1 Year natural. *Really* Struggling HELP!

It's so hard. So hard. I want to cry. I actually am crying because I am so hopelessly exasperated. I nearly went back to the creamy crack today, but I found this website which I am hoping will help me keep the faith.

Is there anyone out there who could offer some help? Some kind words. Something to keep me going on?

I live in London, United Kingdom, but I am originally a Philly girl. I have been wearing extensions since I was 18- mostly braids. I initially did this so that my hair would grow to an acceptable length. This has only worked successfully once-- when I spent 2 years wearing those really big "dookie" braids. My hair grew so long. I didn't even have to relax it, but I did for some reason. At that same period of my life I lost 30 pounds and was exercising every day. I was living in Sydney Australia. I went swimming in the ocean every day. I looked and felt wonderful. I didn't even care that I had no man in my life. LOL

Last year my boyfriend encouraged me to go natural. He has been my biggest champion of going natural. He loves running his hand through my natural hair. So going natural was a HUGE step for me. So I stopped relaxing my hair. I kept getting extensions but I wasn't relaxing in-between. My relaxed ends have broken off. I have taken my extensions out for the holidays. I feel disappointed with my hair growth. After 1 year this is it?

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What is so difficult is that there is NO WAY I could go into work like this. How do you girls reconcile your professional life with your hair? I'm a company director at a place where the only other black person is the cleaner. How can I be natural yet maintain my professional image? Does anyone else have this problem?

Please look at my hair. What can I do with it? What sort of style can I do? I feel really upset, because I feel like there is NOTHING I can do except wear extensions. I can't pull it back into a pony tail. I can't do anything.

If your hair looked like mine, what would you do with it?

I am reluctant to go back to the extensions because there is part of me that knows that it is damaging my hair as well. It's always two steps forwards, one step back. There is always breakage at the side and front. My hairdresser doesn't want braid my hair anymore because my natural hair is too hard to manage. "Next time you come in we do a perm first!" So I am scared to go back. I know there are thousand of other places to get my hair done, but because I'm a foreigner I tend to be shy about seeking out new places.

I'm not sure what grade my hair is. It seems wooly all over except for the back which is curly. I have more shrinkage than a cold penis at a swimming pool!

Should I just go back to the extensions for now?

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(with extensions)

What does your current regimen consist of? and what products are you using?

Hello NylaCoils,

Thank you for your reply.

I do not have a regimen, per se.

My hair was in braids until 2:00AM this morning. My regimen for the braids was:
1. Wash every 10 days. Air dry.
2. Every other day moisturize with Olive Oil Hair Moisturizing lotion.
3. Once per week top up with oil sheen.

So that was it. Not much to do, really.

Can you go to work with small twists?

Hmm maybe. Twists have never been my thing but maybe it's time to look into it.

Thank you for the suggestion.

Don't be idscouraged. Natural hair is work. Listen to your hair and it will tell you what needs to be done for it to flourish. There is lots of advise here and me and the other girls here will be more than welcome to help you.
And girl your man supports you, so hold on and be strong!!

My transitioning hair is about your length. I've been wearing perm rod sets and bantu knot outs. I also work in corporate America and haven't felt out of place when wearing them. Your hair will take some getting used to, but you've come to the right place. These women are like hair wizards ... they have advice for EVERYTHING!

AngiePie

Stay in the Game! You can't win from the sidelines. First, FIRE your hairdresser, NOW!!!! Seriously, do not go back to her, EVER! She isn't with the program, doesn't want to get with the program and is a stumbling block for you. She told you she doesn't want to do your hair without relaxing it and this is an opportunity to learn how to do it yourself so you can monitor your next stylist.
Maybe you can find a wig that you like to give youself some time relax and explore your options. Try not to get overwhelmed with what you see on the internet.

You are a Philly Girl and you will survive!

Thank you Abba,

The front of my hair is trying to tell me, "No more braids, please!" I think that small braids at the front and sides of your hair must do quite a bit of damage. The back of my head flourishes when I have braids, but the front does not. Why can't my hair in the front grow like it does in the back?

Thank you Jessi. Although there isn't a huge difference between Corporate America and "Corporate Britain" I think there are some nuances. My general feeling is that America is much more accepting than the UK when it comes to black hair styles.

I am thinking about going back to this style:
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It is braided, but the braids are bigger and I don't have to worry about breakage as munch. The braids are loose at the ends so it doesn't have as much of a dated 90's look. Also, I think it is corporate friendly and not too much of a shocking new look.

What do you think?

Jessi, how long have you been transitioning?

have your tried a twist out yet???

Angie if I were you I would wear a wash n go with the headband you have on in your profile picture.

