The Unpopular Opinion

The unpopular opinion:

Please do what makes you happy and what works for you. If you want to blow dry and flat iron, color, weave it, wig it, or goodness forbid relax it...go for it! If you want to use products with cones, gel, or shampoo...go for it! If you want to brush your hair...go for it!
There are no rules. Do what looks great on you. Every stlye (even if it is natural and grew out of your head) is not for everyone. Just like that dress is not for everyone. Just like she can pull of the mixed pattern look (plaid pant with floral shirt) and I would look like I was having a psychotic episode if I tried it. Just like she can shop at the thrift store and look like she just walked out of a magazine and I would look like I just walked out of...the thrift shop. Please be true to how you feel instead of everyone else telling you how they think you feel based on a hair style (oh, she must hate herself because her hair is straight; she must be pro-black because she is rocking a twa)

There are no wrong answers...There are no rules! Relax...

I agree with everything you said after all it's our hair and our bodies so we shouldn't let others dictate how we should look or dress and so on but i have to disagree with 1 part of this as i'm sure others may as well What do you mean by having natural hair that's grown out of your head and the way God intended us to be may not look right on some ? God doesn't make mistakes so i think EVERYONE looks great with the way their hair grow out and if they choose to alter it in any way it's okay too after all it's their life and choice but i guess you are right since beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Just because God made it does not mean you have to favor it. That is why there are options and diversity...don't mean to be extreme but God made roaches and flies...do you love them???

Im not talking about Loving your natural hair the way it is it would be obvious if you decide to alter your hair that you may not love or prefer that particular look what im saying i disagree with is you said "not everyone looks good with the natural hair growing out of their head" that in my opinion isn't true i have yet to meet someone with the hair God intended them to have that the hair didn't suit them but of course that's my opinion as far as roaches and flies i don't love them but they have their purpose they serve for food for other insects lol

I do agree with you creolebeauty, but I think we deny our true feelings sometimes just to say the right thing or to be PC...

I have a friend who hair grows out straight. It is also thin...I think her hair looks great with texture and curls...It makes it fuller...and that is the look she is going for...The hair that grows out of her head just doesn't look good on her...the fuller textured style does...she shares my opinion on her hair...but it is apparently a sin for her to feel that way...she is perceived as hating herself (according to the bloggers) because she does not prefer her natural texture...

That's true some people go overboard to even be rude to tell someone you must hate your self if you dislike something about your hair body etc i think all women would be self hating than because we are all insecure about at least 1 thing about our selves but i do also think that sometimes when you are a black person you have to put this wall and be strong because so many , society as a whole daily tell us we are at the bottom of in hair , beauty etc that we have to be strong and confident that we sometimes misunderstand a simple dislike to self hating

Yes!!! I totally agree...I do think that we created this villian though. Most white people have said they did not even know about black hair, but white people are blamed for black people feeling insecure about their hair. Most black people got relaxers because of habit...nothing more...but with change comes excuses and a need to rationalize. Somethings just are...Some black people hate their hair and it has nothing to do with white people's opinion...

I wouldn't say it 's white people opinions but a little girl preferring a blonde barbie doll over a white one has to do with the media and the standard of beauty in our society ... that is something that must change than BLack little girls can grow up into black women that don't feel insecure about their hair , their big lips and their etc ... i for one was never insecure , i just didn't have the knowledge of taking care of my hair properly and didn't think i had much options as i get further in my journey i find that to be false ,

Im glad both yall express your opinons without getting rude and upset.. i see that sooo often on blogs lol but good job nice debate

and i agree women should create their own definition of beauty and do what they want to do with their hair, body, make-up whatever..if you think natural hair is beautiful be natural..if you think relaxed hair is beautiful be relaxed..if you think BALD hair is beautiful then be bald we shouldn't have to conform to society's beauty..

and i too believe its the media fault for creating a standard in beauty... so may rappers talk about "red bone" and "yellow bones"..have light skin girls in their videos and rarely represent a nice chocolate skin women..my sister growing up was very insecure about her skin color growing up because of this...but now she is older and understand chocolate is just as beautiful!!

