Awkward hair moments w/other races...

I want to share two hair stories since moving from Detroit to central Wisconsin last year:

The second one, which prompted me to write this, occurred at work. If you haven't heard me complain enough about it, I work and live in a predominately white area. I work at a newspaper, and one day had a source enter our office to give me a story idea. This woman was white, and in her 40s. Her hair was short and at about ear level. At the end of our convo, she stops to say how much she loves how curly my hair is. Then she proceeds to move her arm as if she was going to touch my hair. At the same time sensing her movement, I pulled my head back and gave her a are-you-crazy look. Seriously I thought white people wanting to touch black women's hair ended years ago, but considering the lack of color in the area I live in I'll just assume she didn't know any better. She then proceeds to ask me how I got my curls and wanted to know what perm I used. I explained to her that I didn't perm, and that using a perm would actually relax my hair. Amazed she said, "I suppose that's God's bit of irony." Call me slow, but I have no clue where the irony is.

My second story, which actually occurred to me first, happened while in a shopping center about a year ago before I decided to go natural. I was randomly approached in Bath & Body Works by a white woman who wanted to know where I got my hair relaxed because she had no clue on how to control her 9-year-old daughter's mixed hair. She informed me the girl's nearest black relatives lived hundreds of miles away in Rockford, Ill. and she was afraid she was doing her daughter's hair the wrong way. Well she was, the poor girl had a sloppy braid in the back of her head and something thrown on the top. Her daughter had no type of moisture in her strands and it appeared as if it hadn't been combed/brushed/detangled in weeks. Now had I met this woman after transitioning, I probably would've encouraged her to do her daughter's hair naturally, but since I didn't, I informed her that the girl didn't need and shouldn't have a relaxer, but to just wash, blow dry or flat iron her hair.

My point is, since when did black women become the experts on all hair questions? Are we really that into hair or are other races just not that into it? It seems like we always need books, information, web sites, family to teach us, but other races don't? Is their hair really that simple?

LOL that's happened to me before in class, where they touch your hair and you get the OO wow I didn't think it would be so soft and your like umm ? But that woman asking you the question about her daughter's hair was cute. I've asked random people on the street before how did you do your hair like that?? Call me crazy, but I don't think theres anything wrong with a little curiosity as long as they aren't invading your personal space.

My old roommate (Jewish with 1A hair) would just attack my fro for no reason. She thinks it is the coolest thing ever. Her mom is a 3b/c curly and yet none of her kids have curls.

It has always been the opposite for me. AA men/women have always touched my hair. Usually following the question "Is this all of your hair?" I remember being "weave checked" back in middle school. I'm caucasian/mexican and at the age of 12 I had absolutely no clue what "tracks" were so when people asked to check my hair for tracks I said sure. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Now, as far as the lady thinking you got a perm, in the white community perm = curling your hair.

"It seems like we always need books, information, web sites, family to teach us, but other races don't?"

^I guess that depends on the person. There are plenty of Caucasian women on NaturallyCurly who need books, websites, blogs, etc.

So far, the only awkwardness I've ever gotten was from TOURISTS. Especially FOREIGN tourists. I work in Rockefeller Center (big tourist spot), and when my hair was bigger, they'd always STARE. They never asked any questions, never said anything, just STARE. Just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]. Even now with my hair short, they just give the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face. One day I just gave this old lady the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face back at her, and she got all flustered and asked "What are you staring at???". I said "I was going to ask you the same question!? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]" and walked off.

And while waiting for food at the deli, yet ANOTHER tourist (German guy) was just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] at me AS A WHOLE. I didn't know if he was checking me out or sizing me up! I started to feel uncomfortable! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And he mumbles something to his friend in German and his friend looked at him like he was nuts. I'm not fluent in German at all, but I think it was along the lines of Guy #1: "what's up with her hair?" and Guy #2 "It's nice! What's WRONG with you??" [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Then my WISE ASS, I look at him and go "Guten Morgen!(Good morning.) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] " and he goes "[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .....Guten Morgen! " and starts to flirt (in English).

Sometimes, tourists make me LOL. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

LOL at LadyMika. I have to admit, I don't think I've ever gotten the LOL

LadyMika wrote:So far, the only awkwardness I've ever gotten was from TOURISTS. Especially FOREIGN tourists. I work in Rockefeller Center (big tourist spot), and when my hair was bigger, they'd always STARE. They never asked any questions, never said anything, just STARE. Just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]. Even now with my hair short, they just give the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face. One day I just gave this old lady the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face back at her, and she got all flustered and asked "What are you staring at???". I said "I was going to ask you the same question!? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]" and walked off.

And while waiting for food at the deli, yet ANOTHER tourist (German guy) was just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] at me AS A WHOLE. I didn't know if he was checking me out or sizing me up! I started to feel uncomfortable! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And he mumbles something to his friend in German and his friend looked at him like he was nuts. I'm not fluent in German at all, but I think it was along the lines of Guy #1: "what's up with her hair?" and Guy #2 "It's nice! What's WRONG with you??" [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Then my WISE ASS, I look at him and go "Guten Morgen!(Good morning.) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] " and he goes "[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .....Guten Morgen! " and starts to flirt (in English).

