Someone recommended I get a perm...

So I've never had a perm/relaxer and having a convo with someone last week pissed me off. The person was telling me I had so much hair and that it would probably good to get a perm, you know for something different, since I've never had one.

I was upset and uncomfortable. I said this and they didn't seem to get it. The person continues I'm just saying you have pretty hair but I would want to see what it looked like with a relaxer and since you have all that hair it might look better.

Usually stuff like this don't bother me but this person has known me since I was 12 and for her to say that, knowing how I am it made me upset.

Idk really more what to say.

A PERM?!!!!

And miss the opportunity for big hair???!

No thanks!

I would've told her she should go natural....

I did, she laughed and said she's perming her hair the next day...

That is the beauty of being natural! You can achieve a straight look without ever having to relax your hair. Very few permies can achieve a big beautiful fro. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Some people are not yet where you/we are in terms of understanding the dangers of relaxers, the reasons why we got them in the first place, and just how damn fly curlies are...NATURALLY!

What people don't seem to understand is that whether you are wearing your hair curly, straight, or you are completely bald...you are wearing your hair the way you want it and the way you think looks good. "It would make it look better"?! i don't think so! I can see your frustration, if she has known you for that long then I'm sure she's seen you in a variety of styles over the years and like AfrikanLatina said, you can wear your hair straight and get the "relaxed-look" if you want it. By now she should know you prefer your hair natural because if you didn't you would have relaxed it a long time ago. Why people feel it's necessary to tell you how THEY think YOU should wear YOUR hair I will never understand. For some reason us curlies are a mystery, they just don't get it...but I think eventually they will.

unreal!! I would straighten it out just to show off the versatility and then rock your curls and tell her NO PERM NEEDED HERE!! thank you very much! I think they feel we can't straighten out hair.. we know better than to do it often..but definitely have that option!! Don't be upset....throw them beautiful curls in her face and smile!

i just have to shake my head...just don't study ur friend. too bad we ain't there to give further reinforcement.

RayMingy wrote:What people don't seem to understand is that whether you are wearing your hair curly, straight, or you are completely bald...you are wearing your hair the way you want it and the way you think looks good. "It would make it look better"?! i don't think so! I can see your frustration, if she has known you for that long then I'm sure she's seen you in a variety of styles over the years and like AfrikanLatina said, you can wear your hair straight and get the "relaxed-look" if you want it. By now she should know you prefer your hair natural because if you didn't you would have relaxed it a long time ago. Why people feel it's necessary to tell you how THEY think YOU should wear YOUR hair I will never understand. For some reason us curlies are a mystery, they just don't get it...but I think eventually they will.

Yeah, that's another thing. I've never said to her that I think she should wear her hair natural even though I think she should, only because her relaxer isn't doing right by her. I don't like messing with ppl's choice. I think it also upset me because she seemed to be "mocking" my convictions of natural hair. She even went as far to note that natural hair is a fad.

sweetdrk1 wrote:unreal!! I would straighten it out just to show off the versatility and then rock your curls and tell her NO PERM NEEDED HERE!! thank you very much! I think they feel we can't straighten out hair.. we know better than to do it often..but definitely have that option!! Don't be upset....throw them beautiful curls in her face and smile!

She has seen my hair straighten too...smh

dajewel wrote:i just have to shake my head...just don't study ur friend. too bad we ain't there to give further reinforcement.

Oh luckily this person isn't really my friend, just someone from my past...

Curly Film Chick wrote:

RayMingy wrote:What people don't seem to understand is that whether you are wearing your hair curly, straight, or you are completely bald...you are wearing your hair the way you want it and the way you think looks good. "It would make it look better"?! i don't think so! I can see your frustration, if she has known you for that long then I'm sure she's seen you in a variety of styles over the years and like AfrikanLatina said, you can wear your hair straight and get the "relaxed-look" if you want it. By now she should know you prefer your hair natural because if you didn't you would have relaxed it a long time ago. Why people feel it's necessary to tell you how THEY think YOU should wear YOUR hair I will never understand. For some reason us curlies are a mystery, they just don't get it...but I think eventually they will.

Yeah, that's another thing. I've never said to her that I think she should wear her hair natural even though I think she should, only because her relaxer isn't doing right by her. I don't like messing with ppl's choice. I think it also upset me because she seemed to be "mocking" my convictions of natural hair. She even went as far to note that natural hair is a fad.

I understand. I don't like infringing my opinions on people's choice either. Yet, ironically, they never have a problem infringing on ours!

Ugh--the fad thing gets on my nerves. A lot of friends in my circle have recently gone natural. I hadn't worn my hair curly in a while, and brought it back two months ago after a year or so of straightening. Someone I knew way back when (and knows my other friends well) ran into me, saw my hair, and with sheer annoyance says: "WHAT? You cut your perm out too?"
LOL

Looking at your avatar, your hair is pretty and looks thick and healthy. I wonder if jealousy/insecurity disguised as "trying to be helpful" is the issue here?

If she makes more "suggestions" I'd thank her for her assvice but say that you are very happy as you are, know what you want and know exactly how to take care of your hair.

Curly Film Chick wrote:

dajewel wrote:i just have to shake my head...just don't study ur friend. too bad we ain't there to give further reinforcement.

