ignorant black men

My bsl relaxed hair had always been my signature from the time I was eleven years old. No one ever thought that I would cut my hair off. Well dec 20009 I had decided to bc and go completely natural. three days ago I was at a bar with my girlfriends and I had run into an old college friend. I gave him a hug ask him how he had been doin and started to keep it pushin but before I could fully walk away this idiot says " hey wassup with that" while motioning at my short curly hair and then says " ur not gonna go lesbian next r u?" I was livid! But I kept my composure rolled my eyes said no and continued to walk away. Needless to say he knew not to say a word to me for the rest of the night. I'm glad I have a beautiful black man who doesn't want to see my hair anyother way but curly. When I straighten it out he hates it lol. Anybody else run into ignorance????

My husband is kind of iffy on natural hair and I've been at it awhile. I was in my Aaliyah mode when we met (with the swoop and the cascading lengths). We were only dating and had had our first child when I cut it off and started wearing a twa and coils. He hated it! A few times I thought we'd break up. I helped to ruin a head of hair with heat trying to keep it straightened out for him a few years back. And because it was natural and I wasn't sure how to do it right, I used a LOT of heat and it just wasn't good.

I think the issue for me and him was that it was so easy when relaxed to wear it long and have "approval." I didn't even have to curl it if I didn't want to. It was straight so I had a pass, so to speak. Just let it loose. Natural hair takes its time to show any kind of length (and most black men are really stuck on their women not being "baldheaded" as the men in my family like to say). And if you let natural hair loose, well, not everyone is behind you on that one. So I still get the stinky eye from him when I wear my fro. It has been so long though, I really don't care. Most times he's not too excited about it because I'm always doing protective styles. Just bunning is kind of ho hum. Twists are too close to braids for him (and he doesn't care for them much). I do them anyway so....If I do a defined twist out, he's cool with that. But, over the years, there have been times when I can tell he is really feeling what it looks like even though he won't say it. When I do a nice polished natural style or I've gotten it done at the salon-the look is all over his face. I can tell when I do it he just loves the way I look! For him, if it's going to be natural, he just really likes the style to sing. Too bad I can't do that all the time and keep hair on my head, lol! But I can pull it together when it counts! Black men are really funny sometimes. Whatever the case though, I'm a nappy for life.

While some black men are ignorant when it comes to women with beautiful natural hair, there are still tons of men who love it! Since going fully natural I do encounter some stupid comments from men about my hair but I know in the back of my mind that they just cant handle me and other ladies with natural hair..our fierceness is just too much to handle..hehe!

I find it funny sometimes when people (both men and women) ask me strange questions about my hair or make smart ass comments..when there are the one's with hair that is either jacked up or just f-ugly lol!!...does anyone else notice that?

I think men in general are just plain stupid and ignorant
I remember when I did my BC it was so short that I didn't even have curls. I cut it with clippers and was that close to a fade in the back. It was just around the time I was moving from Florida to New York and the day before my move I met with a bunch of friends for a farewell party and one of them who lives in NY state but appeared to be in florida that day told me when he saw me: My god! you better let this hair grow otherwise you are gonna get really cold up there. Really that's all you have to say!! Fortunately for him, the next time we met (we were in NY) he complimented me and told me how pretty my hair was all coiled and curly.
I didn't remind him what he said the previous time but really i thought it was pretty dumb to say something like that

This makes me really sad. Sad because 1) it's rather superficial IMO, 2) because there are Black people (men) who can't understand or appreciate our hair the way God made it, 3) for the fact that these men have been conditioned to believe that a European (white/straight hair) standard of beauty is better and 4) for being disrespectful at times to Black women who chose to wear their hair naturally.

Very sad. Good grief it's just hair. What will the reaction be if you get sick and couldn't relax your hair for health reasons.

The funny (but not really) thing to me is how some black men are so negative about "nappy" hair, as if they don't have it too [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .

