Finding Beauty Within Myself Not My Hair

Hi all!

I decided to go natural a couple of weeks ago, when I received a relaxer that burned my scalp so badly that I cried! The main reason for my tears was because after all of that pain, the perm didn't "take" and I knew it would be another 4-6 weeks before I could even think about getting another relaxer. What was I going to do with my hair for 6 weeks, besides wear a god awful wig! Initially, I thought I would stop getting relaxers but start to get blow outs so that I could still have "straight" hair, but I want to learn how to embrace my beauty with my hair in it's total natural state. I am almost embarrased to say that I am one of those people who equates beauty with having a "fly" hairstyle and when my hair isn't "done," I'm not as confident a person. However over the past couple of weeks after reading different blogs, I am feeling more confident about the process but I still don't know where to start and I'm soooo scared of the "BC." Right now I am where a "sew-in" until I have enough new growth to do the "BC." But I also feel like by doing this I am trying to hold onto my last few weeks of straight hair and I'm scared that after I take this out I may break down and get another relaxer.

I would appreciate any direction, encouragement and personal stories anyone has to share!

Thanks a bunch,
Heather

Hey Heather,

Don't feel bad for wanting to look fly. Everybody feels better when they know they look good but you can look good with natural hair too. If you look at all of the avatars on this site, you'll see so many beautiful styles and they are all very different. You have to commit to wanting this for yourself because the learning process isn't necessarily easy. If you aren't committed, at the first sight of frustration, you'll run for the relaxer. You'll also have to endure discouragement from other people that can't relate to natural hair objectives and that doesn't exactly help you to build confidence. I think most of us have dealt with apprehension at some point but once you get the hang of things, you will love it! Being natural is the most liberating thing for me. I was bold and did the BC and you couldn't tell me anything! It felt so good! Of course that isn't for everybody but there are many things you can do while transitioning. You can wear two-strand twists, braids, cornrows, twist/braid outs, press n curl...all of these can be a little frustrating because you're managing two completely different hair textures at the same time but when you learn how to finagle the products, they look great! You can also go the weave/wig/braid route. You have plenty of options. There are more books out there on the subject than you could imagine and websites and blogs dedicated to being natural are plentiful. Look around and keep using this forum for your questions and concerns. Reach out to people who have been there! Try it for a while. You could always go back to relaxers later if it isn't working out for you but you have to give it a chance first. We are here for you!

It sounds like you're on the right track: you've reading fotki's and blogs of other naturals. I say keep reading and educating yourself on natural hair. That's very important and it helped me from going back to the relaxers. Also, have patience with your hair. As you go through your transition it will change and once you're totally natural, your hair will look diffrent as well. Another thing that has helped me is to focus my energy on other activities so I don't obsess about my hair and get impatient about the slow growth. Keep at it. Give it some time. Don't be afraid to experiment with styles and good hair products to see what works best for you. Good luck and keep us posted.

congratulations on your decision!! you will find going natural is an amazing journey because you will truly see the beauty that is you!! your hair can still look fly in its natural state. in fact, natural hair has more versatility than permed hair.

well, if you are afraid of the BC how about transitioning?? I do know that a lot of transitioners tend to bc sooner than they expected. Nonetheless, everybody is different. also, have you thought of any styling methods that would allow you grow out your perm?? perhaps a twist-out? as others have stated, it will take some time to manage the two textures and listen to your hair. taking care of natural hair requires a different mindset/hair regimen than relaxed hair. once you give it proper TLC, your natural hair will thrive better than when its relaxed.

as for the ill comments, you will get them, but that's ok. no one is expected to be the same. you are YOU and they are THEM...so just do you. for every one ill comment, you will plenty of positive comments. also, i have found that a lot of men(white, black, asian, spanish, etc) REALLY find naturals sexy. on a whole, be ready to be noticed all of the time because of your hair; the spotlight will always be on you and so SHINE!!

please keep us posted!! and don't be afraid to reach out if you are needing advice, suggestions, commentary, etc.

Thanks ladies for all of the love and advice. I got a little frustrated this week with my hair and almost slipped but I came to this sight and read all of the archived blogs and you all's comments. Now I have the eye of the tiger. So much so that I've been snipping little pieces of the relaxed hair everyday. I'm so anxious to be totally natural, but I do realize how important patience is in this process. I'm going to take some pictures and post them for you guys.

TTYL,
Heather