Men and Naturals!!!

Hello all!!!!!

I really need to get this off my chest really quick. I have had long thick hair all my, permed, life. No, I don't have horror stories or anything like that but I did see what a lifetime of perm could do to your hair. Just like me my mom HAD that same long, thick hair. As she aged her hair stayed long but the thickness was gone, long gone. I made a personal choice to go natural and try to save my hair. My current significant other thought that I was going through one of my many hair changes and didnt take me serious until the picture hit Facebook. HE LOST HIS MIND. He started with " OMG you look like a boy with earrings", "people are gonna think your gay", "your hair was so long and pretty, why would you do that?" This reaction made me sad and mad at the same time. All I could say was "it's only hair, it will grow back. but I will never get a perm again"

My question is, why do you think SOME men react in this manner when it comes to OUR hair??? And where are the MEN that can appreciate a NATURAL CURL???? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

hey!!!!! I was just in Miami about a month ago!! yay!!

i think some guys act like because:

1)they have been trained to think we need to have our hair only relaxed or pressed to be beautiful
2)afraid of understanding and embracing their heritage
3)pure ignorance

girl, all i can tell you that there are PLENTY men of ALL of nationalities that love our natural hair!!! Actually, I know a lot of guys like the low cut that you have going on. I find that a different type of guy approaches a natural than approaching a lady with relaxed, pressed, etc hair. be patient. if after educating him he doesn't understand the cultural, health, emotional, psychological ramifications of going natural, tell him if he can't solider up then he needs to ship out!!

I agree with dajewel, he needs to keep it moving because that let's you know how shallow the guy is and he needs to be more concerned with your inner beauty

I told my guy that I was going natural, and he didnt know what that meant. So I explained, and he said "why would you want your hair to be nappy?" I'm not necessarily offended by it tho. I understand that he, like many other men, especially ol' time southern close-minded men, is just ignorant. He has been blinded by societies standards of beauty- the status-quo that dictates that fair-skinned, tall limbed, size 2, staight long haired women with small noses and big breasts are the standard of perfection. When in reality, perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

Sadly a lot of guys just dont know any better, and dont want to know any better. They are products of their environment. So I say let them keep up their search for the perfect bimbo, but when they want to find something glamorous, something bold, something big, something new, something real--> Natural is the deal!

If he's the guy for you, he will realize that you are not your hair, and he will except you as you are. My BF may not like my hair, but he loves me, so he'll get over it. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Also, confidence and love in oneself is contagious. If you rock and roll it, other people cant help but get the picture!

yeah, ditto to pi*jay!

the confidence that comes from sporting the natural is intoxicating!!! i was never called sexy until i went natural, and i think alot of it is because i feel sexy because i am in my own skin. its a journey that we all take! oh, i can tell you that white, Spanish, middle eastern, black(Caribbean and African American), etc have all tried to court me with this hair.

Sorry to hear that. I agree with the other comments about how we have been trained to accept a certain image. He will get over it.

My husband on the other hand, cut my hair for me. But I think he felt sorry for me. My daughter and I were driving back from Chicago, Labor Day weekend, and I just started taking my kinky twist out with no idea on what I was going to do with my hair. Got home washed, conditioned and got under the dryer. When I came from under that dryer, my hair was a mess! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] He grabbed my hand, took me to the basement, draped a cape over me and proceeded to cut. Now he only complains about the number of products I buy.

Now if I can find a natural hair salon without having to go to Detroit or Chicago.

Keep your head up!!

labon10 wrote:Sorry to hear that. I agree with the other comments about how we have been trained to accept a certain image. He will get over it.

My husband on the other hand, cut my hair for me. But I think he felt sorry for me. My daughter and I were driving back from Chicago, Labor Day weekend, and I just started taking my kinky twist out with no idea on what I was going to do with my hair. Got home washed, conditioned and got under the dryer. When I came from under that dryer, my hair was a mess! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] He grabbed my hand, took me to the basement, draped a cape over me and proceeded to cut. Now he only complains about the number of products I buy.

Now if I can find a natural hair salon without having to go to Detroit or Chicago.

Keep your head up!!

