Friends with Relaxers

Yes, I can relate. I have a friend that kept saying during my transition and even now "So you mean you aren't ever going to get a perm again? Never?" This same friend has never really been encouraging. I say get some new friends, natural friends that are supportive.

I feel like this natural hair thing is a revolution and one day those same friends are going to be trying to go natural as well..years down the road when they see how much healthier, stronger, and longer our hair is compared to theirs..

I had my hair flat ironed recently and whenever I would see a natural haired sister in public, I would be so jealous. I love natural hair and always have, even when I wore a relaxer religiously, Whenever I would see a natural haired lady I secretly wished I could do my hair that way.

I can relate in that I've had "friends" with relaxed hair scream "WHY WHY WHY" post BC (literarlly like, the next day). But for the most part, most of my friends--who are all relaxed--love my hair. I must've lucked out. But I agree with Veela. If these friends of yours are being blatantly ignorant about your hair, find new ones. Why not hit up the Big/little sister board on here? I'm sure there's someone in your area you can meet up with. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I just started going to the big sis/lil sis board....thanks for the advice ladies

Honestly, I think its because theyre ignorant. It kind of hurts my feelings when these comments are made, but I realize its because of how they dont know any better. Its sad when youve been programmed so long to think a relaxer is whats best and the norm for us as a people, but you speak ill of others with naturals.....Going natural surely does open your eyes to certain things...

I still deal with this now....you have to set folks straight. It may seem mean by just because you want healthier hair doesn't mean that folks are given free passes to be rude and make hurtful comments. I noticed time and time again that those "friends" are the same ones that wish they had the guts to do what you did. I used to think this quote was dumb but now I get it: "Let your haters be your motivators!"

Don't get discouraged by your friends' ignorance. As my mom told me, "Don't let anyone steal your joy." As tiashauntee suggested just set them straight and let them know although you're friends you will not tolerate their lack of consideration. They wouldn't like it if you teased them about trying to convince the world their hair is naturally straight when everyone knows it's not. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Stay confident and if you need new friends we're all here for you. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

aww thanks my curly girlies

Explain to them that all their little sideline comments, although funny for them, are hurtful to you and, without their knowledge, displaying the deep ingrained thoughts women of African descent tend to have of their hair. This may be difficult for them to break away from but tell them why you've decided to go back to natural and how it has positively influenced your life/hair/self esteem/appearance/etc. Don't be afraid to get into the little rants and raves you have about your hair. We always have hair problems and you might want to vent to your friends.

If, after some time, the derogatory comments are still flowing...allow yourself some space to create a positive environment.

splitsun wrote:...displaying the deep ingrained thoughts women of African descent tend to have of their hair....

I believe that right will shut it down!!!
Preach girl!

can we get the definition of friend?? Because uhm anyone that has earned the title of friend wouldn't say those things to me.

sweetdrk1 wrote:can we get the definition of friend?? Because uhm anyone that has earned the title of friend wouldn't say those things to me.

I gotta cosign on this one... AMEN!

sweetdrk1 wrote:can we get the definition of friend?? Because uhm anyone that has earned the title of friend wouldn't say those things to me.

serious!!

sweetdrk1 wrote:can we get the definition of friend?? Because uhm anyone that has earned the title of friend wouldn't say those things to me.

You hit the nail on the head.

Actually, I found that many of my relaxed friends actually like my hair while it's transitioning. However, I get the most flack from my mother and sister who are both hair stylists. Although, they support my decision to go natural, I don't think they expected me to go straight into braid-outs and twist-outs. My sister has been growing out her relaxer for two years, but I think it is permanently straight from all the hot combing and flat ironing so she actually think this is how her hair looks natural so my mom and my sister expects me to flat iron my hair too which I don't plan on doing anytime soon.

All of my friends and family have been very supportive about me transitioning but I did have one exception to the rule. She made a one negative comment about my texture and I immediately checked her. I think you have to let people know right out the gate if they say something to offend you or they will keep doing it.

BotanyGrl wrote:All of my friends and family have been very supportive about me transitioning but I did have one exception to the rule. She made a one negative comment about my texture and I immediately checked her. I think you have to let people know right out the gate if they say something to offend you or they will keep doing it.

How long have you been transitioning? It's been 4 months for me.

Just keep quiet and let your hair do the talking

I recently did the BC and all of my friend have relaxers but they are in MD and I am in NY. Thank goodness I had my cousin whose always been natural and now has locs to do my BC and just be so supportive. Even so, I feel like she does not really understand what I am going through with my new head. She feels like its so easy but its not. *rant

Anyways, I told my friends I cut off all my hair and it was mostly gasps. They have yet to see it but always beg me to twitpic When I do, I expect a little weird reaction. I get the *side eye when I talk about cowashing and such..

Like they said, let the haters be your motivators. When their hair is thinned and falling out to the scalp, they will be asking you for hair tips. It's funny how deep I look at relaxed hair now. Most often times it looks so dry and damaged. It's only a matter of time before it's destroyed. I could care less about what others think. I know my hair will be fierce. My crown and glory is the ISH!!!

I didnt have many issues while I was transitioning, most people were supportive and thought it was cute that I was trying different things, but most of the comments came after my BC. I think theres something about actually cutting the relaxer off and being 100% natural that makes some very opinionated people feel they gotta say some ignorant stuff. I will let them know that their comments hurt, but I also feel like this is deeper than that...My mom has really wavy silky hair, and folks look at my moms hair thinking its "good hair" and wonder why my hair isnt like hers.....I just find this so superficial and odd to come mostly from black people, because sometimes we are our own worst critics and it sucks that I have to explain some of the most simple things. Just because my mom has wavy hair doesnt mean I will have hair like that....(im sorry yall I really needed to vent, i apperciate everyone for advice and for listening

I can't really think of any rude comments made by any of my female friends post bc, they all liked it it. My male friends on the other hand were a different story. They would say things like you look like a lesbian or you look like you just got out of jail! I also got into a text message fight with a male friend who relaxes his hair (dont judge him, he's still my friend lol) and he was trying to tell me how relaxed hair is better than natural hair because you can go swimming and dont have to run from the rain? I'M like NO DUMMMY THATS NATURAL HAIR!!

SO any wayzzzz I dont give a you know what these days because I love my hair and I feel that its looks better than any "wrap" or flat ironed hair out there ya dig !!!

IF IT COMES nATURAL wrote:I can't really think of any rude comments made by any of my female friends post bc, they all liked it it. My male friends on the other hand were a different story. They would say things like you look like a lesbian or you look like you just got out of jail! I also got into a text message fight with a male friend who relaxes his hair (dont judge him, he's still my friend lol) and he was trying to tell me how relaxed hair is better than natural hair because you can go swimming and dont have to run from the rain? I'M like NO DUMMMY THATS NATURAL HAIR!!

SO any wayzzzz I dont give a you know what these days because I love my hair and I feel that its looks better than any "wrap" or flat ironed hair out there ya dig !!!

You should challenge your friend to a "Stand In The Rain" contest. First person who runs LOSES. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

@Ladymika, Lol! Too funny!!

OMG!!!! IM SOOOOO DOWN FOR THIS ONE!!