The Trouble With Transitioning: The One Year Mark

So tomorrow it will be one year since I had a relaxer. In the beginning of my journey I flat ironed my hair for every week and this year after getting a horrible haircut before heading back to school (it was at least an inch shorter on the left thanks to my (former) beautician) I decided heat would be very limited this year. I began doing rollers set and let them air dry, and there was the rare flat ironing of my hair when I thought it would be raining so I didn't want my curly fro to turn into a big puff.

Well now that I flat iron my hair every blue moon I have to endure the criticism of people (my Mom) obsessed with the "correct" hair look. I came home this weekend and the first thing my mother (who is also natural, but wears her hair straight) says to me is after seeing my curly fro, "Oh, your hair is so nappy! I'm gonna straighten it." The rest of the night she just continues to complain about my "nappy" hair and touch it as if she's never seen Black hair (ya'll know how White people look when they see your hair in a different way).

I get my hair done today (it's styled in some type of twist out) and although I don't fancy it, I know with confidence I can grow to like it. Well here's Mom:
Mom: Did you get your hair done?
Me: Yes
Mom: You're LYING!
Me: I don't really like it Mom.
Mom: You keep letting people cheat you out of your money. It looks nappy in the back.
Me: I don't have nappy hair, therefore it does NOT look nappy.

I can't stand the criticism that I mainly receive from my Mom. I just don't understand how someone can say such rude things. Sometimes I just want to put a relaxer back in it. *sigh*

Congrats!

Lots of people barely make it a few mths so you should be proud of yourself

I'm sure it must be tough, but you just have to remember that it's your hair, & you made your decision for a reason. Tell her how you feel, & to stop with the negative comments (respectfully of course).

It takes alot of patience to transition for an entire year, don't let someone else decide for you what to do with your hair.

Congrats on making it to a year! It takes a lot of work, for sure!

It also takes a lot of self-control to not lash out on everyone who bothers you about your hair. The last thing I said to my mom about my hair after I BC'd (we were having a convo so I'm just posting the last thing I said) was: "You don't have to like it, it's my hair, and I like it." Now, I didn't say it with an attitude or anything, and I think she understands that I am serious about being natural. She's just very blunt and says whatever (That's a virgo for you!), but regardless I love my momma! She will also say when she DOES like my hair, and is not always a Negative Nancy.

If your mom has nothing nice to say (or anyone for that matter), just say "Ok" and leave it at that. People can't argue with you if you have nothing to say lol. Or you can just build an arsenal of smart things to say back. Here's a start: http://www.curlynikki.forumotion.com/general-f3/whats-the-best-comeback-you-ever-said-to-anyone-t7241.htm

You're wearing your hair the way it was meant to be worn without heat or chemicals and YOU should be proud of that. No one else has to be. I think way too often we do things for OTHERS and not OURSELF. What do YOU want? If it's a relaxer then so be it, but having come a year, think about that first.

If you don't flat iron every week, then when you DO get it flat ironed then it's a treat for you.

Have a good transition.

Sometimes, the best thing to say is nothing. I think that you should tell her that you love her, and then continue to do you.

Congratulations on your one year transition.

maybe you should try, "mom, that really hurts my feelings and makes me feel less than beautiful when you say that."

I can't stand the criticism that I mainly receive from my Mom. I just don't understand how someone can say such rude things.
I have been there. I had to learn to manage my expectations. My mom either lacks or chooses not to use a filter. I choose to filter what is delivered to my ears before it reaches my heart.

CONGRATS ON YOUR ONE YEAR MARK!
omigoodness my mother does the same thing to me I put my hair in box braids and curl it...why you do your hair like this? I don't like it. I was like wth??????? are you suppose to be my mom. And every other day you need to decide what your going to do with your hair. meaning perm it or i will?
I'm a 18 year old girl in college: 1. she can't tell me what to do with my hair she lost control of it a loooooong time ago 2. she's my mom...i'm her child...this is her genes!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know why mom's think natural hair is taboo? maybe it is because how they grew up