I don't know what part of Michigan you're in--but I think there is a salon or two in the Ann Arbor area that does natural hair. Also which salons in Detroit do you go to? I am new to all of this and would like to try to find somewhere to go in the Metro Detroit area if possible..

this is one of those determining factors between a male the scientific being with an XY and a real MAN - an individual who thinks feels and understands... that said when I was transitioning I was mostly wearing sew-ins so the guy I was dating at the time didn't even know it. One day we were chillin and he noticed I was a part of the Natural Hair meet-up group on meetup.com (when I was in San Diego) and he laughed. I was like what? And he was like what so a group of women with nappy hair just get together to talk about their nappy hair? (pause - why the conversation or relationship lasted the other month or two that it did still perplexes me... maybe it was the part of me that really thinks I can change a man and educate him???) So I proceeded to ask him did he think natural meant nappy. Then I explained about the sisterhood of natural women and how we share products and hair tips and salons and make the tightest network of any group he's ever been a part of... grrrr he was such a jerk and oh so superficial....

thankfully now I am with a man who loves my curls, tries to help me put in curlformers lol, asks me when the next time I'm going to wash my hair, asks me about the latest products I've bought and THEN says "well I want healthy hair too why I can't use your products" lol. now don't get me wrong he is straight up honest with me if he doesn't like a particular style he will say -I think it's too frizzy or I liked whatever you did yesterday... So he doesn't LIKE it everyday, but he LOVES it ALL THE SAME (and the fact that I'm not spending money at the beauty shop helps out and that I don't mind going down to the pool with him helps out too lol) The very first time that I washed and styled my own hair successfully I hesitantly asked him if he liked and he was like "I love it!" and I was so not expecting that... He said he loved it because he had never seen me smile that much over my hair... and since it made me happy that I could do it and care for my own hair it made him happy...now thats a MAN...a MAN that i LOVE whew... ok next! lol

d.denise wrote:this is one of those determining factors between a male the scientific being with an XY and a real MAN - an individual who thinks feels and understands... that said when I was transitioning I was mostly wearing sew-ins so the guy I was dating at the time didn't even know it. One day we were chillin and he noticed I was a part of the Natural Hair meet-up group on meetup.com (when I was in San Diego) and he laughed. I was like what? And he was like what so a group of women with nappy hair just get together to talk about their nappy hair? (pause - why the conversation or relationship lasted the other month or two that it did still perplexes me... maybe it was the part of me that really thinks I can change a man and educate him???) So I proceeded to ask him did he think natural meant nappy. Then I explained about the sisterhood of natural women and how we share products and hair tips and salons and make the tightest network of any group he's ever been a part of... grrrr he was such a jerk and oh so superficial....

thankfully now I am with a man who loves my curls, tries to help me put in curlformers lol, asks me when the next time I'm going to wash my hair, asks me about the latest products I've bought and THEN says "well I want healthy hair too why I can't use your products" lol. now don't get me wrong he is straight up honest with me if he doesn't like a particular style he will say -I think it's too frizzy or I liked whatever you did yesterday... So he doesn't LIKE it everyday, but he LOVES it ALL THE SAME (and the fact that I'm not spending money at the beauty shop helps out and that I don't mind going down to the pool with him helps out too lol) The very first time that I washed and styled my own hair successfully I hesitantly asked him if he liked and he was like "I love it!" and I was so not expecting that... He said he loved it because he had never seen me smile that much over my hair... and since it made me happy that I could do it and care for my own hair it made him happy...now thats a MAN...a MAN that i LOVE whew... ok next! lol

I hear you on your man using your hair products...my man does the same thing lol! He figures if I use it, then its fine because he has curly hair as well. He's the reason why I didn't relax my hair once I got frustrated because he was like why would you want your hair to look like everyone else's when your hair is beautiful? and yes he will tell me if the particular style is not what he likes (although he knows I like messy stuff, not too neat!) Although we are from different backgrounds (he's hispanic) he's been learning about curly hair stuff with me and supports it 100%. Men seem not to like change, but if they care, they will be there for you. And I think that goes for your friends as well...

