Is chatting cheating?

Hey natural sisters! I need your input on cheating. I'm not sure if chatting or conversating with someone outside of the relationship is a deal breaker for me.

Some Background Info:
My financee and I have been together for three years and engaged for 6 months. Last month he broker up with me after peaking in my inbox and thinking I was "chatting" with someone. In all actuality it was a harmless message from a prior classmate/co-worker of mine. After realizing the message was harmless and a 7 day break we made peace and got back together.

Fast-Forward:
Lately, I have had a hard time trusting him because he doesn't trust me. He has been withdrawn and argumentive. I also came across a msg between him and a female were he is asking her about "spending time together" and he claims it was a harmless msg and he and her were just "joking." I don't buy it! And today I find that he's been chatting with other females and commenting on how "sexy" their pics are, etc.

I am still very young but mature and ready for a serious relationship. But I'm confused on how to address this issue... talking and establishing boundaries doesn't seem to be working. I love him enormosly but I'm very tempted to just call it quits!

I'm no expert on relationships. However, one thing I DO know is the following:

If there's no MUTUAL trust within the relationship, there's no way it's going to hold up.

If you can't trust each other over anything, be it money, activities, or even emails or IMs, then there's no way in hell the relationship is going to hold water. Particularly since he was going through your messages from the outset. Think on it: if he did trust you, why would he feel the need to do that? And if he agreed the message was harmless, why is he going around and flirting with other women, asking to "spend time" with them? And if he's been defensive and argumentative about it, it's a sign that something could going on, and it ain't the rent--if you know what I mean.

I'm not saying "break up" with him; that's not my place or decision. But his behavior is suspect and you need to confront him about it. Not "talk" or "discuss", but CONFRONT. Base your decision on his reactions and go from there.

LadyMika wrote:I'm no expert on relationships. However, one thing I DO know is the following:

If there's no MUTUAL trust within the relationship, there's no way it's going to hold up.

If you can't trust each other over anything, be it money, activities, or even emails or IMs, then there's no way in hell the relationship is going to hold water. Particularly since he was going through your messages from the outset. Think on it: if he did trust you, why would he feel the need to do that? And if he agreed the message was harmless, why is he going around and flirting with other women, asking to "spend time" with them? And if he's been defensive and argumentative about it, it's a sign that something could going on, and it ain't the rent--if you know what I mean.

I'm not saying "break up" with him; that's not my place or decision. But his behavior is suspect and you need to confront him about it. Not "talk" or "discuss", but CONFRONT. Base your decision on his reactions and go from there.

Thanks for your input it was very helpful

I agree with LadyMkia. If you really want to make your relationship work, you both need to work better on trusting one another. I think if you both focus on that, your relationship will grwo stronger and stronger. However, if you don't your relationship might fizzle out.

Another thing that I have learned within relationships is to keep the lines of communication open. Be willing and open to listen to each other when talking. I feel like some people dont communicate well and that can also make the relationship weak.

Let each other know how you feel without hurting one another too deeply. Trust and communication (and honesty) are the ways to a better relationship...I'm going to stop rambling on..i feel like a relationship therapist lol! .

Good luck girl and best wishes!!!

Co-sign with LadyMika.

@Napp_Napp_Cat and LadyMika

Thanks you guys, I think Communication and Honesty will be our key to trying to re-establish trust in our relationship. It's good to hear someone else's point of view on the whole situation.

LadyMika's on point.

I'd have an adult conversation about the need for chatting and why. Why are you exchanging emails and why is he on a site where there are profile pics of people he doesn't know? In other words, why is he window shopping?!

Not a screaming yelling conversation. An adult "lets talk about this" conversation.

He's a cheater. Save yourself the heartache, lovely.

UPDATE: We've broken up! But I think things will be on the up and up for me. I feel a little sad, but mostly releved that I'm now free from lies, drama and headache! Thanks everyone for your input on this [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

AmariC05 wrote:UPDATE: We've broken up! But I think things will be on the up and up for me. I feel a little sad, but mostly releved that I'm now free from lies, drama and headache! Thanks everyone for your input on this [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Thank you for the update. Keep your head up--you'll be fine. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Keep your head up girl and just remember that everything happens for a reason!