THEY SAY MEAN THINGS

For 2 days now, my mom (also natural but pressed) said my hair looked bad, I looked like 'a retard' and I needed to do something to my head; my 1/2 balding but still permed, SUPER SAVED, co-woker said 'what you gone do with that hair' in her nastiest tone to date, My husband, the barber, said I look like I haven't combed my hair in days [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] !

I have worn my hair natural on and off for 10 years. I know a lot of people don't understand the benefits of natural hair. Some don't appreciate the beauty, and they truly don't know that natural hair somedays has a mind of it's own [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

You would think that one would be used to the snide comments, the funny looks, the laughs and 'uuhgs, ewwws, eye rolling and icks'. But I guess I'm not. Because my feelings have been hurt in the past couple of weeks by said comments. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Because my crown is not a negative thing, I try not to let negative things said about it create negative energy within me, but truth be told sometimes I wonder if it is worth it.

Under normal curcumstances, I would have popped off at the mouth, but I held my tounge.

But how do YOU deal with the nasty comments, if any, about your natural hair? How do they make you feel? What would you advise someone who is running into a similar situation? And when do you say enough is enough?

Right after my wedding in November I came back to school with a puff and a classmate says "WTF did you DO?"--ouch.

I constantly reflect on why I love it. Giving myself further reasons to love me always boosts my confidence =)

Right now, I doing the best I can not to tell my mother off....I know I won't do that, but she pushing it...

It's bad to be natural and you have a relaxed hairstylist as your mother. SIGH...

Yet, every time I looked at my hair...I like it and nobody is gonna to change my mind about it. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

sjoyreed, I honestly don't know what to say other than those comments are so out of order. What makes people think they can say whatever they want to people? This makes me so mad. I am currently transitioning and am doing my BC next week. My mother is also very outspoken and has made snide comments about me going natural so we will see. I am sure I will get negative comments and I do not know how I would respond. I usually give back what I get but I am trying to stop doing that . I have a coworker that always tells me that she would never go natural and how bad it looks to her....she even thinks Jill Scott's hair looks bad (WTH) and by the way her hair is permed and very damaged. I am looking forward to response on how other naturals handle this. Stay positive.

OK I have to calm down...and I will come back.

*walks away mumblin* [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

OK this is my second month being natural and now I am getting negative remarks, I guess people didnt bother commenting before bc they thought I would change my mind and get a relaxer again. Nope! To my yt coworkers, I remind them that I am african american and this is how the hair grows out of my head. To my relaxed friends, I say this is how I am choosing to wear my hair and I am more worried about my opinion than yours...now lets go shopping. lol. To my dear relaxed mother I say mom we both know that you are proud to say that this beautiful head of hair on my head is in some way your doing. You should be happy for me and you are next!!

(HUG). You may need to pop off at the mouth girl. My sister used to make a lot of snide comments. At first, they made me self conscious but I finally got tired of it and put her in her place. "I don't care if you have a problem with my hair. I LOVE it so keep your comments in your head." Im sorry but for your barber husband to make that comment, has he offered any of his services?

Hang in there. You have all the support here. You know what? They must be jealous that your brave enough to rock the hair you were born with especially that co-worker and your mother who presses.

What type of styles have you been doing?

Sjoyreed- So sorry you have to deal with people's ignorant comments. Its sad that even with this natural hair wave today people still have an attitude about natural hair.

I get it too. If I blow out my hair or wear it straight once in a blew people will say Ohh I like your hair better this way.

It's whatever I try not to let people's opinions of MY hair change how I feel. As long as you like it forget what everyone else has to say.

sjoyreed...I'm sorry you have to experience ridicule because of how YOU want to be!

My response really depends on how I'm feeling at the time the comment is made (yeah, I'm a work in progress, trying to have that all-the-time-peace...I'm trying)!!

If I'm in a cool place, I don't even let it bother me...I smile/smirk and keep about my business.

Now, if it's said when SHE (as in "Uh Oh, here SHE come"--who I hate to be at times) is in effect, I ask: Why do you figure what you think about my hair possibly matters to me? (Pick your tone...be it nasty or nice...the point is made.) Now this usually ends the convo...what else can be said?

