Ladies Help Me Please !

I have been transitioning for abut 10 months. Yesterday I just got sick of the two textures and had my neighbor ( who is a hairdresser and has natural hair) to cut off my relaxed ends. To my surprise I had less natural hair than I thought and on top of that I now look like a little boy. I look like I should be singing on stage in bell bottoms with my four brothers.

Ladies what have you done when you weren't happy with your chop? How did you help your self-esteem. I used to rely on my hair a lot because of my weight and my bad skin (acne) , I felt that my hair made me more attractive. Now what can I hide behind? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I think the point is not to hide behind anything. You're beautiful with or without the length of hair you used to have. You're funny (I chuckled at the Jackson 5 reference, so now work on being strong! The big chop is expected to be difficult, or discomforting-- and the more discomforting it causes the more joy you'll feel when you overcome those bad feelings.
Why would you wanna hide all your beauty and wonderful characteristics? Let yourself shine!

Honey I've been there done that what I 've resorted to is after my bc its not that I didnt like it per say I just prefer more hair on my head so I just braid my own hair and rock wigs that are of natural texture and sew-ins you can also get your hair braided or some kinky twist... Hope this helps

Thanks ladies for the words of encouragement. After my initial freakout , I washed my hair, deep conditioned and attempted my first wash and go . I am sporting some giant hoop earrings and my litle curlies are popin'. I am starting to feel better already. I don't have any pics yet, I think I lost my camera.

JNelly, I BC'd after only 3 1/2 months of transitioning so I know about the lack of length. I told myself that no matter what, I was going to rock my hair with confidence. I researched this site as well as youtube and the internet to get ideas for TWA's. I invested in some earrings, some new makeup and sported my TWA. Initially, the thought did cross my mind to get braids or try a wig or something but I tossed those thoughts aside and decided to rock my TWA despite my thinned edges. My hair has grown a lot in the short time since my BC. I am happy to be natural. Just like when I was relaxed, there are bad hair days but despite those days, I still rock my TWA with confidence. Just remember that you are beautiful no matter the length of your hair and you will be fine.

Thanks Embracing ! Your hair looks super cute byt the way [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I bet you look gorgeous. Like some of the other ladies said, get some cute headbands, flowers, cute earrings. I cant wait to see pics!!!

JNelly,
My first day to work after I shaved my head (like had a fade) was scary. I had "I am not my hair" blasting when I pulled into the garage. I was worried that people were going to think I was a boy. But halfway through the day I had already gotten numerous compliments and I wasn't worried about that anymore. (BTW I love the Jackson 5 reference). I feel so free now that I've cut my hair. The other ladies are right.... there's nothing to hide behind. We are beautiful. We are queens. One day you may get the length that you want but for now rock the TWA! Get some cute earings! Experiement with make up! (Eye shadow is my best friend!) Get some clothes that maybe will help you feel more feminine. I wish you luck. But remember you are beautiful.... the hair didn't make you..... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

It's not the hair it's you. When I first BC's I was very upset also. I came here and got a lot of support. My hairdresser was trying to even up my fro after my BC and I told her that I think she had cut enough so she left it alone. I thought I was ready but I wasn't. I just told myself that you have to be a bold woman to wear your hair like this and it has boosted my confidence. I started taking more care with my appearance and it feels good. Now my husband enjoys the results(not the hair cut but my confidence) Because of the way I carry myself, I have not had anyone actually tell me to my face that they didn't like my hair. And they better not because I don't care.

BattleKat and WhosthatRedHead thanks for the words of encouragement. I met up with a friend to help me out today just with hairstyle ideas. I think my new hair will force me to be a bit more creative @ Lynnie I wish I could post up pics but i am not even sure where my camera is. It's in my apartment somewhere lol. When I find it I will .

I went through the same thing. I cut my hair after almost 5 months of transitioning about a month ago. I looked into the mirror and HATED what I saw. I stayed in my room and didn't want to be seen. Then I got up looked in the mirror and said to myself "I am beautiful, I can totally rock this".


I haven't looked back since. I love my hair now. I have never felt as beautiful and as confident as I feel now. You couldn't pay me to go back.

Just hang in there. You'll feel loads better.