Rayray, I agree with you completely. Like your sister I struggled with my complexion as well. My parents, nor my younger sister were as dark as me, and I felt like a black sheep, and it really didn't help that I did not often see someone my complexion in the media. I am not over it completely, but I am getting more comfortable in my own skin.

Going natural also helped me, because it allowed me to see me as me, and know that I am different than others, but that is okay. Beautiful is beautiful, and I don't think there should be any standard of it, and I wish the media would reflect that.

Rayray19, you touched on a subject me and my best friend talk about often:

If I were to say "I love my dark chocolate sisters" no one says anything, but if I say "I love a red bone" somehow that means I hate the dark sister. Why can't people like what they like without having to make everyone feel comfortable. If I say I have good hair and I am a 4b, that thought is encouraged...but, if a 3abc says they have good hair, somehow they are demonstrating hate towards other hair types or practicing discrimination...and there is uproar...just because one option is chosen does not necessarly exclude other options.

Creolobeauty:
If the little girl wants the blond doll, maybe...just maybe...it is not due to some psychological hatred. I watched this special the other day on CNN called Black or White. It was that doll experiment done over again and I think that is not an accurate test to prove anything (I hate these specials)...just the question alone is troubling...so the white kids picked the white doll and somehow they are racist and the black kids who chose the white doll hates themselves...but if the black kid picked the black doll then he has positive self image...and if the white kid picked the black doll...then somehow he has a great view on life...I just don't get it...the game is rigged...it is a problem that is set up to never be solved...the wrong questions are being asked and the tests to assess the situation is flawed...
Have you ever had anyone tell you that you were unhappy when you thought you were perfectly content...then you start to entertain the thought that maybe they were right and you just might be miserable. Ah...the power of suggestion...I did not know I was miserable until you told me...(hope that made sense)...

@ indigo blue i get what you are saying but honestly i think some people Black and white lack self esteem for numerous reasons and i doubt it's because someone presented them with the idea , i think it's an issue if growing up you don't see anyone that resemble you being called beautiful or in the spot light , i mean you can call your self good looking all you want but if no one else can reassure you of it than you begin to doubt yourself and takes an exceptionally confident woman to go through life never being reassured yet keeping her head up ,
I get what you mean but i think you are not gasping the concept , i have a huge family of all shades and hair types but no one is ever told they are beautiful over the other each person is praised equally for their beauties that's what i wish the media exude i want the little white girl that's pale skinny with thin hair and flat chest to feel as beautiful as the little dark skin girl with the big lips eyes and kinky hair , those are polar opposites but can each be beautiful just beacause a man says he wants a red bone doesn't mean he is saying dark skin women are not attractive but if all we see on television is light skin women than youg dark skin girls are going to grow up wondering why they were never complimented as pretty than the weak ones will start bleaching their skin
SKIN COLOR
WOW another issue but i must say this ... i just must isn't it ironic that we are suppose to be Africans either of descents or straight up , yet our society praises the people that look furtherest from our ancestors as if being Dark , big lipped , kinky hair was a cursed if we weren't brain washed don't you think we would be more inclined to celebrate the people that look closest to the original black people with all the black features ? i hate to sound condescending and pro black but that has been something i wondered for years people bleach their skin , weave their hair and relax it to look closer to white to say they don't it's complete denial , we have been conforming for so long that maybe we forgot how the conforming started but back in the day light skin slaves use to relax and stay away from the sun so they could pass as white , this days in 2010 we are still doing the same we just call it different and it's very sad
@ Rayray thanks
I hate when people have different opinion and instead of respectfully discuss it start arguing and calling each other names smh im a firm believer that we are al entitled to our opinions and views that's what makes us individuals , and we should all be able to exchange them , discuss , and remain calm and civil that's what makes us civilized .