Be sure to keep coming back here...you'll get the motivation to keep moving forward in your natural hair journey.

I have had people say all kinds of derogatory things to me, family being the worst critics. I just use it as fuel to my confidence. Strangers, co-workers, and friends have been the most positive throughout my journey. Just try not to focus on what they say, and remind yourself daily that you are beautiful despite how your hair may look.

be happy with yourself cause everyone has an opinion...i don't like when people are rude and say things to hurt your feelings but i myself had to build up tough skin and be satisfied with me and i find that in those moments it doesn't matter what anyone says...i just let it roll off my back...hopefully you will get to that point as welll...i know that doesn't happen overnight..draw strength from the support of the natural hair community here on curly nikki and you will be alright...

i've learned this principle over time --- you can't control anyone but yourself... you can't control anyone's actions towards you... you can only control your reaction and response to their action.

allowing them to get in your head is allowing them to occupy space in your mind without paying one cent of rent... evict them from your head....

someone at church told me on sunday that they liked my hair but couldn't believe that i would cut all of that beautiful hair off... my response... oh, but it's so much more beautiful to me now and i'm the one who had to deal with it.... i said it very nicely with a smile and walked away...

the other thing that i get is ... i wish i was brave enough to do that! that's my cue to give them my story.... now several people who went natural last year come and talk to me about what i'm doing with my hair because they need to do this or that... i direct them to this forum and we share stories.... they didn't even know about this forum.

SJoy - I am so sorry folks are saying such rude, insensitive things to you. It just goes to show you how much self-hatred some people have. I don't know why folks feel they have the right to say anything about someone's natural hair, considering if they REALLY thought about it, they'd know it grows out of their head too. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I have a smart-mouth, so I'd probably pop off and say something to them,that I'm not going to type here. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] It's just a part of me - I've given up fighting it. But, since you are obviously way more mature than I am, I say give it back to them, but in a way that lets them know how ignorant they sound and shuts them up.

my 1/2 balding but still permed, SUPER SAVED, co-woker said 'what you gone do with that hair' in her nastiest tone to date,

Reply: You mean the hair that grows out of ALL of our heads that I choose not to hide under chemicals because I love and accept MY true texture? Not sure, but maybe we can go together since we both need our hair done.


For 2 days now, my mom (also natural but pressed) said my hair looked bad, I looked like 'a retard' and I needed to do something to my head

Reply: Mama, I like my hair. And really - a retard? My hair being naturali has nothing to do with my intelligence and as someone who is natural, I would think, hope, wish and pray you understood that. I mean, it's not like having straight hair makes one any smarter, right?

My husband, the barber, said I look like I haven't combed my hair in days

Reply: Yeah, I may need to shape it up. Do you have any decent barbers in your shop? OR Maybe, but the guy at the store/work/mall, etc... said it looked cute! Go figure. (Then smirk and walk away.)

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

someone at church told me on sunday that they liked my hair but couldn't believe that i would cut all of that beautiful hair off... my response... oh, but it's so much more beautiful to me now and i'm the one who had to deal with it.... i said it very nicely with a smile and walked away...


PDarden,

What a great response! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Sjoyreed, I say you borrow it for all of the naysayers.

BlakButterfli wrote:

My husband, the barber, said I look like I haven't combed my hair in days

Reply: Yeah, I may need to shape it up. Do you have any decent barbers in your shop? OR Maybe, but the guy at the store/work/mall, etc... said it looked cute! Go figure. (Then smirk and walk away.)

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

That's my favorite response right there

wow! This is sad to hear. Hang in there and stand by your decision if you allow other people's opinion to sway you then they will never shut up. Try to put on the ignore and give it the best care and work it, cry if you must but don't give up.

