Kinky haired women have to dress up to look better

The other day I was talking to my friend about hair. She has long red hair that is super thick and has a kinky curly texture. She is Puerto Rican and her sisters have loosely curled black hair, so she feels like the odd one out. She flatirons her hair and said she doesn't feel comfortable wearing her curly hair anymore. So we got into this discussion and she says that she feels like if you don't have "nice" curls or have kinky hair, you need to dress up or wear make up and earrings so you don't look unkempt. That way, if your hair is in a fro, it looks like the fro was done on purpose, not like you rolled out of bed. Was I wrong to be offended by this. I understand we shouldn't look any way, but what got me was when she said that if two people walked into the store, one with straight hair and one with kinky hair, the one with straight hair automatically looks better.

Wow!!!! Unfortunately people do still think this was and it's really sad that she thinks this way and HAS curly hair!!! And No, you are not wrong for feeling offended by that! You have the right to feel how you feel. But that's the way so many people were raised to think. That straight is better, just like some people still sadly think that lighter skin is better!! I think that some people will ALWAYS think like that and there's nothing we can do. You just keep on doin you and don't let it get to you that much!!!

Thanks misskris. I can understand where she's coming from in that she has so much hair that it can be a lot of work to take care of while curly, but if your not willing to learn and maintain ignorant views then there's not really much anyone can say to change your mind.

Janique wrote:Thanks misskris. I can understand where she's coming from in that she has so much hair that it can be a lot of work to take care of while curly, but if your not willing to learn and maintain ignorant views then there's not really much anyone can say to change your mind.

That's so true.. I can't stand for someone to constantly complain about something and not make any changes toward it. Thing is she's so different (in a good way) but it's up to her to see that.

It reminds me of the perception that straight hair is the default when you dress up for a formal event, a wedding (yours or a family/friend) or something similar. The fro, BAA, "wild hair" look is OK if you're casual, cool, funky, hitting the streets of NYC or London - sort of avant garde in a way.

Is it really that different though when women who first BC are told to wear earrings and other jewelry, makeup, etc to look or feminine with the super short TWA?

Unfortunately Janique, people often buy into the negative images and perceptions they are taught. It sounds like she has always been told she is inferior because of her hair. And when people feel that way, they are always looking for someone they think is "worst" off then them.

Look at the African American community, sometimes intercultural prejudices are worst then what people outside put on us. I know people who refuse to give up using the "N" word but would pop a brain vessel if called that by another race. I can't tell you not to feel offended because only you know your feelings. But my initial thought is "Wow, she (your friend) really doesn't have a good self-image".

Send her to Nikki's positive self-image Thursdays.

CarlaAR wrote: Is it really that different though when women who first BC are told to wear earrings and other jewelry, makeup, etc to look or feminine with the super short TWA?

That's a good question too. Women who have the BC are often told to dress themselves up more to feel better about their hair in a sense.

@Madeaj It makes me wonder too about her self-image.

@strawberri I do realize it's her preference and it's fine she wants to wear it straight, but when she says things to me like o you should wear earrings and comments about kinky hair when I have kinky hair, I can't help but to feel a little offended, especially when she offers to "slick" my hair back and flatiron it. She has complemented my hair, but it makes me feel like she thinks I look busted if my hairs not done up.

You shouldn't be so offended - maybe feel sorry for your friend for thinking this about herself because that's where she gets the assumption from.

@ strawberri and emartini I agree with both you statements....I just tend to be a little touchy on the issue of hair because of the negativity I initially received from my parents...I'm just not going to discuss that topic with her anymore lol

she is ignorant point blank period it must be in the water because today i was talking to this random girl at the gym and she asked me about my hair i told her it was a wig and im transitioning so i'm not dealing with my hair much , this braud told me i must have "good hair " to go natural especially being dark skin i will look like a run away slave with nappy hair smh .... i was speechless but i told her a few words Society has programmed people "especially our own kind that dark skin kinky hair is inferior to even curly hair and light skin black people let along comparing to straight hair and white women i blame our society standard of beauty for this inferiority complex but i think beauty standards are meant to be broken and if we all looked the same the world would be super boring !

The unpopular opinion:

I apoligize in advance if I offend anyone because that is not my intent...

I believe that there is a difference between naturals who wear their hair neat and there are some who hair does look unkempt. Natural does not mean wild and untamed (even though I have seen some bad ass wild styles)

I have seen plenty of women with straight hair who look like they just rolled out of the bed so it is not exclusive to hair type. I have seen neat fros and I have seen fros that look just like the person just rolled out of bed. A lot of make up and earrings is like a perfume shower...it is a poor cover up.

I have heard people around the community say that natural hair is not deemed as professional and that is not the case. I am sure that Nikki was never accused of not looking profession because she looks neat.

That sounds a bit dumb...and it's too bad she feels that way when I'm sure she has gorgeous hair...
Oh well... Just tell her you do not feel the same way and keep it moving...