Compliment or Sarcasm

A black co worker said to me the other day my hair was so 'ethnic' and when I looked a bit surprised she said it looks good on me and that she could never do it. She felt that relaxed hair looked better on her.

I replied that it was partly economics, ease and a bad perm (had to cut it all off). I realized that I liked my natural hair and have kept it like this. She than says 'Oh I thought it was 'political'.

I almost found it offensive that a fellow black woman would say my hair is 'ethnic' I haven't had one non black person say that. I normally get compliments from people about how it looks nice.

It's so frustrating that other black woman can't accept our natural hair. I know that to most people 'beauty' is closest to 'ideal' (white/straight hair) but really. We have a black president now. When will we believe that diversity is beauty??? Black, Asian, Latino, White, Middle Eastern, Greek, Jewish .. etc

LOL, one of my coworkers (older black female) looked at my ID (pic taken in 2002) and said the following: "Your hair looks so pretty...In the picture". This was followed by a sideways look at my new afro. I looked at the the ID and shrugged my shoulders. My hair was about or 16 inches at the time, and relaxed to within an inch of it's life. My snowy meetings started around then in other words when I touched my head it snowed!

She made me sooo mad. She asked "Didn't you like it?" and I was thinking BUT IT WAS RELAXED! I just said I guess so and rolled. I am still ticked.
I have had bad reactions from other blacks. You outta hear 'em go at home!

Haters! I love my hair. It's fun and feels like me (free, fun, individualistic). I believe if you can't say something nice you shouldn't say anything!

I remember explaining my hair problem to a cousin. Telling her how damaged it became and that I had to grow my hair out because it would not curl anymore from all the flat ironing.
She said with a straight face "why do you need it to curl?" She just could not understand the quest for healthy hair.

It is more ignorance than it is sarcasm in many cases.

ritajoy wrote: It is more ignorance than it is sarcasm in many cases.

You hit the nail on the nob!

I received this comment after returning from my lunch hour with flat ironed hair (I had my ends trimmed). As she's touching my hair she says, "let's keep her encouraged". I wasn't sure if she meant to keep me encouraged about the decision to go natural or to keep my hair flat ironed. Not to be defensive, I just told her that the straight hair was temporary and I was never returning to relaxed hair. I know this person (a black woman) isn't particularly fond of natural hair. The "keep me encourage" statement just threw me.

My lil bro says I look like Tego Calderon and Waka Flaka with my natural hair. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Recently, a co-worker said to me: "(ou have this exotic thing going on. I mean, you ARE black but you don't really LOOK it either. You just look DIFFERENT.".

My brain fails to compute this logic.

curlsunfurled wrote:I received this comment after returning from my lunch hour with flat ironed hair (I had my ends trimmed). As she's touching my hair she says, "let's keep her encouraged".

See, I wouldve felt some type of way about that whole "lets keep her encouraged"...why would someone say that to you?

I have received some ignorant comments but then I have to realize alot of our people have been programmed to think our natural hair is less than adequate therefore they speak the same way they think. If they would educate themselves and try and learn more about their natural state maybe just MAYBE we could dispell these myths of good vs bad hair and the other "ethnic" hater-iffic comments.

LadyMika wrote:Recently, a co-worker said to me: "(ou have this exotic thing going on. I mean, you ARE black but you don't really LOOK it either. You just look DIFFERENT.".

My brain fails to compute this logic.

What is black supposed to look like? I hate when folks do that. I always get the "Oh, that's interesting" remark when it comes to my hair. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

~JOME~ wrote:

LadyMika wrote:Recently, a co-worker said to me: "(ou have this exotic thing going on. I mean, you ARE black but you don't really LOOK it either. You just look DIFFERENT.".

My brain fails to compute this logic.

What is black supposed to look like? I hate when folks do that. I always get the "Oh, that's interesting" remark when it comes to my hair. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

LOL, "oh thats interesting"...that is theee worst...I dont think people actually think before they speak they just open their mouths and let whatever roll of their tongue!

wow, she actually said "ethnic"....sounds like someone forgot they are from the same "ethnic" part of the world...

if we were meant to have straight hair than our mother's would have also given birth to a complimentary tub of sodium (or potassium) hydroxide...am just saying

BrownSkinDiva wrote:

~JOME~ wrote:

LadyMika wrote:Recently, a co-worker said to me: "(ou have this exotic thing going on. I mean, you ARE black but you don't really LOOK it either. You just look DIFFERENT.".

My brain fails to compute this logic.

What is black supposed to look like? I hate when folks do that. I always get the "Oh, that's interesting" remark when it comes to my hair. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

LOL, "oh thats interesting"...that is theee worst...I dont think people actually think before they speak they just open their mouths and let whatever roll of their tongue!

No, this co-worker doesn't really think before she speaks. If I don't "look" black, WTF do I look like then: Elizabeth Taylor with the tan from hell? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Then again, this IS the same woman who quipped a couple of months ago that I was "pretty for a dark girl". Should I really be surprised? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

^^^ Thats a mess, please dont let those weak minded folks get you down!!

