Biggest Fears about Going Natural?!

Can we talk for a minute ladies? Like, really talk? lol I'm almost a year into my transition and I have to admit that I have a couple of fears about going natural. I know everyone talks about how going natural is such a wonderful, liberating and beautiful experience but truth be told...I'm shaking in my YSL boots. For one, I have very long relaxed hair and I'm scared that after I do the BC my hair won't get to the length that it is now and I really, really, REALLY don't want to have short hair for too long. Number 2, texture. Now I know as a college-educated soul sista i'm SUPPOSED to love whatever type of hair grows out my head but honestly....I would hate if my hair was dry and looked and felt like cotton or wool. I'm just willing my hair to look like Curlynikki's or some of the other lovely natural ladies i see on this site. But, there's a nagging feeling that I'm going to look in the mirror after the big chop and look like Buckwheat, and then proceed to choke my stylist. I can't deal. Sometimes I feel like I'm sacrificing the certainty and the beauty of my relaxed hair for the uncertainty of this new crop of hair that is growing out of my head. I have some curls that I absolutely adore but who knows, my hair could PUNK me or something.... ahhhh!! I know I can't be the only one... So ladies, anyone with Natural hair fears out there?

Honestly,
Simone

misssimone, what prompted you to go natural? is it a bad perming experience, unhealthy hair (yes, permed hair is unhealthy hair), reclaiming your true identity, were you pushed into going natural, etc? I think your reason going natural will help you cope with the transition and/or your BC.

am not trying to be insensitive, but what is wrong with our natural hair looking and feeling like cotton? my hair looks and feels like cotton or wool, and i don't see anything wrong with that.

you can't compare your hair to the next person because we are all different. no two afro heads are the same. yes, i look at other heads, but i do so for inspiration for new styles and to keep me focused on MY hair goal. actually, and maybe i am biased, but i would not want my hair to be anything different than what it is. my hair is dope, and can do anything everything and more than those with relaxed hair. God knew what He was doing when He created me with this hair. if He meant for you to have straight hair, you would have had it since you were born.

Hi Miss Simone,

I feel the same way...I have gotten relaxers since I was 5 so I dont know what my natural texure looks and feels like. I think is the fear of the unknown...we are accustomed to looking a certain way and having natural hair will be different (at least for me). I believe this transistion is good for me because it allows me to really love me and who I am inside and out. Also it helps that I focus on why I do not want to get relaxers anymore...I am tired of the chemical burns, the flat hair ( I am really liking big hair now) and just basically conforming to what everyone (at least in the african american community and in my family) thinks I am supposed to look like.

These are valid concerns/feelings and any transitioning sista (especially one like me who has had relaxers for 25 years) would be lying if they said they never felt this way during thier transition but just know you are beautiful and you are not your hair. I am slowly but surely learning this for myself.

Hi MissSimone,

You are definitely not alone. Just hang in there and really spend some time in self-reflection. And keep being honest about your fears and concerns about going natural. That way you can receive the encouragement, motivation and inspiration you need to stay on this journey. It's not an easy one for some us, and I think sometimes people who've been natural for a while or who had an easy time with going natural don't understand/realize that.

I'd suggest that you buddy up with someone who's recently done the BC to act as like a sponsor, to help you along your journey and try to keep you off the creamy crack. I did the BC 4 weeks ago and had some of your same fears/concerns, so I'd be happy to be your "sponsor" if you want one.