Just shampoo and condition it. Use a really thick conditioner and leave it in for 30-45 mins under a shower cap. rinse it out and let your hair's natural curly deliciousness do its thing. Add a little oil to it, but not too much. You don't need to do a whole lot it.
It already looks cute in your avatar picture, you just need a little pizzazz. You'll be fine

Don't give up, I think you need to get to know your hair. Roller/rod sets should work. Twist/twistouts all of which should be fine. I am a manager for Verizon with frequent contact with the executives. When it was super short, in twist as well as rocking it big! Please check out
my natural hair pics maybe something there will help with the professional look

AngiePie wrote:

I'm not sure what grade my hair is. It seems wooly all over except for the back which is curly. I have more shrinkage than a cold penis at a swimming pool!

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(with extensions)

I know this is a serious post, but the bolded line cracked me up. I almost spit out my coffee at work.

But, on a more serious note, I have struggled with how to wear my hair to work too, and it was more about length than texture. When I had a twa, it was easy to look sleek and professional, but as my hair grew out I had some difficulties feeling as professional. Most of the people at my job didn't care either way, but I felt I had some styling issues. I didn't feel comfortable going to work with my twists, so most of the time I wore a curly fro. If you don't feel comfortable, maybe you should get extensions to get you through the awkward phase. Then, you can wear twist-outs or bantu knot-outs and feel more polished.

My avatar pic is a twist-out done on wet hair and the people at my job really loved it. My boss complimented me on it twice in one day. Sometimes, what we think people perceive as unprofessional, is really just an assumption. You look just as beautiful without your extensions as you do with your extensions, the only difference is that you seem a lot happier. Confidence goes a long way!

Natural hair is very versatile. That's the beauty of it. You can do a lot of different things with it. Research natural hairstyles on YouTube and the web and you'll have a better idea of what you can do with it. People have mentioned certains styles already-twists, twistouts, braids, braidouts, bantu knots, bantu knot outs, curly fros, picked out fros, blown out fros, buns, updos, locs-it's nearly endless.

1. For now, rock the headband to work (like in your profile pic), but wash or wet your hair and apply a products for moisture and definition. Check out the "products" threads on this site for recommendations.

2. Go to a barber to get a trim so your hair is even and shaped into a cute afro. Also use something for moisture and curl definition

3. Rod sets

4.Twist-outs

5. Have you considered locs or sisterlocs?

6. Search YouTube.com for styles and tips

Hope that helps. Hang in there! It's worth it.

Oh yeah! Wet or wash ur hair, slick it back into a ponytail with gel. Add a hairpiece/ponytail if needed. That would be nice for work.

Also I would suggest you go the Curly-Meet Up board and try to find some other natural ladies in your area. It's always good to have someone to call or who can relate to you. Also try to find a natural salon in your area and if you do a meet up, that new friend can help you with your hair as well. But trust you've found a great site and a lot of advice. Don't give up yet!

Protective styling are great ways to acheve great lengths but you also have to care for your hair underneath it all i find that with braids it's harder to do but not impossible how do you feel about cornrows as protective styles and wigs ? i have been wearing wigs for 10 months of my transition , my hair is washed every 2 weeks , spritz with water daily and sealed every 2 to 3 days this routine seems to work for me i get to satisfy my need to change styles , and be playful , all while my hair is protected and cared for properly to maximize my growth
You need to also Deep condition each time you wash your hair adding some EVOO = Extra virgin olive oil and organic honey to your conditioner will help with moisture and moisturize hair equals length retention , you can also Try to DC with avocado , honey and evo , or banana , honey and evo , that works wonders on my hair
Are you using a leave in conditioner ? you should be and you can add castor oil , aloe vera juice to it to maximize your moisture
Also stay away from products with mineral oil , parabens and sulfates those chemicals are very drying to natural hair
Sorry about the long comments i had a lot to say lol

Angiepie, I have no advice to give except to hang in there. We all have our moments of weakness and insanity! I did most of my experimenting over the weekend just to look halfway presentable during the week. Now you asked that if I had your hair what would I do? I would flat twist the first half and leave the back curly or smooth down the front and put on a headband and leave the back out. Since the front of your face is the first thing people see, I really made an effort to make that part of my hair look extra nice. Many times we are too hard on ourselves. What we think is not cute actually does not look too bad! There are tons of youtube videos featuring ladies that have your length! And as always, YOU HAVE US!

I've only been in transition for 5 months. Around month 2, I wore microbraids for about a month and a half. My original plan was to braid my way through transition, but I got really nervous about losing hair around my edges. So, my plan has altered from braid for a couple of months with a week or two in between to braids for a couple of months, with a month or two break in between ... lol.

If you're already suffering severe breakage around your hairline from the braids, I wouldn't get anymore for awhile ... big, small, or otherwise. From what I hear, the best thing to do to grow your edges back is to keep them oiled and leave them alone.

Some people struggle with the transition more than others. It's been hard for me. My hair seems to be VERY kinky, and trying to blend it with this relaxed hair has been a beast. Just try to find some styles that you can maintain yourself in case you can't find a stylist that you can trust with your hair. My mom does hair, but she's not really on-board with my transition so I've had to do my hair myself. I've been most successful with bantu knots ... but they take FOREVER to dry. Perm rod sets work, too. I still haven't mastered getting my roots straight with those though. Go through YouTube and watch some videos.

