Re: Dating and Standards

by naturalesque 11th March 2011, 11:42 am

I have similar standards, but it wouldn't be deal breaker if the person had everything else going for him.

by CarlaAR 11th March 2011, 1:28 pm

For me, I thought I would choose a man without kids. I'm 32 and I don't have any and in general used to prefer a man with the same. With that said, I am dating a many who has two kids - a 13 year old and 23 year old from a previous marriage. The BF is 54 so if I date older men, I have to expect perhaps a previous marriage and kids. Its not a given though because the last two men I dated were of the same age range without children.

He is a very loving, responsible father to his two boys. If he was anything but, it would be over.

The funny thing is, if I dated a man who is 32, I would prefer him not to have any children. Embarassed

by Luscious Mahogany 11th March 2011, 3:01 pm

Ambitious_Tiff,

I completely know what you mean in saying you have that convo all the time with your friend, I'm 28 and I still have that convo because some of my friends that have men mind you, feel like my standards are too high and that because Im going to be 30 in a year I "need" a man. I've done the men with kids and baby mama's trying to not ignore a man just because of their baggage and clearly I should have, it turned into wasted time, energy and drama and after this last dud I vowed to not lower my standard in that area again. Now I do know that some relationships can work out with one or both people coming into the relationship with children, but I have learned that I can not do that again. I too prayed just like MelMelBee and decided to let go and let God, I have found it to be easier that way and I have more peace of mind waiting and knowing that God hear my prayers and will send my King when He know I'm in a place and ready to embrace him completely. Be faithful and steadfast to your standards it will work out for you!

by dajewel 11th March 2011, 3:43 pm

Luscious Mahogany wrote:Ambitious_Tiff,

I completely know what you mean in saying you have that convo all the time with your friend, I'm 28 and I still have that convo because some of my friends that have men mind you, feel like my standards are too high and that because Im going to be 30 in a year I "need" a man. I've done the men with kids and baby mama's trying to not ignore a man just because of their baggage and clearly I should have, it turned into wasted time, energy and drama and after this last dud I vowed to not lower my standard in that area again. Now I do know that some relationships can work out with one or both people coming into the relationship with children, but I have learned that I can not do that again. I too prayed just like MelMelBee and decided to let go and let God, I have found it to be easier that way and I have more peace of mind waiting and knowing that God hear my prayers and will send my King when He know I'm in a place and ready to embrace him completely. Be faithful and steadfast to your standards it will work out for you!

yes, me too, i have dated plenty of men who have kids and so i can speak from experience: no men with kids for me even if it means i have to wait even longer to settle down. oh well. there is more to do in life than worry about settling down. am just being realistic

by Luscious Mahogany 11th March 2011, 4:48 pm

Ditto dajewel!!

by CarlaAR 11th March 2011, 5:01 pm

Exactly dajewel! What's the hurry to "get a man" and have kids anyway? My sister is 42, never been married and doesn't have kids and she couldn't be happier. She doesn't understand why people feel sorry for her...

by dajewel 12th March 2011, 12:30 am

yes, even my parents, who are deeply in love with each other after 31 years +10 years of on/off dating, tell me to wait. so, i don't feel any pressure about 'when am i getting married' and 'when the kids coming' which are the main topics of discussion in my culture. in the mean time, am working on being the best me possible and satisfying the urge to do everything (for example: will be traveling to some far out destinations this and next year...i just came back from trinidad for carnival) i wanted to do before i get married.

by Ambitious_Tiff 12th March 2011, 2:03 pm

Luscious Mahogany wrote:Ambitious_Tiff,

I completely know what you mean in saying you have that convo all the time with your friend, I'm 28 and I still have that convo because some of my friends that have men mind you, feel like my standards are too high and that because Im going to be 30 in a year I "need" a man. I've done the men with kids and baby mama's trying to not ignore a man just because of their baggage and clearly I should have, it turned into wasted time, energy and drama and after this last dud I vowed to not lower my standard in that area again. Now I do know that some relationships can work out with one or both people coming into the relationship with children, but I have learned that I can not do that again. I too prayed just like MelMelBee and decided to let go and let God, I have found it to be easier that way and I have more peace of mind waiting and knowing that God hear my prayers and will send my King when He know I'm in a place and ready to embrace him completely. Be faithful and steadfast to your standards it will work out for you!

Wow, that is so rude!! No one "needs" a man per se'. I know how you feel though; my friends do it to me too. I think sometimes my they forget how fun the single life can be b/c they have been involved for so long. What really annoys me is when someone says I need to "get some" to be in a better mood. Rolling Eyes

Lol, I already know a man will be an extra aggravation at times. But anyway, I guess I should do with this what I try to do with most things, slap some prayer on it and keep it moving, lol!

@Carla
I think its the whole "biological" clock think. I know here its just what's expected, you know? I thank God my parents are not putting the pressure on me that I have seen on some of my friends. Lol, my dad would be happy if we never got married.

@Dajewel
How was Carnival? I've always wanted to go!! Looks like you had a good time in your profile pic. Was it expensive?

by dajewel 12th March 2011, 3:15 pm

carnival was great!!! i go every year!! am so sad that it was done in a blink of an eye....is true what they say: time moves fast when u are having fun. i wouldn't say is expensive, but it certainly isn't cheap if you want to play mas with certain bands, go to certain parties, accommodations (people are booking from now for next year), spending money, plane ticket etc. is not expensive if u plan a year in advance...saving and budgeting every month. also, waiting for the good deals for plane tickets (u can get r/t from ny or miami for around $400...if purchased soon enough). u can also save a good deal with accomodations depending on when u book and if u are sharing a guest house or hotel suite. but let me just say: the experience is priceless!!!!

by Ambitious_Tiff 12th March 2011, 4:03 pm

I will definitely keep all of that in mind. Maybe I'll see you next year!! Very Happy

by dajewel 12th March 2011, 4:51 pm

k keep me updated. fyi: bands launch at end of july-ish....have ur down payment for a costume by then...

by Ambitious_Tiff 12th March 2011, 5:34 pm

I better get on it then, lol. My bday is in July too. That'll make it easier to remember. Thanx again!

by novembre 16th March 2011, 4:37 pm

MelMelBee wrote:Hey Tiff!

I certainly understand your position, which is why I don't date!!!! Shocking I know, but I gave it up. I was sick of feeling like I was "shopping" for someone. I prayed and asked God to send me the person that He has chosen for me (that was the hardest prayer I've ever prayed), but it saves me so much time and drama, and the dreaded question "Is this the one?". I truly believe that when you surrender the situation to God and trust that He will send the perfect person, you can be confident that with children or not, the man you meet will be the one that God has chosen for you. I'd rather have to wait it out to get the right person, than to choose on my own and end up all messed up (from experience, my own judgement is VERY faulty...LOL)

If you ladies have time, please go check out this link: Single and Saved. This will give some insight on why I gave up dating. Share your thoughts!!!

I am certain that if you trust God about it, you'll receive the desires of your heart!

________________________________________________________________________________
Enter to Win!

@ MelMelBee.....THANKS MelMelBee for your post..i will read that article..your words really blessed me and were a confirmation to me... @Tiff..you got plenty of good feedback..follow your heart and take your time..most people don't have a clue what they want..at least you have an idea...i'm sure you will find what your looking for...just add patience to it and you will do fine...

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