Oh luckily this person isn't really my friend, just someone from my past...

wow, and she knows that you two arn't tight like that and STILL insist on pushing her views on you?? really?? ha!

I think that she is envious that she doesnt have luscious full locks like urs...how will it make ur hair look better with a perm?? ppl like that think in a very small box...but please believe she is thinking hard about ur hair and she will prob have a weave in it soon [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

R2D2 wrote:Looking at your avatar, your hair is pretty and looks thick and healthy. I wonder if jealousy/insecurity disguised as "trying to be helpful" is the issue here?

If she makes more "suggestions" I'd thank her for her assvice but say that you are very happy as you are, know what you want and know exactly how to take care of your hair.

thanks,

I'm actually a little annoyed with myself for getting annoyed by this. After it happened I realized it still stayed on my mind. I think it probably was insecurity. I don't wanna trash her or anything so I won't say much more about her. And I've calmed down a bit. But in general how can someone tell you that you would look better conforming?? maybe that's what bothered me.

curly+kinky+fierce wrote:I think that she is envious that she doesnt have luscious full locks like urs...how will it make ur hair look better with a perm?? ppl like that think in a very small box...but please believe she is thinking hard about ur hair and she will prob have a weave in it soon [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

She just took her hair out of extensions, that's why she was about to get another relaxer. So that's for tru.

Thanks ladies for the support, I feel a lot better now that I have vented and have the support.

i think your hair is beautiful...i hope mine looks like that in a couple of years... i have to admit, my self esteem about hair is questionable. i want to got natural but i am scared that i wont look pretty and that i will become the subject of much unwanted discussion...im working on it...but i will not conform...

Offandrunning wrote:i think your hair is beautiful...i hope mine looks like that in a couple of years... i have to admit, my self esteem about hair is questionable. i want to got natural but i am scared that i wont look pretty and that i will become the subject of much unwanted discussion...im working on it...but i will not conform...

thanks for the compliment. I had serious self esteem issues as well and it tied into my hair. Once I went on the journey caring for my hair my self esteem shot up so high and I was so accepting of myself. It's a journey I think, and I'm sure you will look fine and you'll find a lot of support on blogs/forums like these for transitioning so you won't be alone in it!

I agree, your hair is beautiful. She's just not there yet. Perhaps never will be. I remember when I thought hair needed to be pressed to look its best. I am so glad that I am finally embracing my natural and wearing it out in the open. Proudly!

BLAH!! I HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR PEOPLE AND THEIR "YOU SHOULD GET A PERM COMMENTS . Thus I am quick to put them right back in their place.
I would have giving her a "yo mama" and walked away leaving her confused as heck!
but anywho your hair is the ISH!!! TELL HER DONT HATE PARTICIPATE!!

WOW!!! It's amazing how relaxed black women view natural black women!! I would have been slightly offended also but at the same time felt sorry for her....what is "pretty hair" I get that all the time and I am from the south and my family thought I combed a perm through my hair, because it was so "pretty" and curly....Girl I say pay no attention and don't let ignorant folks get to you!

R2D2 wrote:Looking at your avatar, your hair is pretty and looks thick and healthy. I wonder if jealousy/insecurity disguised as "trying to be helpful" is the issue here?

If she makes more "suggestions" I'd thank her for her assvice but say that you are very happy as you are, know what you want and know exactly how to take care of your hair.

curly+kinky+fierce wrote:I think that she is envious that she doesnt have luscious full locks like urs...how will it make ur hair look better with a perm?? ppl like that think in a very small box...but please believe she is thinking hard about ur hair and she will prob have a weave in it soon [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I was thinking this while I read the original post. She's probably just jealous because she doesn't have the full, beautiful NATURAL hair like yours and she's relegated to perms and extensions. Those things are fine and dandy for some and alot of us naturals have been down those paths at one time or another but they weren't meant to be for everyone. On the fad tip that someone else mentioned (didn't hit the quote button), a "friend" of mine went so far as to say my choice to be natural was a fad initiated by my fiance who is locked. My last perm was before he and I got together but if she was really my bff like she was supposed to be....she would have known that. Some people just aren't accepting or confident in themselves, and are jealous like that. I say bring it on!! lol [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Oh yea, and perms by no way shape or form make anyone's hair look better. If anything it will make you look weird lol Looking back at my permie days, that slick-straight mess made my head and face look funny, at least for the first few days. And low-key, alot of people I saw with them looked funny too lol

Offandrunning wrote:i think your hair is beautiful...i hope mine looks like that in a couple of years... i have to admit, my self esteem about hair is questionable. i want to got natural but i am scared that i wont look pretty and that i will become the subject of much unwanted discussion...im working on it...but i will not conform...

is understandable, but remember this: no matter what you do in life (good and bad), someone is always going to try to rain on your parade. just don't study them.

i understand being upset. I had a bantu knot out that I had for like 2 days and on the second day it started to look a little dry but could've been refreshed with some moisturizer and my roommate said to me "you need to wash that thing" I was kinda hurt by that.

people say the stupidest stuff sometimes. when I went to New Orleans to see my family last Thursday I took my wig off infront of my sisters and a house full of other people.and my youngest sister told me to put my wig back on cause she was embarrassed,then she said I looked like a dyke. it didn't bother me much cause my sisters always has something negative to say about me! it's crazy how women put each other down,instead of building each other up!