Ok ... I'm rambling, so I'm going to hit 'Send' now. Good luck!

oh sweetheart just give it time. I was just like u ready to snap and not seeing no progress in the 1st year. Dont worry ur hair will grow and as long as u show is the tender loving care she needs, she will as well be healthy. There is so many styles u can wear if u want a PS. It's a journey, trust me, i know!

As for ur job....they will get over it!!! When i first start rocking the natural to work (3 black girls one relaxed, one weave-able, and me...natural ), everybody had their two cents to put in about my hair. Making up songs, saying my hair look like a pom pom, asking me if i comb my hair..in front of everybody at a work meeting!!!! Now that i think about it she better be glad i aint snap and cuss her a$$ out...but thats another story...lol. But i got over it and they got over it too...now they love my hair. I just roll my eyes and keep it moving.

I hope this help sweetie

Thanks for all of your kind words. I feel like I have narrowed down my issues.

1. This is the longest I've gone in my life without straightening my hair. It's different and a bit scary, but I think it's the venturing into the unknown part that seems the most scary.

2. I really LOVE the texture of my hair. What I hate is the length. If my hair were twice as long I feel like I would have more options.

3. I am making progress with my hair but it is S L O W. I have a LOT of shrinkage. I finally mustered up the courage to blow out my hair (I'm tender headed and it hurt like a mutha!). The blow out made me realize that my hair is growing but I just have a lot of shrinkage. See photo blow of my hair blown out.

Lots of shrinkage
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Blown out [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Once I blew out my hair then I was actually able to pull part of it back: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

4. So now I feel like I have more options for my hair. I just felt so utterly frustrated this morning when I couldn't do anything. I couldn't comb through it. I couldn't pull it back. All I could do was put in a headband. Reading all your replies and going through this forum really helped.

5. I will probably continue transitioning with braids/extensions for another 6 months to a year. I guess earlier today I was getting anxious to get rid of them all together.

Thank you kind ladies for all of your kind words and suggestions. I was --> THIS CLOSE <--- to relaxing my hair today. I'm glad I stuck it through.

hey there, curly!!!!!!!

you came to the right place!!! this is an amazing, vibrant space with so many naturals from all walks of life from all over the world!!! we want to help you cuz trust we have been where you are right now not (too?) long ago.

firstly, do NOT got back to your stylist. do NOT!! you will begin to realize as you do your hair that most stylists do not understand how to hander our hair with tlc, with the right techniques and the 'right' products. the more you do your own hair, the more you hear about horror stories at the salon, the more you will be ok with the thought that most stylists need not touch your hair...EVER.

also, you are very blessed to have your bf 100% encouraging. He is your cheerleader, and that right there is a reminder that he sees the possibilities of how your God given hair should and will flourish with the proper care.

caring for our hair is relatively easy. someone asked about your regimen, and from the looks of it your regimen doesn't address the basics of proper hair care of our hair: moisture (water or something like it should be touching your hair daily or throughout the week...throw out the notion that water is kryptonite to our hair), condition (a good deep condition, styler and daily conditioner will do the trip...my favs our herbal conditioners, coupled with an egg and ayurvedic herbs), sealing in the moisture (u can do this with oils and butters when styling and after daily/weekly addition of moisture) and protection (sleep with a silk/satin headwrap, pillowcase and/or bonnet).

right now ur hair is fragile, fragile (did u use a heat protectant when blowdrying?), and u need to handle with exceptional tlc when cleansing, conditioning and styling. With that being said, u can try a wash and go, making sure to add a leave-in underneath the gel. i would definitely encourage u forego heat until your hair is healthy and thriving....I haven't used heat for 3 years

i do also encourage two strand twists. when my hair was about your length i lived and died in twists (and I still do). I have some older pics with hair even shorter.

with your hair blown out u can do flat twists. they don't take as much time as two strand twists, look very chic and dainty. i like to do two, both starting from the front and ending in the back. there are some great youtube videos to show how to get the style.

Careful with the heat for blow-outs. You don't want your hair to get dried out or start breaking off. Heat damage would set you back.

I agree with everyone and will suggest that you get a good hair cut or trim it will make styling easier. Secondly, this is the regimen that I follow, I hope that it works for you:
Step 1: Balance moisture and protein in your products (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/278612/the_fine_art_of_protein_and_moisture.html?singlepage=true&cat=69)
Step 2 : do a ACV clarifying rinse (2 TBS ACV in 1 cup H20) to remove any product build up.
Step 3: shampoo with a non SLS shampoo ( there are many inexpensive ones such as TJ nourish spa, Giovanni etc )
Step 4. Deep condition with a non SLS conditioner ( there are many inexpensive ones such as TJ nourish spa, Giovanni SAS etc )
Step 5: apply a good leave in conditioner, then seal with EVCO, or EVOO or shea butter
Step 6, apply styler
Step 7: repeat weekly