Great Suggestion traveljunkie08!!! I just BC'd in July. I can be your second sponsor

Well for me that's hard to answer. I did the BC in july and my natural hair stretched to my clavicle. I cut again 3 weeks ago into a layered bob and that's the style I want to grow out. I had enough hair to cut into the Eva Longoria layered bob...I hope this kinda answers your question

Miss Simone I know exactly how you feel! I remeber my hair before getting a relaxer and how everyone would ask, "are you mixed?" or "do you have indian in your blood?" Lol. Then I look in the mirror at what's coming in and I wonder what the heck am I thinking? I'm doing my best to not just relax my hair especially since all my friends and family are adamant relaxers. But at the end of it all I'm sure you'll love the results atleast that's what I tell myself! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

to traveljunkie08 and nmoultry: I would LOVEEEE if you ladies would be my "sponsors." I need the encouragement, hair ideas, etc. lol.

to natural_nance: Honestly, i basked in the compliments people gave me after I got a fresh perm because my hair was so thick. You couldn't tell me nothing. lol But I have to remind myself that I'm doing this for me and not for other people. I just got keep the faith. I'm sure you'll look beautiful once your done w/ your BC.

MissSimone,

I hear you. My hair was always nice, thick and long when I was relaxed. i knew my hair no other way. but what I did know was that I was going to transition for as long as I could to keep length and that I was going to love all the diversity my own hair would allow me. I did the bc at 18 months. It was a shock! I loved the texture but really didn't know what to do and so glad I found youtube and here. I love my hair more and more each day. Hang in there and any support you need just holla!

I transitioned for 7.5 months and when I big chopped I went into shock for a few days. I thought I made a mistake, I didnt think I could pull it off. My hair looked ROUGH when I got it chopped. After a few days I finally played with my hair and I love it now more than anything and Im so glad I made the decision to go natural.

I "honestly" see where you're coming from [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I have some of the same fears. I got my first relaxer in the 7th grade & still didn't really know what to do with my hair. By college I had figured it out, & from then on always got compliments on my hair. People would ask me if it was real, if I was "mixed" or say I had "good hair' (which is wrong in so many ways [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] ) but I always wondered, if I didn't have a relaxer would they think the same???

I just decided one day, I'm going to do this! And I'm looking forward to getting familiar with my "real" hair [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

@Blackbeauty: Love your avatar (did I say that already?) I felt the EXACT same way. My first post on this forum was a thread entitled "BC Remorse", because that's exactly how I was feeling.

I feel like I did a lot of research during my transition. But I don't recall a lot of information on what to expect after you BC (i.e. the dryness). In most of the stories I read, people seemed so happy after they BC'd. So when I wasn't jumping for joy, I thought maybe I'd made a mistake. So much of my identity was wrapped up in my hair, that I really felt lost without it. Add on top of that the fact that my hair was so incredibly dry and looked a mess, and you have a recipe for a relapse.

But this week has been a great week for me and my hair. I'm glad I went ahead and cut off the relaxed ends. I'm sure there will be days in the future that I get frustrated with it, but I guess that just comes with the territory.

loveself, Yes, my last relaxer was April 1st. My avatar pic is my hair as of a few wks ago. I'm still doing roller sets weekly. I think I have about 3 to 4 in. of new growth so far. It's really hard to tell when my hair is dry, but is very visible when it's wet. I should probably get a pic of my hair wet. That would also help me figure out my hair type which I'm still unsure about. I can definitely tell the texture is different. I have to do some major detangling now. I always thought my hair was thick, but now it's really thick.

The shortest my hair has ever been was a chin length bob over 10 yrs ago. I don't have the guts to bc & I also don't want to bc too soon & not know what to do w/my hair. My plan is to transition for a year & see how much new growth I have by then.

traveljunkie08 wrote:@Blackbeauty: Love your avatar (did I say that already?) I felt the EXACT same way. My first post on this forum was a thread entitled "BC Remorse", because that's exactly how I was feeling.

I feel like I did a lot of research during my transition. But I don't recall a lot of information on what to expect after you BC (i.e. the dryness). In most of the stories I read, people seemed so happy after they BC'd. So when I wasn't jumping for joy, I thought maybe I'd made a mistake. So much of my identity was wrapped up in my hair, that I really felt lost without it. Add on top of that the fact that my hair was so incredibly dry and looked a mess, and you have a recipe for a relapse.

But this week has been a great week for me and my hair. I'm glad I went ahead and cut off the relaxed ends. I'm sure there will be days in the future that I get frustrated with it, but I guess that just comes with the territory.