I've had men at my work place make comments that were stupid as they are. One guy asked me when was I gonna twist my hair again( I was wearing a curly fro at the time) and another after about two months walks up to me and says, "hey I do like the twist in your hair." Like I was really waiting on his approval. The one man that had no problem with me going natural was my dad. After I told him, his first comment was, "you found out what a nice head of hair you have didn't you?" All I could do was smile. My son (who's soon to be 13) loves all the curls. Especially after I untwist my hair. So those two are happy and that makes me happy. Although if they didn't like it, so what!!l LOL

whereswentz! wrote:The funny (but not really) thing to me is how some black men are so negative about "nappy" hair, as if they don't have it too [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .

Exactly!

Maybe they're negativity shows an unspoken dislike about their hair? I'm a little guilty of this. Just the other day, I ran into someone at the grocery store and assumed that the woman just had her relaxed hair pulled back and was getting something before working out (was wearing a basketball uniform). She turned around, and I realized she's actually a he. It was cool: he was confident and didn't care what people thought (and a lot of black women were giving him weird looks).

I think if we can convince a lot of black men who are more mainstream that this is/can be their self-journeys (and their sons) as much as it is ours and our daughters, maybe there would be less backlash? I hope it's not wishful thinking on my part .

Oh, and ironically: the most positive attention I've ever received from black men was when my hair went through a transition of almost every color of the rainbow . Not sure what was up with that...

Yeah, I have a coworker, whom I don't see everyday, who says something about my hair every time I see him. He says stuff like, "What you doing with your hair?, or "When you gonna do something to your hair". I told him to look around at all the curly hair ladies on TV and just round and about. And, he said, "But your hair looks nappy!". That hurt my feelings so badly. I associate "nappy" with the other "n" word. It's derogatory to me. I told him not to talk to me ever again, even after he tried to apologize! Maybe I over reacted, but that's just the way I am. I haven't spoken to him since.

curlybarbi48 wrote:Yeah, I have a coworker, whom I don't see everyday, who says something about my hair every time I see him. He says stuff like, "What you doing with your hair?, or "When you gonna do something to your hair". I told him to look around at all the curly hair ladies on TV and just round and about. And, he said, "But your hair looks nappy!". That hurt my feelings so badly. I associate "nappy" with the other "n" word. It's derogatory to me. I told him not to talk to me ever again, even after he tried to apologize! Maybe I over reacted, but that's just the way I am. I haven't spoken to him since.

nah, u didn't over react. u said what u felt. i would have said the same thing. it is him that was out of place.

im transitioning and im not transitioning with braids or anything of that nature and my boyfriend always seems to have something to say but more so playfully..for instance he will say well you know what you need to do...perm your hair! but then he'll tell me he likes that im doing something different and that he thinks i look beautiful either way... I just hate to hear ignorant comments like that in general.. Its a shame that black women are afraid to embrace their natural beautiful hair. I find that it is becoming more and more of a trend but if more women start to really look into their background information then i think they will embrace it more than just the fade or trend. thats just MO.

disclaimer:: the avatar pic is simply my inspiration.

I have experienced some ignorance as well. When one of my male friends saw that I cut my hair...he had a nerve to say don't you wanna look good when you are at work... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I was pissed. I looked him straight in his eyes and said I look good regardless, I don't need hair to define who I am. Ever since that I deleted him out my phonebook just because he made a DUMB @#$#$ remark like that....smh JERK.

I've been natural for over a year now and the only time my husband liked my hair was when i first did my BC. Now he tells me all the time that I need to get a perm or a JERRI CURL. I tell him that I won't be putting any chemicals in this head especially not a jerri curl. Recently I thought about cutting my hair again because my son is getting married soon and I can't do anything with my hair except put it in a puff and I don't want to wear it that way for the wedding. Anywhoo my husband does not want me to cut my hair, I told him you don't like it any way so I might as well get it styled the way I want it.But I've changed my mind since then about cutting it. I don't think that my daughter has ever liked it either. She wants me to get it straightened for the wedding but I don't want to put any heat in my hair and any ways I want to rock my natural curls. does anyone have any idea's I've never been good at doing my hair so keep it simple.