I know exactly what you are talking about.
When I cut my hair (at a men's barber with all the older men staring at me like I was crazy) I was really scared of the outcome. After the barber guy was done, I looked at myself in the mirror and said "oh hell what did I do!!!" I put back on my glasses and the barber guy said Oh my god you are really beautiful now. And then I realized what you see in the mirror is what you want to see. Regardless of what you think, you ARE beautiful, the way God made you.

Grab your self confidence by the horns and live life to the fullest. Trust me! Cutting your hair will be the best thing you did in your life.

And for the confidence boosters: wear big earrings and necklaces, if you're a make-up person (I'm not!) have fun with it. And most importantly enjoy your hair for you! Not for what you think the mirror says

how about getting your hair twist n curl at a local salon?? i loved it cuz although i never bc, it gave the allusion that i bc'd ( i know, i know! real ironic when everyone wants long natural hair and here i am trying to make it look like i have short hair lol)

here is a pic of my hair with said do. this was last January. [url][/url]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

BattleKat wrote:It's not the hair it's you. When I first BC's I was very upset also. I came here and got a lot of support. My hairdresser was trying to even up my fro after my BC and I told her that I think she had cut enough so she left it alone. I thought I was ready but I wasn't. I just told myself that you have to be a bold woman to wear your hair like this and it has boosted my confidence. I started taking more care with my appearance and it feels good. Now my husband enjoys the results(not the hair cut but my confidence) Because of the way I carry myself, I have not had anyone actually tell me to my face that they didn't like my hair. And they better not because I don't care.

My hair dresser evened up my TWA too and I was so annoyed!!! She cut too much off! Now I'm just gonna let it grow wild and free.

JNelly, as some other naturalistas have been saying its natural to feel that way honey, no worries. This is a point where you should do what makes you feel comfortable. When some get the bc aftershock they may get braids/micros/weaves or try and rock it as comfortably as possible. I think whats most important is that youre comfy. So if you want to some braids do that, or if you wanna try and rock the TWA its nothing wrong with that either...trust me, that hair will grow and you will have fun seeing the changes in growth and the various styles and such, you can do

Hope this helps!!

I'm sure you don't look like a boy! From your avatar picture I see a pretty smile and some cheekbones! I can't see them, but I'm sure you have some breasts and I know little boys don't come with all that! lol. Work that short hair and your accessories. My mom has been rocking a TWA for about 8 (or so) years now and she loves it. I know you plan to grow it out, but I think you'll start loving it too!

So funny, I felt like you were explaining what you witnessed when I did my BC. I really struggled even cried when I left the beauty shop, but the second I walked into my house my husband was like WOW!!!! I had almost forgotten how beautiful you are!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] He loved it! The little boost was all I needed to be confident and see in myself what had been there all along. I also made sure to rock fly earrings and makeup, not because I felt I had to, but because that's my kind of thing. Every morning it got easier and it felt like there was something new I was learning about myself!

Its a process enjoy it , embrace it!! I am sure you look AMAZING [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] !!!!!

I just BC'd in May and I was also upset and felt I looked like a boy. I was anxious and upset the entire week after. I asked questions on this site and received so much encouragement...... it really helped. I wore a wig the entire first week after my BC. The following weekend I played with my hair, tried different looks and treated myself to some new earrings. I got rid of the wig and with the help of the ladies on this site I am loving my hair. You will be fine!

I know you look beautiful!

If it hasn't happened already you'll be in love with your hair soon. I BC'd after about 10 months as well and I panicked for a second until I realized there was a lot I could do with my twa. Once you have a few styles under your belt and maybe an accesory or two you won't look back.

As other ladies have stated, try some accessories. If after that point you still aren't comfortable with your length, then try braids for a month or two. Don't give up!! You have to figure out what works for YOU!!! HHJ and HHG!!!

You ladies are so wonderful. Your words have really helped me. That is why I love this site ! So it has been day two. I put on some lovely make-up with a fabulous necklace and outfit to match and I recieved two compliments today. YAY! It is still going to take some getting used to. The people at work haven't seen it yet, so we will see what they say. Either way it doesn't matter what people think ...right? It is amazing how hair can change your whole outlook on life.