GOOD hair v.s BAD Hair... There is NO such thing!

India Arie:
"Good hair means curls and waves... Bad hair means you look like a slave..."

BTW, I love this song, it gives the best meaning for hair!

I quoted that particular part of the song, because I know plenty of us have heard the term "You have good hair" or "She has bad hair"...

Honestly speaking, when I was younger, I really thought that I had "Bad Hair".
This was beacuse:
-I was tenderheaded
-My mom didn't use the proper combing techniques, so alot came out
-Hated geting my hair washed, got tangled bad
-Couldn't wear my hair down, always styled in those many single twists/braids with baretts.

I mean, I dreaded getting my hair wash, let alone even combed! Every time I got my hair combed she would say "You have bad hair like your dad"...

I remember telling my mom, "I wish I had good hair like Tia and Tamera"... She responded by saying "Their hair gets tangles too"...

Now that I am older... I realized that during my generation of growing up, Some parents didn't know how to properly care for "Coarse Hair"... All they knew was: Either you have Good hair or Bad Hair. This resulted in young kids getting perms... Luckily I didn't get a perm until high school, but I WAS glad that my mom started sending to the shop to get my hair pressed out (I was tired of dealing with pain on my scalp)... And it was a shame that I only started getting acknowledged by my pressed hair.

Before I got my hair pressed, a few of my friends (who were NOT black) asked me:
-How come your mom never lets you wear your hair down?
-How come black girls always have to have grease in their hair?
-Do you always have to wear barrets?

One particular time my firend asked my mom, "Can she wear her hair in a pony-tail like mine?"
Now, she did put my hair in a SIDE pony tail, followed by a knocker and a barret at the end. She said I couldn't wear it loose because the wind would make it nappy... (It was always some stupid reason why I had to wear my hair a certain way)...

I was so excited to wear my "HAlf Loose pony-tail", lol... I was always touching and patting my hair. Then my friend (who was NOT black) turns to me and says "Stop touching your pony-tail because you'll wipe all of the grease out of it"... Huh????


Looking back, I feel awfully bad for us girls that had to go through this, and kids that are currently going through this as well. We should have never felt like "THE BLACK GIRL" because of our hair.

I love the fact that I have decided to get in touch with my natural hair and find out what really works for me... I have even had people (who are NOT black) come up to me and say "I wish I had hair like yours, you can just do so much with it. You can braid it and it will last... If I braid my hair I have to take it down the next 2 days"....

Either way... by the time I decide to have kids, I will make sure that they don't have to go through what I experienced... I will tell them "There is NO such thing as good hair or bad hair... Your hair is YOUR hair"!

amen girl!! luckily my mom doesnt buy into that whole good hair, bad hair thing. she also doesnt use/like terminology like "light skinned" or "dark skinned". my mom is very fair and my sisters &brother all came out looking like some mixed kids. i was the only one who came out chocolate . i realize now that part of the reason i dont have issues when it comes to hair &skin color is mostly my mom. thank you lord for that beautiful woman!!

now i got teased a lot when i was younger because im darker than my siblings; being call "blacky" and things of that nature (by kids who were darker than me, no less ). but it never really got to me because at home there was never any preferrential treatment or even mention of skin color or hair type. my hair was mostly kept in braids (which made it grow like a weed) & pressed every now &then. i couldnt wear it pressed too much cuz i was a tomboy &played too hard &always sweated it out before the sun went down. i hated getting my hair pressed, ugh.

the stylist my mom chose (a friend from church) would always make negative comments about my hair being thick &nappy &blah blah blah. it made me mad that she used to mumble these things under her breath while in my head (like i couldnt hear her) but it never rooted as me feeling negative about my hair. even though my mom used to go through hell &highwater (& a helluva lot of broken combs &grease) to detangle my hair after taking down my braids, i still NEVER wanted a perm. the only time i can recall even wanting straight hair was to immitate a french roll my big sister got (&that was just because i wanted to be like her). i wanted hairstyles like in the hair books around the salon, but not necessarily straight hair.

ok, really long winded to say you are totally right, the way we talk to our children &the example we set by our actions has long lasting effects! and it starts from the womb!! we have to teach our young men and women to love themselves no matter what from the get go, and it starts at home!!

As I get older, I know 23 isn't old, but as I mature, I realize the way we think is because of our enviroment.. @derbydiva it's great you have a great background and support system. Most little girls as myself was called black, nappy.. I remember my aunt told me, I used to be a ugly duckling but I have grown into a swan so not nice. She was so serious. It's like you never have a problem with something until ppl constantly point them out. If you're always told how beautiful you are, that's what you believe about yourself.. My step mom would complain about my hair all the time, and then pack gel into it, making it a hard mess of a pony tail. She always picked on me about my hair. Thanking god for the info available on natural hair and beauty.. we can eliminate some of this twisted thinking.

One more thing and I'm done. I hate how as a race, we constantly bring each other down on hair and skin complexion. (2biggest hang ups!!) I look forward to planting new and better seeds with my niece and nephews, and my kids in the future.