Kea::Curls

you and honey look wonderful!!!

I'm thinking about washing my hair today & putting some more twists in today...i think i'm starting to get the hang of this twisting thing. lol.

I know I am starting to feel the same exact way!!

I pulled her aside just to talk about how wonderful her hair was, and resisted asking for a pic. lol.

I bet it was gorgeous!!!

Your twistout is freakIN cUte!

You look so beautiful! You two look wonderful together, I'm glad you had a great time.

Good morning

Thanks ladies for the compliments. My boyfriend and i have been together for over 2 yrs (we've known each other for 4 yrs now) and he is my best friend. This is a non-hair related question, but since many of you are happily married or are professional women in a mature relationship...i wanted to know your opinion:

When do you think it is too young (or the optimal age) to get married? If you're not sure, you can at least let me know of your personal experience... Oh! and if you're not married, i'd still love to hear what you think!

I'm asking, not because I'm trying to rush into things...But because my parents have been bringing this topic up to me lately. I don't want to influence your opinion, so i'll tell you what they said & what I think afterwards

.: BUT :. onto my hair...

nothing fancy today, i co-washed my hair yesterday with Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Threat (picked up @ TJMaxx) and then used Giovanni Direct Leave-In. My hair looooved it! lol. So today, i'm just going to revive & probably put a head band on or something...maybe even pick out my fro. It's up in the air, but I have class in an hour, so ta-ta!

Hey kea! Lovely hair as usual!

In response to your question I'm actually going on 4 years with my bf (now fiance) but we've been friends since we were in 6th grade. I'm about to graduate college and we plan to get married sometime next yr. We're both young, in love and live together and we haven't rushed the marriage thing, much to the dismay of my family. I would say don't rush it, take your time and don't put pressure on yourself. Getting married younger or older seems to be a choice that no one can really make but you. I have friends who are much older who don't have it together to be married, and then I have my friends and cousins who married at 20 and are still with their spouses (my cousins have been with their's for 12 yrs). So it depends.

Hope that helps! I often thought about your question as well!

Kea, your hair was beautiful for the banquet. You and your Bf look good together

Kea::curls wrote:When do you think it is too young (or the optimal age) to get married? If you're not sure, you can at least let me know of your personal experience... Oh! and if you're not married, i'd still love to hear what you think!

I'm asking, not because I'm trying to rush into things...But because my parents have been bringing this topic up to me lately. I don't want to influence your opinion, so i'll tell you what they said & what I think afterwards

My husband and I started dating when we were 23/24. We got married at 27. I don't think there is an age-but I know there is a feeling. We both agree that we were meant for each other and although we knew that-we took our time approaching marriage. We both agree that marriage is nothing to play with.
My grandparents got married a few years out of high school and their marriage was one to admire. So for them-they were ready. At the age, I wasn't. I hadn't even seen the inside of a club yet, LOL. It sucks when people outside the relationship bring up topics like marriage and kids. We are getting the kid question now and honestly-pestering makes me not want to do something.

Kea, I'm 22 and just got married; hubby is 24. My mom was scared $hi!less for me and hubby and wanted us to wait until I was 25 (her optimal age) because she herself married my dad younger (19) and it didn't end well. I think my challenge was showing my mother that, while I was madly in love, I didn't have unrealistic expectations. Sure, my husband thoroughly irritates me on occasion, but I'd rather it only be him.... LOL

Seriously, I personally believe that as long as the two people involved are ready to work together through trials and triumphs, age shouldn't matter too much... but it's something that should be done when YOU feel you're ready to take on that responsibility...

Kea, I hadnt told you but I love the new avatar. I love the way your earring looks like it is having a party. LOL!!

On to the marriage question...In my personally experience, I was not ready to marry right out of college. I was still getting to know myself. I was dating a guy at the time and enjoying it but as I began to learn more about myself, our goals in life began to go in opposite directions.

I got married at the age of 27. At that point, I was definitely ready. I'd always thought 25 was the optimal age for marriage but it wasnt for me. So I said all of that to say this. I would not base it on age but on maturity and if you are 100% sure you are ready. The decision is totally yours.

Kea::curls wrote:Thanks ladies, HAPPY MLK DAY!!!

I must say that I'm happy with my twist out. Since the twists were smaller this time, my hair was less stretched out (shorter looking). But I like that it caused my hair to lay closer to my head & I think that it came out more curly looking, whereas it was kind of wavy last time. It was also easier to cover up the parts! I'm thinking about washing my hair today & putting some more twists in today...i think i'm starting to get the hang of this twisting thing. lol.

Here's a pic of me and my love, from the big night:



Oh, i had a black headband in my head...so that's a feather (not my hair) sticking up on the left side

Also, i was happy to see other naturals at the banquet! There were locs, twists, puffs, and my favorite of the night: a beautiful woman with locs that had been curled & were pinned up into an elegant updo! I pulled her aside just to talk about how wonderful her hair was, and resisted asking for a pic. lol.