I just told my bf that I was going to sport a curly fro, and he looked at me like I disgusted him. Like this -> [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] HA!

I only had three men say something absolutely ignorant concerning my hair when I cut it. One supposed friend told me I looked like a d*** boy. My response "If you see a boy or man with DDD breasts and hips like this with my pretty face you need to send him to the doctor. I have never nor will I ever look like a man."

The other is a work acquaintance I see him on a rare occassion when he saw me he said "oh nice cut. Don't you think you need to do something with you hair." i didn't answer because he is the type that like sisters on the down low but will only date or marry another race.

Anyways enough of the negativity. My dad loved the idea. My baby brother wasn't thrilled (like it mattered). He said 'as long as you like it and when we somewhere together you look good it don't matter'.

But the other men in my life or have dated or whatever even if they weren't 'into' natural hair they will ask questions then want to touch it. Once they do it's like "nice", "it's softer than it looks". And the more they see and touch the more they want to see and touch.

Now I admit I get a lot of stares but I'm used to that cuz when your beautiful that's what people tend to do..lol.

Anywho..confidence is key when dealing with these types and for every man who doesn't like it there are 5 more that will.


My TWA below!!

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Detroit,,,,(Flint),,,lol,,,that's how you represent ma...

Thanks!! I'm gonna try to post growth pics tomorrow or the weekend.

So I thought I'd report back to you ladies. I struck up a random conversation last night with the guy I'm dating--not sure if he's a boyfriend at my age.....hmmmm interesting what should I call him? I know the names I call him when he's getting on my nerves...anywho

I started asking him questions about my hair. He had this puzzled look on his face like huh what are you talking about??? Then I had to tell him about the forum and TRY to explain the forum to him because if it's not Suze Ormon or Dave Ramsey he's kinda on the la la side of the world.

I asked him if he had a negative opinion about my hair. This was his response: "Tasha you've never worn your hair straight anyway ( I always worn roller sets) so the whole sitting in the salon was a waste of time anyway. That money all of those years could've been drawing interest (just great make me feel incompetent financially...LOL). He goes on to say that it's my hair and I should do whatever makes me happy. He starts watching tv and then I think the light bulb came on and he heard what I said. He says wait a minute, it's a place where a bunch of women talk hair all day long...I said yup that is correct.

ritapita09 I'm in Lansing and there are no natural salon here, or anything else for that matter. Tried a shop that does locs, braids, etc., but the lady did not do what I asked her. We are going to Chicago next week and I'm going to make an appointment at a shop near my aunt.

d.denise and curlyfilmchick My husband and son laugh everytime I pull out a mixing bowl but they are the first ones to try it out. When they found out my hair butter makes their hair soft, every morning you hear "Who has the hair butter, I need it." Now they want to know if they can use hair rinses too. My daughter thinks it's the funniest thing.

[b] I asked one of close guy friends from childhood what he thought about my hair. He was like what did you do to it, I told him to go to Facebook and check out my profile and call me back. about 10 minutes later he called back and said "WOW!!!! FLorida Evans." I almost came through that phone. Just as I was about to give him the business he said, "I'm just joking, you are beautiful and I've never seen you smile so big." That almost brought tears to my eyes. As soon as I got off the phone I called my significant other told him, I love my hair and if you don't "goodbye" and hung up the phone.

U go girl!!

For most guys, hair is not just an accessory, but it's what makes the woman. I think your significant other thinks this way, because to him, you no longer look like a woman in his eyes. That's just wrong. The hair doesn't make us, we make the hair. And he just didn't get that memo, unfortunately. When I Bc'd, I told my boyfriend how my friends told me I looked like a guy..and he responded "Then I love guys." [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Because he is significant to you, I hope each and every part of you, including your new hair is significant enough to him that he embraces it.

My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) is the reason I started to wear my hair in it's natural state. He say it one day and couldn't believe that I wasn't relaxed. He begged me to leave it "big." So I think the male response has a lot to to with their mental conditioning. My hubby is on his 3rd set of locs, he had locs when we met so he is all for natural hair. He dated girls with relaxers but has asked that I not straighten mine now. If I straighten he doesn't mind but he does prefer it kinky.