BrownSkinDiva wrote:^^^ Thats a mess, please dont let those weak minded folks get you down!!

Honestly, when she starts talking about hair and physical appearance, I tune her out. Until she learns to use the brain in her skull BEFORE opening her mouth, she'll sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to me.

Just this morning I was telling hubby about going to the Natural Hair celebration sponsored by naturallycurly.com and he made a comment that I "would have definitely drank the kool-aid"! Remember the whole Jim Jones cult thing? He was basically calling me a weak-minded follower...at least that's how I took it. I laughed it off at the time, but I'm getting sick of the negative comments. I have a passion for hair, and now that I'm natural I would like to meet other ladies who share that passion! What's so bad about that?!?!

dajewel wrote:wow, she actually said "ethnic"....sounds like someone forgot they are from the same "ethnic" part of the world...

if we were meant to have straight hair than our mother's would have also given birth to a complimentary tub of sodium (or potassium) hydroxide...am just saying

lol! Amen!

LadyMika wrote:

BrownSkinDiva wrote:^^^ Thats a mess, please dont let those weak minded folks get you down!!

Honestly, when she starts talking about hair and physical appearance, I tune her out. Until she learns to use the brain in her skull BEFORE opening her mouth, she'll sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to me.

waaaa waaa wa wa. Waaaaaa waaaa wa waaa. Lmao.

I used to work in customer service and a white female customer that was in the store kept staring at my hair. I just avoided eye contact with her. Eventually she asked me if my hair was naturally like that. I told her yes. She then asked me what did i do to get it like that. I told her i just washed it. She said oh, you're hair's pretty curly, you're lucky. At first I tried to be optimistic about the comment but ultimately I saw it as her saying I should be lucky my hair's curly because otherwise it would be a disaster. Smh.

Some people are just twisted in the head. Its not connecting yet.I have a friend who said the same "oh that's interesting". I told her people these days have this negative connotation about hair and that it should be limp, frail, and no volume. I know I shut her up because she didn't have anything to say. I'm doing me for me. Love me or hate me, you're still going to respect me. No room for negativity in my life lol haha

BrownSkinDiva wrote:

curlsunfurled wrote:I received this comment after returning from my lunch hour with flat ironed hair (I had my ends trimmed). As she's touching my hair she says, "let's keep her encouraged".

See, I wouldve felt some type of way about that whole "lets keep her encouraged"...why would someone say that to you?

I have received some ignorant comments but then I have to realize alot of our people have been programmed to think our natural hair is less than adequate therefore they speak the same way they think. If they would educate themselves and try and learn more about their natural state maybe just MAYBE we could dispell these myths of good vs bad hair and the other "ethnic" hater-iffic comments.

This happened around October 2009 and I'm not really sure why she made the comment. It's not like I had a bird's nest on top of my head earlier that day (or any day before that). I'm not the only natural in the office either. It is 1) ignorance/lack of knowledge about natural hair and 2) the perception that curly/kinky/coily hair represents the opposite of whatever straight hair is. If you dwell on these comments too long, you'll miss out on something REALLY important. I figure everyday I walk into my office with my curly kinky hair I'm proving them WRONG [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .

Last year when I started to wear a twist and curl, another woman said "oh, you're growing your hair natural. Why don't you try the caramel perm? It's all natural. Your gray will look really pretty straightened..." The Carmelux line is local (Philly) and it makes your hair look like it's been relaxed with thermal straightening - it is not a perm in any way - but I really wasn't looking for an alternative straightening treatment. Yes, I like straight hair. I like me with straight hair but I love curls! Why is it the first thing people suggest is straightening?

LadyMika wrote:

Elizabeth Taylor with the tan

ROFL...I'm done for the night! This is too much! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

LaToya28 wrote:Just this morning I was telling hubby about going to the Natural Hair celebration sponsored by naturallycurly.com and he made a comment that I "would have definitely drank the kool-aid"! Remember the whole Jim Jones cult thing? He was basically calling me a weak-minded follower...at least that's how I took it. I laughed it off at the time, but I'm getting sick of the negative comments. I have a passion for hair, and now that I'm natural I would like to meet other ladies who share that passion! What's so bad about that?!?!

@LaToya28-You should check out IntelligentBeauty's Butters-n-Bars thread. She, Mahagony Curls, and some of the other ladies were talking about their SO's reactions to and comments about their natural hair. You're doing something different and new. sometimes the last ones to come around are our loved ones. Good luck and stay encouraged! HTH.

http://www.curlynikki.forumotion.com/butters-n-bars-miss-naturally-beautiful-you-2010-challenge-f14/intelligentbeauty-t2934.htm

Thanks DvaAuNaturel! I will check that out.

snappynappy wrote:My lil bro says I look like Tego Calderon and Waka Flaka with my natural hair. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

lil brothers are jerks. born to be thorns in our side. LOL
mine asked me was i "all pro black" now?

btw...i think tego calderon is sexy in his own way.