I agree with several points but I think it boils down to having something to relate to. Its a need to not be alienated. As older women we realize that its called SELF confidence not what others give you or say about you. We are old enough to find ways to cope and look into ourselves and love ourselves. That takes maturity and time. Now for the sake of children, look at the comments above. Women who were younger feeling uncomfortable because in society's view of beauty is different than who they are. A 5 year old isn't going to get that and it can cause issues if constantly you are bombarded with people telling you at a young age this is beautiful and it looks nothing like you. Hey what you want to do is your business but to some degree this is a flaw as well. There are so many ways to change or enhance something, that if you just look in the darn mirror and just say "Damn I'm pretty! Hips, lips, thighs and all." Whether you think you are too white or too black the beauty are the different flavors. And to go even further than that Im going to have to borrow a India Arie quote and does any of that change the soul and essence of who you are? Like I said before it takes time to see that. I don't know about you but I like options lol. The funny thing sometimes what you think is not attractive on you their is another girl that sees you and WISH they have what you might not desire. The pendulum can swing to either extreme I think the name of the game is moderation and self acceptance. But at the end of day as long as you aren't physically, mentally, or emotionally harming yourself we gotta keep doing ourselves.

Beautifully said creolebeauty...I could not agree with you more. I am just trying to promote balance...you also touched on a great point that I try to express all the time...it does not matter what you feel sometimes...people need to be confirmed. I can think I am a wonderful person, but that is not enough. So in spite of what people say...other people's opinions do count.

I also don't think the issue of self image comes from one place. When in Greece, do as the Greek do. If I were to take karate or pilates...no one accuses me of wanting to be Asian...in fact, I would be accused of trying to be white...if I do anything that resembles white people, I am accused of having self image issues. Even though weave is Indian hair, I am still trying to be white...I just wish this silliness would end. If a kid wants a skateboard, I am sure that white people are the last thing on his mind..if I listen to coldplay, it is because I like the music, not because I have a secret desire to be white...It is nothing more than human nature...If I were to move to Ethopia, I promise you, I would pick up and embrace some of their habits. (Like what tpayne22 said...it is a need not to be alienated)

I understand what you coming from and that's true everybody has their own preference..but i was referring it more to the media..like you hardly hear the media say "I love dark skin girls" (there are a few songs about brown skin..for example India Arie "brown skin" i love that song!!) but there's only a few!! probably can count them on one hand..if music and TV were to show dark skin and light skin girls or use in their lyrics that they love dark and light skin girls (instead of just red and yellow bones) then young girls of all colors will feel represented equally and have images in the media to look up too...

SO true no one wants to feel alone , against the world i think over all feel the same way but express it differently as far as how people would perceive a black girl that let's just say bleached her skin got plastic surgery and wore weaves , we would call her beautiful almost every if not all celebrities black and white have a plastic organ but we would most likely say the black girl is changing herself to be closer to white witch would be true , but another part we don't talk about is those same people claiming on us 'negro" features aren't attractive yet they run to the surgeon to get , thicker lips , bigger breast , bigger bottoms and so on see society is all twisted up A white woman with" negro features is attractive , and a black woman with" white features" is attractive lol as we get older we realize how silly that's sound but little girls that never got reassured of their beauties fall victim to self hatred to please society , follow trends and what the media claim to be Beauty !... Its all a shame if you ask me

creolebeauty1 wrote:SO true no one wants to feel alone , against the world i think over all feel the same way but express it differently as far as how people would perceive a black girl that let's just say bleached her skin got plastic surgery and wore weaves , we would call her beautiful almost every if not all celebrities black and white have a plastic organ but we would most likely say the black girl is changing herself to be closer to white witch would be true , but another part we don't talk about is those same people claiming on us 'negro" features aren't attractive yet they run to the surgeon to get , thicker lips , bigger breast , bigger bottoms and so on see society is all twisted up A white woman with" negro features is attractive , and a black woman with" white features" is attractive lol as we get older we realize how silly that's sound but little girls that never got reassured of their beauties fall victim to self hatred to please society , follow trends and what the media claim to be Beauty !... Its all a shame if you ask me

lol wow that is soo true society is messed up lol white girls trying to get black features and black girls trying to get white features..dang I wish this post came around when i was look for topics for my research paper because i was really searching for something interesting

Lol... creolebeauty...the game is rigged! You can not win...the rules are so subjective. That is a great point I am going to use in the future...black features on white are celebrated and white features on black are celebrated...lmao...