I don't know how I missed this but WOW!!! You look beautiful and you both look so cute together.

I got married when I was 25. I had just finished pharmacy school (5 yr program) and had just stepped out on my own (my own place) when he proposed. We actually saw each other grow up going to the same church since we were little children but began dating about 2 yrs prior to marriage. I agree with the other women, maturity does play a role. However, I feel that marriage counseling is extremely important prior to saying "yes or I do". Living with each other having an understanding of males and females and the difference in the way we think and communicate, our needs, our priorities, our purposes. All this just as male and female. Then getting more specific in each other's love languages, what makes him, and you, feel special thru each other's own eyes. Then there are issues that arise in marriage that need to be address prior to marriage. Money issues, children issues, sex issues, religion issues, everything needs to be discussed. When I was dating him and we started to talk about marriage, I started thinking to myself I need to prepare for this just as I would any subject of interest. Just like studying for a test, or studying to get a career, or buying a new car or home. I had to do my research. So we spoke to other married couples we respect and love, went to marriage seminars, we read some books and we asked each other several questions and had several discussions. Not everything we discussed we agreed with each other, but the things we disagreed on we both could live with it thru compromise. And this is not to say after all your research that your relationship will not have issues once you come together, but things won't get out of control, when you do.(I can write a book on that )
Some feel young people under 25 are too young for various reasons. But I think the most important thing for anyone to understand before they get married, no matter what the age, is that love is a choice. And also that one should not get married just out of mere love. Love will not pay the bills . I will also say this, I would suggest that young poeple definitely wait until they finish college to get married. My father use to always say " You can't burn the candle on both ends." At least get the Bachelors, if not the advanced education, in your single phase of life. That is important because undue stress comes when you try to do it all at once and phases overlap. I believe there are different phases of life and that there is a time and place for everything. And school and marriage is one of those phases that should not merge in my eyes. (not to say you can't be successful or other couples have not been successful) I just think it's alot easier to concentrate on one heavy subject at a time.

(sorry for the book )

Ditto counseling!! So many couples need it and don't do it. And I am talking real world- the ugly side of marriage- type counseling. Every day is not sunshine and rainbows. I think a lot of people go into marriage thinking that life is always going to be easy....it's not. You really have to compromise on more things than you can imagine. I am a firm believer in Eph 5:22-25, if you love each other in that way...you can't be touched!

Intelligentbeauty and Tia said it and said it well!! You MUST have counseling with a certified, licensed counselor. I dont know about in your area but here, there are some pastors who meet with couples for an hour or two, read some scriptures and call that counseling. That is not gonna help you when your husband keeps leaving his socks all over the house (oops, I got a little personal...LOL!) But I know you understand what we are saying.

Lynnieluve wrote:That is not gonna help you when your husband keeps leaving his socks all over the house (oops, I got a little personal...LOL!) But I know you understand what we are saying.

Tell it!!!!! Whoo....or his shoes for me to trip over!

tiashauntee wrote:

Lynnieluve wrote:That is not gonna help you when your husband keeps leaving his socks all over the house (oops, I got a little personal...LOL!) But I know you understand what we are saying.

Tell it!!!!! Whoo....or his shoes for me to trip over!

Or when you discover what his definition of "clean" is..... LOL

We could go on and on, I think!

lol. i'm in between classes right now getting my CN "fix" & am enjoying all of your comments! i will definitely have to get back to you ladies later, but thanks for all of your responses!

Hey Kea,

I got married when I was 20 and I never thought about my age. I just knew "IT" felt right. Like the other ladies stated marriage is not a Hallmark commerical. The most important thing is to know that you will always be working on your marriage. I agree with Intelligentbeauty, marriage counseling is a great preparation step (I didn't do it myself but I believe that it is a great help). Don't assume that you will change a man or discuss issues that are important to you when they come up, this is always a road block or dead end idea. Marriage is a beautiful blessing so whenever you do it make sure you are doing it for yourself and future spouse and not anyone else.

Like the other ladies said you wont learn everything in counseling about your mate but starting out with a solid foundation will help you when you encounter all the "pesty" issues that are SURE to come up!

Have a good day

Kea, I hope we didnt run you away with our answers to you question. Where are you?!!!

WHERE DID YOU GO? COME BAAAACCCKKK!!!

KC - I say don't rush it, the two of you will know when the time is right.

Personally, I got married fairly young 20 I believe - now here it is 20 years later we are still together. I will celebrate my 21st wedding anniversary this Sept.

I FOUND HER!!! I FOUND HER!!!

http://keacurls.blogspot.com/

She has her owm blog now!!!

