Seeking Acceptance from my own people

Hello Everyone,

I went Natural by default, so to speak. I was permanently dying my hair to hide the gray, therefore I stopped getting relaxers. I also had the short Rhianna hair cut too. So when I decided to grow my hair long again (Aug 09) I decided to not get a relaxer again. So I wore WIGS, quick weaves (bad idea) , sew ins and ponytails to cover my head up while I was trying to grow hair. I was SERIOUSLY addicted to the weave during this time. I wouldnt let anyone see my real hair. I also thought I was seriously unattractive when I looked at my real hair.

So.... Jan 2010, I decided that I would say " F it" and were my real hair,just straightened out. But the length was still very short, and I still felt unattractive. To make matters worse , the man I was dating at the time was not very supportive in my journey. I got a lot of " Is that how are you wearing your hair?" ' Why do you want to do that?" ' Are you going to comb it?" Talk about about self esteem hitting a low. Clearly you know that this relationship ended very soon.

As time went on, I started to embrace my natural hair more. I started taking vitamins, I use Carol's Daughter products mainly, and I wear alot of bantu knots. I live and work in a predominantly white area, and they LOVE my hair. Tell me how nice it looks, they love the curls, it fits my personality. But I cannot get any love from my BROTHERS. They dont even look my way, they dont want to date me, and this is my issue.

I am 26, single, no kids. I would love to have a husband and family one day , but at what cost? Am I going to have to leave Michigan? Start dating a white man? Start wearing a weave again?

Men always complain about high maintenance women, with elobarte weaves. I dont look like a video vixen, and it seems because I dont do that, I am being punished. I am not wearing weave now, I dont wear fake eyelashes or acrylic nails, I am a simple woman, with a natural puff, Can I get some love to?

Well, I started growing my hair out in Oct 09. My hair was cut in a pixie cut too, so I too have had issues with styling my hair. I currently have a sew in and I feel that I get plenty of attention from our male counterparts... atleast those that are attracted to the yaki long look. As for the brothers showing you some love... When you are comfortable and confident, MEN always seem to take notice. I always get attention from men when I am "feeling myself"... or when I am comfortable and confident.

Other than that, there are so many factors that go along with this type of situation. If there aren't that many brothers in your area... you may want position yourself in areas that are more popullated.

BTW - your curls in your avi are hot. Geez... it may be the "brothers" in your area.

I am having almost all of these same problems! I have a boyfriend and he is bi-racial so he has really "good" hair and doesn't really understand black hair (he thought our hair grew out completely straight) so i get those same comments from him. We have a very strong relationship so we talk thru it but my family is also very negative about it! I had the same Rihanna cut and I went thru the weave phase and flat iron phase but now I'm embracing the curls but no one else is!! Its hard but you just have to find that confidence w/i yourself and keep pushing! LOL

@Blex you are sooooooo about to become my Curly nikki buddy LOL... Transitioning is hard, especially when everybody whose in your inner circle is not being supportive or entirely understands why you chosen to go on this journey.

I can't say that I have encountered any of your issues during my transition and now that I am completely natural. Fortunately for me I have a mother who has been natural for nearly 20 years and she was very supportive. Even my great uncle despised my hair when it was weaved up.

Although support from your loved ones matter it's important and essential to support yourself during this time of transition. YWheny you accept your hair and it's many textures and versatility, you will exude confidence and attract others. Men are always attracted to confidence.

"So take me as I am or have nothing"-Ms. Mary J. Blige

Hello Ladies!

Does everyone get the Rhianna cut before they decide to transition? Because, I have the same cut, and I have decided to transition. I don't know what to do at all. I've never worn weave, so if I did that it would take some getting used to.

Just this morning, I was VERY discouraged. I called my mom and asked her about me getting my hair cut off into a TWA, and she said it wouldn't be cute. Needless to say I wanted to just completely cry, cause when moms don't think it'll be cute, that's a big deal. I really planned on transitioning for about another few months, maybe until mid july and then get the big chop. So, I'm starting ALL OVER with building my confidence up about my transition. The lesson?....if you want to successfully transition, be strong and let your opinion be the only one that count.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!

When I began to transition (Oct '09), my mom and sister were very discouraging. It did not help that at the moment I made my decision we were all sitting in the hair salon...go figure. needless to say, I went ahead with going natural and my mother and sister have come on board. They think my new look is cute...especially since I cut my long hair to my shoulders. Unlike you, Temper, I have gotten compliments on the new look. Like Tiff said, it is all in the confidence and how you are feeling yourself. good luck with your transition.