happy2bcurly wrote:I've been natural for over a year now and the only time my husband liked my hair was when i first did my BC. Now he tells me all the time that I need to get a perm or a JERRI CURL. I tell him that I won't be putting any chemicals in this head especially not a jerri curl. Recently I thought about cutting my hair again because my son is getting married soon and I can't do anything with my hair except put it in a puff and I don't want to wear it that way for the wedding. Anywhoo my husband does not want me to cut my hair, I told him you don't like it any way so I might as well get it styled the way I want it.But I've changed my mind since then about cutting it. I don't think that my daughter has ever liked it either. She wants me to get it straightened for the wedding but I don't want to put any heat in my hair and any ways I want to rock my natural curls. does anyone have any idea's I've never been good at doing my hair so keep it simple.

If you don't have a natural hair salon in your area, try getting your hair professionally cut (it does not have to be short) and shaped at a barber shop. This will make any style easier to achieve.

HTH

Thanks Naturally Esq,
No we don't have a natural hair salon here. When I first did the bc i went to a barber shop. The guy there has been cutting my hair for years, even when I was permed. He does a great job and it's cheaper to get your hair cut at a barber shop than at a salon. I still go there for my tapes and to get my eye brows done. He uses a staight edge razor and its very neat looking.

curlybarbi48 wrote:Yeah, I have a coworker, whom I don't see everyday, who says something about my hair every time I see him. He says stuff like, "What you doing with your hair?, or "When you gonna do something to your hair". I told him to look around at all the curly hair ladies on TV and just round and about. And, he said, "But your hair looks nappy!". That hurt my feelings so badly. I associate "nappy" with the other "n" word. It's derogatory to me. I told him not to talk to me ever again, even after he tried to apologize! Maybe I over reacted, but that's just the way I am. I haven't spoken to him since.

He should be grateful you didn't poison his coffee.

The most criticism I receive is from my daughter's father (and my daughter for that matter). One comment: "So what's up with that...you hanging with Jill Scott now?" All I did was laugh because it didn't bother me what he thought. But you could tell he was trying to clown me and wanted others to join in! But my reaction shut 'em all down! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I've not received too many negative comments from Black men maybe because 1) my persona does not welcome dumbsh*t--and they can tell(lol); and 2) most would say it suits me...instead of being the lesbian, I'm the Black Militant. ;-)

I'm thankful the man in my life loves it! He plays with it when we're just sitting...he says HE wants to try his hand at braiding it (I'm still thinking on that one, but it's all good just the same)! If I haven't touched it in days, he's like "Where's all the oils, shouldn't you be twisting up right now?" LOL

I just can't believe the things some men will say. When will black men understand that their words have meaning. I remember a guy in high school telling me he preferred my straightened hair because he could run his fingers through. He also said he liked to see black girls with straight hair because we had better attitudes then as opposed to having braids/twists in. Let's just say we didn't stay friends for long.

when I first did my BC in december of 09' and my husband saw my hair the next day he was like "oh you did it huh" but it sounded rather dry. then when we were having sex he told me to put on my du rag cause it felt like he was having sex with a man. omg that was like kicking me in my face with a steel toe boot lmao! it hurt my feelings soo bad,that when I was in the bathroom I didn't even notice the tears running down my face.my kids were even teasein me. sayin I looked like the Jackson 5 lol. I was like, all five of em huh?! but I told my husband that if he didn't want to have sex with me the way I was,then we wasn't having sex at all. cause I was not about to hide my hair so he could be into me sexually. I then told him that I was not my hair,and I was still the woman that he married. but today he loves my hair (I guess). he doesn't say mean things to me anymore. and now he plays in my hair and always notice when my hair is growing. I don't understand why people period think they can just tell you anything and don't care if they hurt your feelings or not. and they want you to wear your hair the way they want you to wear it. people are a trip!

Muz wrote: That is ignorant. If they are so concerned with long permed hair, they can do that with their own. As for me and mine, I'm going to do what makes ME happy.

ahahahaha!!! hilarious.