Thank you!! I agree 159%!! I did research the whole time I transitioned and when it was cut I was in a complete "OH NO!! what do i do" stage. I thought I was going to feel liberated and free like evryone expressed but really i felt like an unattractive boy but like I said playing with my hair & having fun with it, also just pumping confidence into my head whether real or not...really worked for me.

MissSimone wrote:to traveljunkie08 and nmoultry: I would LOVEEEE if you ladies would be my "sponsors." I need the encouragement, hair ideas, etc. lol.

to natural_nance: Honestly, i basked in the compliments people gave me after I got a fresh perm because my hair was so thick. You couldn't tell me nothing. lol But I have to remind myself that I'm doing this for me and not for other people. I just got keep the faith. I'm sure you'll look beautiful once your done w/ your BC.

Just let me know what you need or just hit me up if you need to talk. Try not to over think the situation and the most important thing is to have fun getting to know your hair. Try different styles
Also post a pic

I ALSO HAVE FEARS ABOUT THE GOING NATURAL, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT DOING IT, BUT UNLIKE SOME OF MY CURLY GURLYS MY HAIR ISN'T LONG. SO IM HOPEING THAT WITH THE NATURAL TRAS. I WILL GET SOME LENGTH. NOW MY FEAR COMES IN WHEN I THINK ABOUT DAMAGING MY NEW HAIR.

i greatest fear is that I'm a slow grower, and i don't want to be stuck in the TWA stage.

I've cut parts of my hair and it shrinks up to nothing [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

My biggest fear is my hair wont be what i expected to be. That i wont have as much versatility as i thought i would. meaning that either it wont come out right or i just wont know what to do. I'm already having a hard time trying to keep it from being dry without washing what if i don't find products that work for my hair. I'm not worried about the texture because i looked at baby pictures and i know what it will approximately look like.

I think it's natural to have fears. A lot of it is going into the unknown as previous posters have said. I know my biggest fear is not being able to style and take care of my natural hair as well as I did with my relaxed. I had finally mastered my permed-straight hair and now, I'll have to do it w/the hair God gave me

TravelJunkie gave great advice. I may be looking for a sponsor when my time comes!

Okay I am sooo happy I stumbled upon this topic... I did my BC this past Friday and went in on Saturday to get it shaped up. I was completely and honestly happy initially, but when I woke up after a nap I realized the reality that all of my hair was GONE and it would be months before it comes back...

In my honest opinion I felt and to a certain degree feel like my hair is a huge part of my personality, kind of like a security blanket... I cried most of the night on Saturday, because there were no wig shops open until Monday, I couldn't get a lace front wig overnighted to my place because mail doesn't run on Sunday... Seriously I felt bad.... I don't look like Buckwheat and my hair is still soft, but the length is what I was holding on to the most... I think my initial shock was because I was already 100% natural for over 1 year, but because I transitioned with bi-weekly press and curls, my hair was badly heat damaged on one side. So the decision was either wait on the left side to "come in" a little more and cut later or cut now and let it all grow in unison. So I decided the latter... Even though I am not 100% happy with my look, I know what I am aiming for as far as an end result and an achieved look, so that is what is keeping me from going to the best "creamy crack dealer" in Detroit. My husband thinks I am more beautiful today than I have ever been and my family thinks the style really fits me... So I have been getting positive remarks from my family and strangers, but as usual I am my hardest critic...

Going natural is not easy at all on so many levels, so you have to really evaluate why you are doing it... For me I decided to go natural because I want healthier hair, I couldn't deal with the chemical burns any longer, and someday I want to have children and I want to be a curly head example to them. So there are tons of other reason but I have an idea about what I want and the little time that I am with short hair is just a small sacrifice to pay to get to the bigger picture... Remain encouraged...

JCRN...

My avatar is actually my hair last Monday so 5 days before i cut... I did a twist and curl on it but it was annoying to maintain... But I do miss it...