Sjoyreed

Im sorry that happened to you. Ive truely had my share of negative comments about my hair as well. Im like TheRYL1...it really depends on my mood at the time on what the response will be if someone says something to me. I usually shrug it off and keep it moving but every now and then you get people who really think you care what they think like you will change just because they say so. Those people usually get the smart remarks from me. I say stand your ground. No one is allowed to make you feel less than in any situation. If someone says something and its meant to be rude and nasty then firmly let them know you are not having it.

sjoyreed, people (and I'm talking about some black people such as friends and family) are afraid to stand out and go against the grain so they like to bring others down who shine way too much! Honey, it's hard to be a bright light in a dark tunnel but the light is the truth and people don't like the truth so they want to stay hidden in the dark.

Our hair is the most unique type of hair there is; there's nothing on this planet like it and finally after all these years of our hair being looked at and labeled as 'bad' or 'ugly' people are beginning to see the beauty in it. This is why we are all here, to explore what was hidden from us all of this time and share it with anyone who is willing to explore their hair as well.

Have you ever heard of the saying "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything"; only unlearned individuals still fall for the old "Negro hair is ugly and unattractive" bit. They better get with the program and in the process get deprogrammed! Hell, black in all of its forms is hella beautiful! Look around honey, I've never seen so many beautiful black women before with natural hair...you aren't the only one baby with that hair, the ones that are telling you that your hair is ugly have this hair as well! They just choose to hide behind a mask because someone sold/told them a lie (LYE). I don't care what people say; some hide their natural hair to mask physical damage but there are some who hide their hair to mask mental damage caused by what someone else said to them!

Hold that head up and be proud because you and all of us came from a long line of beautiful, strong, black women who had to go through a lot to bring us into this world that we live in today! Fudge them haters baby! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I haven't had a negative comment yet but when I do I've decided to say something random about them. Example: Me: I don't like your shoes.
Negative Person: What? Me: I thought we were sharing opinions no one asked for.

authenticbeauty wrote:I haven't had a negative comment yet but when I do I've decided to say something random about them. Example: Me: I don't like your shoes.
Negative Person: What? Me: I thought we were sharing opinions no one asked for.

Perfect comeback !

What an incredibly interesting, but sad thread. About a week ago a young woman walked past me. She was fair-skinned and I couldn't tell if she was black, mixed or hispanic. She had tattoos everywhere and looked thugged out. As I pass her, she says- look at her hair!!! super loud... I was wondering if she meant me and for a moment I got upset and wanted to slap her to sleep but I quelled that urge. I had to ask myself what if she was and why should it bother me if she meant me? The truth is, I'm not living for her, nor she for me. She doesn't walk in my shoes, nor I in hers. When my family just looked without saying a thing, I dealt with it but the silence spoke volumes. It hurt. And then it didn't anymore. I didn't allow it. And I would be the first person to tell another that I'm sorry you are scared of your hair but I'm not scared of mine. And then I would move on. Don't give their words any more power than they deserve.

I'm super late on this post but my response to people who have something negative to say about my hair is "So what are you saying? God made a mistake with what He originally put on my head?" The response: Complete silence.

Checkmate!

Last weekend this old guy came up to me and said ugghh you didn't comb your hair this morning? For a second it hurt but then I thought about it & I didn't really comb my hair that morning! lol When I take care of my hair & I know it looks good then there is nothing that anyone can tell me to make me feel ugly.
Ask yourself do I look beautiful with my natural hair? If the answer is yes then gain confidence in the fact that YOU know you look great!
CONFIDENCE is everything.
If your confident with it people will envy what you have.

Ohhh & I love when women have something to say about my hair, because it just tells off on how insecure they must be to actually take the time to put me down. Plus how lost in TV Land they are to believe that weaves and relaxed hair are the epitome of beauty.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk away or busy yourself with doing something else. Repeat and repeat that one liner and do not vary from it. They will eventually give up.

No point arguing or furthering the discussion with such people. Take care of yourself first, it is not your responsibility to listen to their drivel nor to change their minds about whatever opinion they have formed of your hair. Such nasty comments are of no help to you and you have no need of them.

It might help if you take yourself out of the equation and learn to see them as people who feel so insecure and bad about themselves that they feel the need to make others feel bad too.

all i can say that sometimes jesus needs to be the fence between these comments n me...am just saying...