Sometimes, tourists make me LOL. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Mika, you are crazzzzzy!

my white and asian friends always want to touch my hair.. even when i flat iron it.. i don't really mind since they're nice about it and are genuinely curious, so its never too awkward.. except that one time i was a rave and one of my friends wouldn't stop touching my hair for like 10mins [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].. "its just so soft" she kept saying..

also, my bf let his hair grow out for over 6months and he has the most amazing 2a/b curls (*jealous).. so the last few times my bf and i met up with our friends who hadn't seen us together in a while they all said "omg! you two have matching hair!"
..it was already a running joke between us, but no less awkward when pointed out

This article I found this morning, pretty much answers my questions, ALL women have hair issues, lol:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-04-12-bad-hair_N.htm

LadyMika wrote:
And while waiting for food at the deli, yet ANOTHER tourist (German guy) was just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] at me AS A WHOLE. I didn't know if he was checking me out or sizing me up! I started to feel uncomfortable! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And he mumbles something to his friend in German and his friend looked at him like he was nuts. I'm not fluent in German at all, but I think it was along the lines of Guy #1: "what's up with her hair?" and Guy #2 "It's nice! What's WRONG with you??" [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Then my WISE ASS, I look at him and go "Guten Morgen!(Good morning.) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] " and he goes "[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .....Guten Morgen! " and starts to flirt (in English).

Sometimes, tourists make me LOL. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

This made me chuckle..

Germans are big time starers, even in Germany. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] They stare at each other, they stare at other people, they'll stare at your dog..lol.. it's like they're trying to get a really gooooooood look, and they won't even look away once you start staring back. I think that's one of the cultural differences btwn Germany and the US. Here (in the US) it's considered bad manners to stare someone down, but in Germany that's an everyday occurence. I mean people will break their necks to keep looking!! Once you start talking to the person the spell is broken and things go back to normal.

A few months ago while wearing a twist out a white woman working at the coffee shop complimented me on my hair an proceeded to ask me how I did my hair because she had a mixed child. I was happy to explain the process to her, because I knew she had no clue as to how to do the child's hair, and when you think about it why should she, because her hair was bone straight, and of course her child had curly hair....hope I was able to help her! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

A few months ago while wearing a twist out a white woman working at the coffee shop complimented me on my hair an proceeded to ask me how I did my hair because she had a mixed child. I was happy to explain the process to her, because I knew she had no clue as to how to do the child's hair, and when you think about it why should she, because her hair was bone straight, and of course her child had curly hair....hope I was able to help her! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

A few months ago while wearing a twist out a white woman working at the coffee shop complimented me on my hair an proceeded to ask me how I did my hair because she had a mixed child. I was happy to explain the process to her, because I knew she had no clue as to how to do the child's hair, and when you think about it why should she, because her hair was bone straight, and of course her child had curly hair....hope I was able to help her! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

A few months ago while wearing a twist out a white woman working at the coffee shop complimented me on my hair an proceeded to ask me how I did my hair because she had a mixed child. I was happy to explain the process to her, because I knew she had no clue as to how to do the child's hair, and when you think about it why should she, because her hair was bone straight, and of course her child had curly hair....hope I was able to help her! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

LilyFlower8604 wrote: She then proceeds to ask me how I got my curls and wanted to know what perm I used. I explained to her that I didn't perm, and that using a perm would actually relax my hair. Amazed she said, "I suppose that's God's bit of irony." Call me slow, but I have no clue where the irony is.

Hi LilyFlower,

I can picture what you are saying and only imagine you leaning back like whoa, to stop her from touching your hair. LOL.

I think the irony the woman was referring to is the fact that a perm for white women makes their hair curly but s you told her a perm for AA women relaxes (straightens) the hair. Just a guess.

~Dva

I think the who God's irony could be more about people and a compliment. Like so many AA women perm their hair to look "good" or what they think is "presentable". But she thinks your hair is beautiful natural. Ironic that they do that to their hair only to blend in when a lot of white people like our natural hair.

I agree with deeply rooted chick. It's the idea that people always think the grass is greener on the other side. Many whites wish they had tanned skin, curly hair, larger lips, etc. While these are the features we often run from the most. It's truly all about perspective.

LadyMika wrote:So far, the only awkwardness I've ever gotten was from TOURISTS. Especially FOREIGN tourists. I work in Rockefeller Center (big tourist spot), and when my hair was bigger, they'd always STARE. They never asked any questions, never said anything, just STARE. Just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]. Even now with my hair short, they just give the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face. One day I just gave this old lady the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face back at her, and she got all flustered and asked "What are you staring at???". I said "I was going to ask you the same question!? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]" and walked off.