Rayray...I do agree but whenever there is a darker skinned person on tv... (some) black people get upset and complain about why the media pick the "ugly black people"...ex:Tay Diggs had this sitcom a few years back...it only lasted for a few episodes, but there was a darker skin baby...black people complained about the baby being ugly...a few episodes later, the baby was switched for a lighter baby...

There are plenty of songs and men who LOVES dark skin...I just think we concentrate more on those that don't than those that do...we talk about the few black men (I think it was 10%) who marry white woman than the ones who don't...white men loves Asian women. I think the stat I read was more than 90% been with an Asian woman. More white men marry Asian woman than black men marry white woman...but somehow, white woman are not said to be defective because their men are dating outside of their race.
The game is rigged...NeYo and Musiq kept a beautiful brown girl in their videos (never really watched videos so I can't give many examples)...but honestly, I don't think any of that matters...

Some of these negative sterotypes are self generated and not based on any fact. White people have a variety of images and they still have issues...they get plastic surgery, tan, wear weaves, ...

I agree 100% INDIGO BLUE WELL SAID

Hi ladies..Like Ray said it is refreshing to see a respectful debate happen. Love it and I want to commend you ladies. Now having said that. I was taught by my jamaican born and raised parents that black was beautiful. They taught me that everything I am being a black woman, is beautiful. My mother was very specifically giving me what she was taught by her mother. She also taught me to combat what she witnessed happening in NY in the late 60's into the 70's. So I agree that there should be positive reinforcement because what God made, you naturally, makes you beautiful, and because you also need to strike the balance of society's obvious forementioned flaws..

My parents also by rearing me to love my self, directly and indirectly taught me to love and respect others. If I dislike or hate another, for whatever reason, it is because I have not fully accepted myself. I teach my children the same thing. Love the differences we have, love the person that looks nothing like you, because they are just as special as you are.

When I was 5 a little girl around the same age, said "look mom a little nigger" (in NYC in '77) and I remember looking at her feeling sadness for her, because she was not taught to love herself enough, so that she could love others.
I responded, I'm sorry for you little girl, but black is beautiful.

Self image and self appreciation is seen by the way we accept our fellow men. Natural or not.
Blessings Beauties

I can't help but say that White people with self image issues are usually generated towards The "standard of beauty" as well and i don't think for 1 second the average white person is responsible for not enough black beauties in the media i blame the media , hollywood lol ... just wanted to clarify that lol @Jeanlouisangel That's horrible i'm glad i never confronted racism at such a young age because i would probably be locked up right now lol i was a little fire ball when i was young ...

Lol @ Creolebeauty...I know right??? I should have said "Ca bland dit?" lolol

@jeanlouis i knew it lmao hahah hey my sisiter "se pa sa selman pou te di li ? " lmao

Thanks Kim

Jeanlouisangel: those are beautiful lessons to teach. I always stress character building...if a person has character, there will be no need to even address physical differences...

creolebeauty: I was reading CurlyNikki's new post on that Keratin treatment...I think it is so interesting how woman are now putting chemicals in their hair so they can "be black"...that goes to prove that relaxers had nothing to do with trying to be white...it goes back to what tpayne22 said, "it is a need to not be alienated"...thanks for the discussion...I totally enjoyed it!!!

Thanks Indigo, very nice to have discussions with such obviously astute people..makes me seem smarter..lol

@Creole, lol...I am married to a haitian cutie, like I mentioned earlier I am from jamaican parents...but my father in law says that I am haitian inside..lol..i feel it too..hehe..I know that is not all i should have said or done..love your avi, was so nice talking..