Need someone to Validate the beauty of your hair?

When my hair is having a day to itself and not behaving how I'd like it too, I feel like crap. Now on these days, I refuse to be seen by my boyfriend (who is currently overseas). I don't go on cam for him, even if he hasn't seen me in a month. My boyfriend is dutch, and caucasian. I am black. He has never dated a black girl before, and natural hair is new to him. When I first BC'd, he still loved me..but he never commented on my hair. I NEVER ever knew his thoughts on my hair and i wasn't willing to beat it out of him. That's probably why I had low self esteem too. My esteem ties into my hair just a little bit and if my signicant other doesn't seem to approve, it just makes me feel worse.

Today I realize I need validation to feel good about myself and my hair. My boyfriend saw me on cam today and told me my hair was gorgeous. I instantly felt lifted and happy, but something inside of me just thought "You are a sad, sad girl." I shouldn't need my boyfriend or anyone else to tell me or compliment me on my hair to believe its pretty. I wish I could have just believed it myself, on my own.

Haave any of you ever felt the same?

I've constantly wanted someone to tell me my hair is beautiful, or that I'm beautiful. And I always think, man, how sad is that? I need someone else's compliments in order to feel good about myself?

But you know what, the compliments don't help me forever. I guess all I have to do is learn to love my hair and love me. I think right now I'm still struggling with my own self-esteem issues, but that I'm a very, very slowly making progress. I've been praying to God to show me my own beauty and strength. I don't know what you believe in, and please don't be offended when I say that, I just want to tell you what's been helping me.

I'm glad you posted this, because it just kind of brought this out in the open for me, and I hope you do begin to believe, on your own, that your hair is beautiful.

I even joined Christian Club on my Campus and I am Vice president of it, and knowing that I have a relationship with god and I still feel this way about myself is just a little shameful for me. I'm glad to know I'm not alone and that this is a struggle for others too. Good luck to both of us!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to hear that you are beautiful or your hair is beautiful. There is nothing sad about it. It takes time to learn to love yourself with so called flaws and all. It's a process. Do not beat yourself up about it. Work through it.

Begin to speak positively about yourself.

Do not compare your beauty to any elses.

You are unique.

You are God's personal creation. He took time to create you so you are precious and beautiful. We are all 'fearfully and wonderfully made' - fear as in awsomely,and respectfully.

Just take it one step at a time and if you have to shoulder up yourself on a compliment every once in a while then do so until you are able to encourage and uplift yourself.

ok you lovelies have a great weekend. I look forward to talking to you later.

I also suffered with this most of my life.

Not thin enough
not tall enough
nose too big
lips too big
hips to big
waist too big
etc.

I have learned and I'm still learning to love and accept myself.

The things I can change I will work on changing. The things I can't I will learn to accept.

So I understand what you are going through but with prayer and perserverance you will make it through.

Look up scriptures about what God thinks about His creations.

Loved us enough to send His Son.

So I'm thinking I'm Hot Stuff....lol.

There is nothing wrong with that Shee, but there is something wrong when you don't FEEL beautiful unless someone says your are. To me, that's wrong. Thank you for such lovely inspiration. It's way easier said than done for me! It'll take me some time. The fact that you can do this is amazing to me. I find you amazing.

I know its not easy but it can be done. Thanks for the compliment but there is nothing amazing about me. Its all Him.

These things take time. Thats why we are here to support n uplift each other.

hi d-lish. it is natural to want to feel accepted by others. sometimes, especially when you're younger, you seek that validation from others. as long as you are aware of this, you can take the steps to correct it. my suggestion.... take pictures of yourself on the days YOU feel attractive. constantly look at yourself and remember that feeling. once you start accepting and acknowleding your beauty, the less you'll rely on that validation from others.

btw... you guys... we've gone through a lifetime of brainwashing that straight and long is better. our minds won't change overnight. thanks to communities like this one we are taking the right steps to accepting ourselves the way God intended. ----hugs from philly:)

thanks for the hug from philly......yeah i had a bout of hair envy. Which I had a lot when I was younger because my older sisters hair is gorgeous. she has no regimen even when she was relaxed no matter how neglected it would just grow ands its so soft and curl. our curls are the same but her texture is great, I twisted it for her monday night and those feelings from child hood crept right back up. but i am a different person now. yes i would love to have hair likr hers but my hair is just as beautiful. i am yet beautiful inside and out just like God intended.

I'd like to think that I don't need others' validation, but I can't honestly say that when I've had nothing but positive reinforcement from my bf since the day I BCed. It's easy to say you don't need something when you've already had it.

As for hair envy, I don't have it because I purposely transitioned myself mentally by limiting images that would hinder my transition. When I was first transitioning and early on in my journey, the only forum I joined was nappturality and I viewed blogs of naturals who never or rarely straightened (preferably those who had kinkier hair). I also hounded fotkis of women who had hair similar to mine. Although this was somewhat extreme, it helped to surround myself with images of hair that looked like mine, to see the beauty in hair textures that were similar to mine instead of being on sites where the people who were fawned over the most were those who have hair of a certain texture. Now that I'm more secure in my hair, as well as aware of the variety that it offers, I frequent a lot more forums and blogs. I love my hair and wouldn't trade it for anyone else's, even on the days when it takes me hours to detangle (well maybe just on those days). [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

@moni... what you say is very true. once i stopped watching tv and subscribing to magazines, my confidence really took a turn for the better. i am constantly on blogs and fotki's of beautiful natural women. having a community of people to turn to is really important for us.

@sheetacular napps.... omg i have the same story! my sister has a ridiculous thick head of beautiful hair! it grows like weeds and is now at BSL length. i've always secretly envied her hair but remained very supportive of her and would compliment her constantly on her hair. do you know she actually got into an argument with me because i was a little bit too hype over this one haircut that i got when i was permed? that's when i really realized that no matter what, women are constantly comparing and sizing each other up. she was actually jealous that i have no qualms about changing my hair at the drop of a hat. she doesn't feel like she can because she's insecure about her nose. lol this life thing is so hilarious.

This week has surely been "one of those weeks". I took my braids out on Monday and was so tempted to put braids back in because i could not image myself going to school and work with my hair out. I just kept thinking about what everyone else was thinking. I even suggested to myself not going to school or work this week until I got my hair done but my babes shot that idea down early!!!LOL I ended up wearing my natural hair for the 1st time in years on WED to class.... and everyone loved it!!! I know i should care what everyone else thinks but the validation definitely helped ALOT. I got so much positive feedback about my hair, it gave me the encouragement I needed to continue to wear my natural tresses!