And while waiting for food at the deli, yet ANOTHER tourist (German guy) was just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] at me AS A WHOLE. I didn't know if he was checking me out or sizing me up! I started to feel uncomfortable! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And he mumbles something to his friend in German and his friend looked at him like he was nuts. I'm not fluent in German at all, but I think it was along the lines of Guy #1: "what's up with her hair?" and Guy #2 "It's nice! What's WRONG with you??" [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Then my WISE ASS, I look at him and go "Guten Morgen!(Good morning.) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] " and he goes "[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .....Guten Morgen! " and starts to flirt (in English).

Sometimes, tourists make me LOL. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

oh! a lot of them like brown ladies!!!...yesterday I had my hair in a big flat twist out!! He asked for my phone number and offered to come to my house after work in his uniform!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I was trying so hard not to laugh in his face!!!

I think the irony is that Black women are born with curly hair and desire to straighten in while white women who are born with straight hair desire to make it curly.

cocoeuro wrote:

LadyMika wrote:So far, the only awkwardness I've ever gotten was from TOURISTS. Especially FOREIGN tourists. I work in Rockefeller Center (big tourist spot), and when my hair was bigger, they'd always STARE. They never asked any questions, never said anything, just STARE. Just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]. Even now with my hair short, they just give the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face. One day I just gave this old lady the [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] face back at her, and she got all flustered and asked "What are you staring at???". I said "I was going to ask you the same question!? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]" and walked off.

And while waiting for food at the deli, yet ANOTHER tourist (German guy) was just [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] at me AS A WHOLE. I didn't know if he was checking me out or sizing me up! I started to feel uncomfortable! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And he mumbles something to his friend in German and his friend looked at him like he was nuts. I'm not fluent in German at all, but I think it was along the lines of Guy #1: "what's up with her hair?" and Guy #2 "It's nice! What's WRONG with you??" [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Then my WISE ASS, I look at him and go "Guten Morgen!(Good morning.) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] " and he goes "[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] .....Guten Morgen! " and starts to flirt (in English).

Sometimes, tourists make me LOL. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

oh! a lot of them like brown ladies!!!...yesterday I had my hair in a big flat twist out!! He asked for my phone number and offered to come to my house after work in his uniform!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I was trying so hard not to laugh in his face!!!

Yep, in my experience German men *love* black women. Don't be fooled because their language sounds harsh!

I think many women of different races also have very curly hair and they also do not know how to take care of it. The only thing they know how to do it blow it straight or get a Brazilian Hair Straightener. I know many women of other races who get a blow out every week and make it last until they go back the next week to get it done. Basically I am saying that more people than we think have curly/kinky hair but we just don't know it because they always go straight.

Is the question then, do we share our secrets with everyone?

I personally think that if people want education and we can teach them something that that is fine in most cases.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

WHen I lived in Japan, the Japanese people went bonkers over my hair and skin. When I would go on snowboarding trips, I would get asked, or rather motioned too, to take pictures with Japanese people. The farther North you got I guess the less black people they see. I felt famous over there! I was always getting stalked on the slopes to take a picture. Maybe they have only seen black people on TV and in magazines. I remember when I forst got there and a little Japanese boy point to me and said "COCOA GENE, COCOA GENE". Cocoa Gene (sp?) means black foreigner in Japanse.

DreamMerchant wrote:WHen I lived in Japan, the Japanese people went bonkers over my hair and skin. When I would go on snowboarding trips, I would get asked, or rather motioned too, to take pictures with Japanese people. The farther North you got I guess the less black people they see. I felt famous over there! I was always getting stalked on the slopes to take a picture. Maybe they have only seen black people on TV and in magazines. I remember when I forst got there and a little Japanese boy point to me and said "COCOA GENE, COCOA GENE". Cocoa Gene (sp?) means black foreigner in Japanse.

Well I wish all other races would refer to us as cocoa and not some other form of Negro. It sounds nice though I'd like to go there to get that treatment. My step mom visited my sister in Japan I think and she is very dark. She said she had a lot of people staring at her on the train and what not like they never seen a black person before.

DreamMerchant wrote:WHen I lived in Japan, the Japanese people went bonkers over my hair and skin. When I would go on snowboarding trips, I would get asked, or rather motioned too, to take pictures with Japanese people. The farther North you got I guess the less black people they see. I felt famous over there! I was always getting stalked on the slopes to take a picture. Maybe they have only seen black people on TV and in magazines. I remember when I forst got there and a little Japanese boy point to me and said "COCOA GENE, COCOA GENE". Cocoa Gene (sp?) means black foreigner in Japanse.

*giggles* He meant kuro-jin. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Kuroi is the word for the color black in Japanese. (I lived in Japan too!) I've had children stop dead in their tracks at the sight of me, businessmen flirt with me SHAMELESSLY, school boys ask for pictures, and modeled for a local clothing store. It helps when you're 5'8", wear HEELED combat boots and band tees too. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]