Good job!!

Thanks for letting us know IB! I just checked it out and her blog is pretty tight

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all of your responses to the marriage question & for everyone who reached out to me!!!

I apologize for ::disappearing:: &&& No you didn't "run me off" with the answers to the marriage question. lol. Reading about your experiences were actually very helpful because out of all of my family and friends there are very few examples of happy marriages for me to look to. Given my family's history...sometimes i fear that we are "cursed" in the marriage department. But, I do want to get married one day when I'm sure I'm ready...of course that entire story is for another day

Anyways...back to the main point...where have i been?!?

Well to (try) to make a long story short...my entire life has been turned upside (in my eyes) because I'm thinking of changing my major, my career & my life (with less than 2 semesters before graduation!) To put it frankly, I'm freaking out!!! I have always loved animals and wanted to be a veterinarian since I was 4...But I'm not sure I want to sacrifice everything that I would need to in order to be a Vet (being in school until I'm 28, post-poning starting my career, and who knows when I'd even "have time" to start a family...) I'd sum it up as having "near-end-of-bachelor-degree-crisis." Since I'm not graduating until December 2010 (which is actually an entire semester later than expected), I've had the convenience of putting these thoughts off. But its all becoming SO real & my friends are graduating this semester & I'm trying to figure out where I"m going to live & how I will support myself next year.

When looking at all of my strengths & my passion for helping people, I think I am actually well suited for becoming a teacher. So many of my teachers in school made such an impact on my life. I'm hoping maybe I can teach middle school biology (my favorite subject)...but I could really see myself working in either elementary or high school as well. Soooo...I've been on "my hustle" lately researching about a Master's of Education and/or Teach for America...there's so many possibilities & my head is spinning!

Oh yeah, and my hair is growing too...

Well, it's our official "spring break"...but I stayed in town to work. So I don't want to spend too much time on the forums... I will try to stop by as many of your pages as I can today! I probably won't be a very frequent "post"-er (def not every day)...but I'll do my best!

Here's an "old" twist out...

Kea::curls wrote:Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all of your responses to the marriage question & for everyone who reached out &&& contacted me thru fotki, facebook & on my blog!!! Special thanks to Intelligent Beauty for reminding me that the challenge would be ending soon...so I could drop in and speak with you all again, before its too late

I apologize for ::disappearing:: & appreciate ALL of the concern. No you didn't "run me off" with the answers to the marriage question. lol. Reading about your experiences were actually very helpful because my parents have been divorced for as long as I remember. Out of all of my family and friends (and their parents), there are very few examples of happy, successful marriages for me to look to. Given my family history...sometimes i fear that we are "cursed" in the marriage department. But, I do want to get married one day when I'm sure I'm ready...of course that entire story is for another day...

Anyways...back to the main point...where have i been?!?

Well, to make a long story short...my entire life has been turned upside (in my eyes) because I'm thinking of changing my major, my career & my life (with less than 2 semesters before graduation!) To put it frankly, I'm freaking out!!! I have always loved animals and wanted to be a veterinarian since I was 4...But I'm not sure I want to sacrifice everything that I would need to in order to be a Vet (being in school until I'm 28, post-poning starting my career, and who knows when I'd even "have time" to start a family...) I'd sum it up as having "near-end-of-bachelor-degree-crisis." Since I'm not graduating until December 2010 (which is actually an entire semester later than expected), I've had the convenience of putting these thoughts off. But its all becoming SO real & my friends are graduating this semester & I'm trying to figure out where I"m going to live & how I will support myself next year.

When looking at all of my strengths & my passion for helping people, I think I am actually well suited for becoming a teacher. So many of my teachers in school made such an impact on my life. I'm hoping maybe I can teach middle school biology (my favorite subject)...but I could really see myself working in either elementary or high school as well. Soooo...I've been on "my hustle" lately researching about a Master's of Education and/or Teach for America...there's so many possibilities & my head is spinning!

Oh yeah, and my hair is growing too...

Well, it's our official "spring break"...but I stayed in town to work. So I don't want to spend too much time on the forums... I will try to stop by as many of your pages as I can today! I probably won't be a very frequent "post"-er (def not every day)...but I'll do my best!

Here's an "old" twist out...

First off--YAY!!! Great to hear from you again chica!!!!

I, too, went through a "crisis"--mine happened 2nd semester of my junior year and I switched completely to becoming an education major. There's been hiccups along the way, but it's been the best decision I've ever made for myself. It derailed my graduation a YEAR (ugh!), but I would not change the experiences I've had with my kids for anything. I think it has made a stronger, much more patient, and fulfilled individual.

I also have a buddy who did TFA who thought afterwards was going to start law school... long story short she went back to school alright and got her masters in Math Education!!! She couldn't be happier =)