Vent - Selfish People

Rewind back 3 months ago...I posted on Facebook that I was getting a big chop in a few days. "A friend" called me to tell me to hold off on getting my hair cut because I didn't want to look like a man. Of course, I didn't listen to that person. I got my hair cut and have been LOVIN' IT!

So, I posted pictures on Facebook. This person didn't say anything about it. OK. That's cool. I was slightly offended becuase I am very close to this person. But whatever. It's all good.

Then this person started "transitioning" and bombarding me with all of her hair questions, issues, insecurities and everything. I would listen and offer inspirational/uplifting words of encouragement and keep it moving. Then I realized that this person was selfish and only about herself. That's cool, but don't waste my time on your issues. I have my own stuff to worry with. I could be reading a book or trying a new "_______ out" hair procedure or polishing my toes.

Therefore I decided to keep all of my information to myself. I mean boards, styling products and techniques, products, product reviews, blogs...EVERYTHING. If she needed it, then she would have to find it for herself. No help from me whatsoever.

So, a couple of weeks ago, this person came to visit. Again, she didn't say anything about my hair, but felt the need to PULL UP A CHAIR and watch me with my routine. Asking me all of these questions like, "Why aren't you using Miss Jessie's? Why are you using the gel? Are you going to add moisturizing cream?" Only to be answered with "Don't like it. Because that is what my hair guy used on me. No."

Then she went absolutely bat-isht because a fella came over to me and was like, "Your hair is fly! I love it on you." Then my cousins were all over me and jocking me for hair details.

Well, lo and behold, this person ended up doing a big chop. A boyish big chop *snickers*. And she has been nothing but complaints, negative self-talk and insecurities . Text messages and phone calls...All that have been ignored.

Give me strength to remain graceful when dealing with her. She is two seconds from hearing, "Well, maybe natural hair isn't for you. Maybe you should get a relaxer!"

woooooooo breathe!!! It sounds like she did it for all the wrong reasons. This journey is a personal one..in my opinion it has to be about YOU and not one other person. It can't be about what someone else likes or not, because people's likes and/or dislikes change with the wind. Can your heart stand it? Of if you are like me can you afford to make more enemies...ok? Don't come for me if you don't want ME! I think the part that is sad is that you said you care for this person. Do you care enough to have a big girl talk? Don't shut down, tell her you have no room for the negativity! NONE! If she has nothing NICE to say then uhhhh sheddup!

Now you my dear go on and rock that TWA you wear it well!

Take a deep breathe, smile and say to her and yourself: "The Queen does not comment" and keep it moving.

sweetdrk1 wrote:woooooooo breathe!!! It sounds like she did it for all the wrong reasons. This journey is a personal one..in my opinion it has to be about YOU and not one other person. It can't be about what someone else likes or not, because people's likes and/or dislikes change with the wind. Can your heart stand it? Of if you are like me can you afford to make more enemies...ok? Don't come for me if you don't want ME! I think the part that is sad is that you said you care for this person. Do you care enough to have a big girl talk? Don't shut down, tell her you have no room for the negativity! NONE! If she has nothing NICE to say then uhhhh sheddup!

Now you my dear go on and rock that TWA you wear it well!

what she said!!! LOL

A friend" called me to tell me to hold off on getting my hair cut because I didn't want to look like a man

She is so not fitting my definition of friend, more like a rude acquantance lacking a filter for her opinions. I picked up lots of advantages to having you as a friend, but could not imagine keeping someone like her in my inner circle.
You have to set boundaries if you are going to continue to have a relationship with her.

Wow! I don't know what to say about this! That's some friend you got there; my bff actually did my bc for me and she's been positive and encouraging till this very day! Friends are suppose to be honest with one another but there's a way to say things to a friend if you want to keep said friend; and also a friend shouldn't be so selfish to want to only receive compliments and feedback and not give them....

she's got to go. dead weight......

chynadoll8799 wrote:she's got to go. dead weight......

gotta co-sign on this one! Happy, positive, motivated people are the ones that keep a spot in my life.

Thanks guys! I gotta wind down on talking so much with her. I will also have to change the subject when it comes to hair...

Yeahhhh sounds like some negative energy that needs to go. She should have done what she wanted instead of copying you trying to get attention like that guy was giving you, cuz that's what it seems like! You start messing up when you follow in someone else's footsteps. Not everyone's life path is for you too.

It sounds like she is looking for attention !!!!!1

Hmmmm not only does this person sounds like she's selfish but also a bit jealous of you. She makes you feel bad for cutting your hair then runs and do the same thing? It kills her to pay you a compliment but she wants you to give her some advice on how she should maintain her own? Yeah she jealous of you miss thang and in need for constant attention. 100% NO QUESTION about that.

Who needs friends like that?
I used to have friends like that, not necessarily relating to hair, who were always looking for drama. And the final straw came when someone who I used to consider a close friend said, in so many words "I would make more time for you, but my other friends come first".
Surround yourself with positive people, and spare no time for the negative - life is too short.