type. I know what you mean about not feeling frustrated with her hair, or letting her know that. I want her to know how beautiful she is and love everything about herself!
Katie

You're awesome Katie. Just wanted to let you know.

PaganWifey wrote:You're awesome Katie. Just wanted to let you know.

I concur! Katie, I sent you a private message. Just letting you know to check them. It took me forever to figure out that I even had messages to check : )

Ladies....ya'll are awesome for helping me out!!!! I feel like God is the one who is REALLY awesome for giving us the gift of our daughter through adoption. And her birthmother/father, even though we never had a chance to meet them. We really want to try to find others who have adopted transracially and begin a play group or support group where we can meet in person. I want our daughter to be surrounded by her culture, and I hate to say it, but there are not as many AA children in our church or schools. Some, but not many. Any other advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
I have a lot to learn. And as she gets older, I am sure we will encounter other issues, but with God's help and a lot of prayer (and good advice from people like you) we will survive!!!

Katie

Katie you are great. because you are already looking for ways to help her and learn, you are already on your way to healthy hair and becoming a natural hair expert. just wanted to say that!

and happygirlhair and beads, braids and beyond are the best websites for children's natural hair. =] all natural products isn't any kind of imperative, but i would reccomend them. there are a lot of great brands out there to try. . .Aubrey Organics, Darcy's Botanicals, Bee Mine, Shea Moisture, and your local Trader Joe's even has some. . .here is a full list from Happy Girl Hair

http://www.happygirlhair.com/2010/03/natural-hair-care-products-lots-and.html

Hey Katie,

I'm also really happy that you are seeking help. Have you tried Herbal Essences Hello hydration conditioner? That is my and my daughters best friend. honestly. I love that conditioner. I don't even wash it out of my 4 year old daughter's hair. I leave it in, and that way when i detangle it, there is no breakage whatsoever. maybe 2 or 3 hairs on the big, wide tooth comb. Even tho finger detangling is the best and works very very easily. make sure NOT to pull on the knots that you will come across when detangling. Add more conditioner and very gently try to pull the hairs out of the knots.


For more tips, I just started my own african american kids hair blog.
Please follow www.curlyjannah.blogspot.com

How did I miss this??? You ladies are AMAZING you provided some wonderful tips/advice. I know I'm late but, has there been an update. Wondering how her progress is going.

New to this site but this post is full of great info! My wife (Dutch) and myself (Dominican) have adopted two AA girls (Sofia 2yo and Chloe 6 mo). Their hair started (using Sofia as the guideline) out curly but with big loose curls. This transitioned to tighter and tighter curls so that by around 18mo Sofia had the most gorgeous curls. At first we did not "style" it per se (just left it in it's natural curly state), but we were encouraged to "start learning how to braid(?) it. My wife took classes in African American hair and while that was helpful it left a great deal of questions.

I'm going to look at all the suggested sites since they look like great resources. Again thank all the members here for the great resource!

@Nnyan You will not be disappointed. Theres a wealth of info on here. Welcome!!