what do you do about ?

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what do you do about ?

Post by creolebeauty1 on 15th February 2011, 8:06 pm

Okay so a few people have been asking me advice on how to care for their hair and about what products i use and so on i'm always very open to help but when i start explaining to them how 1) water is goof for our hair (some argue with me ) how mineral oil , parabens and sulfates dry out our hair and so on ( i get the side eye , my cousin wanted me to braid her hair and i told her she should get a good leave in to spray her braids with every other day before adding the (castor oil) 'i gave her" well she just cursed me out because she brought herself some Parvenue leave in with tea tree in it but the second ingredient was (mineral oil ) i was simply trying to tell her that mineral oil is in the list of things that aren't good for her hair since it keeps the moisture out , she got mad and cursed me out and said she don't have the patience and refuse to keep waisting time money she is gonna get a relaxer i didn't say anything because i had nothing good to say i figured i would keep my mouth shut , but i wish 1 year ago when i started transitioning i had a person trying to help me out and telling me what's good and bad for my hair etc i would have appreciated it she instead is angry i don;t know what to do ?
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by FalconTress on 15th February 2011, 9:37 pm

when i start explaining...i get the side eye

Remember, even when they ask the questions, some people are not prepared to listen attentively to the answers or invest the time needed to what you do.

i don;t know what to do ?

Let the task of educating her on the subject of natural hair go. You gave it a decent effort.
I would have a short one way conversation with her to set a boundary about that tendncy to express her frustration by cursing at me.

HTH

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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Phenomenise on 15th February 2011, 9:52 pm

All you can do is let it go. Some people just aren't ready to hear it.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by naturallychelsea on 15th February 2011, 9:53 pm

Falcontress is right. When people ask me what I do they really want to know what I use. People are are always on the hunt for immediate gratification. No one wants to hear that it will take a long time and patience to grow their hair. They want the secret hair growth elixer or potion that they will use twice daily and grow their hair from scalp to tailbone quickly so they too can 'whip their hair back and forth'
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by creolebeauty1 on 15th February 2011, 10:26 pm

that's crazy yep i just left it alone i did my part already it's up to her to listen and do what is necessary for herself Smile
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Isis on 16th February 2011, 12:09 am

Let it go, if she wants her hairline to start at her ears then that's all her. You can't help those who don't want to be helped.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Music8192 on 16th February 2011, 12:38 am

yea as the rest said you have to let it go. But this brings me to a statement in which many of you all may disagree with but what is SO bad about petroleum based products? Although I've only been natural for a little over a year, I HAVE YET to find products that DID NOT have mineral oil NOR petroleum. UNLESS they were from WHOLE FOODS or something like that and spent an ARM and a LEG.

When I was transitioning, I became so CONSCIOUS of what products I was using for my hair because MOST natural hair forums or "hair gurus" said that petro or mineral based produces are a NO NO. But main drug stores and beauty supply stores HARDLY sell products w/o these ingredients. And right now i'm a college student, and I can't afford to spend A LOT money on "natural" products or spend time looking at each product ingredient and see if its perto based or not.

From my experience so far as being a natural, I realized that what make work for others doesn't always work for me, or anyone else. I use a product that i get from the drug store cost me $4 and some change[and it had mineral oil] carols daughter hair milk, $12. Got the same look and better from the $4 product than the product i spend 8 dollars more of. Oils are good for my hair and you can get that relatively inexpensive.

Sure i'm still in the process of finding things that work for me, WHATEVER ingredient but petro based or min based stuff has NEVER made my hair fall out and it never stunted my growth.
my hair has ALWAYS been dry no matter WHAT i put in it lol. But in fact I think my hair is healthier more so than it's ever been now that I'm natural.

I say to each it's own.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Kea::curls on 16th February 2011, 9:51 am

my close friend who is already 100% natural (and has been natural for longer than me) acts the same way. Now, I've learned that when she asks questions i just state the truth...not telling her to do it, just simply stating the facts. Then, the next time she gives me a compliment on the healthy state of my hair, etc... i just smile sincerely and tell her...oh i think its b/c i DC weekly (remember we were talking about that the other day...?)

As everyone else said, just let it go and one day if she's ready to embrace it, be ready to help her out Smile

@music: do what works for you! this hair journey is all about learning your hair and that seems to be what you're doing.I know that mineral oil & petroleum never worked for my hair during the 20+ years i was using them, so no one can talk me into using them, now that i can finally acheived moisturized hair without them. lol. The same way that if they were working for me, I wouldn't let anyone direct me otherwise...
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by meepmeep1101 on 16th February 2011, 1:23 pm

I convinced my cousin to go natural, and she changed her mind at the last minute. lol. I guess I don't try to tell people to go natural if they cant put in the time and effort. cuz it is a lot of work. Its like a run in the park, not a walk. lol

@music: Its not that petro or mineral oil stunts hair growth or makes your hair fall out, its more of that it just puts a layer over ur hair so anything you put on after that doesnt matter. And it doesnt let any moisture in. and it also creates buildup. And I think if your hair has always been dry, no matter what, then its time to try something new? Maybe some scalp massages or a reall good leave in conditioner. but since your still in the process of finding what works for you, I hope you can combat your dry hair.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Indigo.Blue on 16th February 2011, 2:03 pm

It can be very overwhelming to suddenly change your entire routine...some people are the cold turkey type and some are the slow and gradual type. I always recommend that the person use whatever they have been using. Eventually, they will understand the need for certan ingredients as opposed to others...If I had to BC, use all new products, use all new techniques, and use all new styles at one time I would not have gone natural. Some women take the change like a champ...others (like me) need a gradual transistion. Quitting any habit is hard so try the slow and stedy approach...she will come around...
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by CarlaAR on 16th February 2011, 4:12 pm

Some people dont want to or care to hear advice and information. Whenever people ask me what I use on my hair and I tell them things like castor oil, jojoba or coconut oil, lightweight gels, butters, leave-in, etc, they don't want to hear it. They want to hear about some miracle chemical or product.

@music - It took me years to really know what my likes and dislike. I know my hair cant take mineral oils, silicons or glycerin. Eventually I learned what products are worth the extra money and what I can do on the cheap. I can buy conditioners cheaply (and maybe add oils, honey, etc to it) where I need to spend more on shampoo. Fortunately, a 12 oz bottle can last 6 months.

Sauve, V05 and some Garnier conditioners dont have mineral oils or silicons - you have to read. Unfortunately there are not many drugstore stylers are are not full of those substances.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Jazzyrin on 16th February 2011, 6:15 pm

This happens to me all the time with family members and friends. Like ok ur asking me for advice and u know im natural so what would you expect me to say i would never recommend a process like relaxing if i dont do it anymore obviously there was a problem with it. So now i tell them if you dont wanna hear it dont ask!

I agree with carlaAR they are often looking for some miracle product or a miracle fruit to eat for healthier hair overnight.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Music8192 on 16th February 2011, 6:32 pm

I agree with you all and It takes a while for people to find out what works for their hair. But it's all about trial and error. She shouldn't have got mad at you to that extent.

@meepmeep1101 my routine so fair, that works for ME, is i wash my hair every two weeks. So even if I don't use petro or mineral based products for that time span, It's gonna get dirty and have build up. It may sound nasty but thats the way I like it. Razz The build up actually keeps my hair somewhat pliable.bounce

I'm Still finding what works for me but you have to let people figure stuff out from their own experience. If she's capable of breathing, and speaking and has a brain, lol then she should be able to make her own choices and what works for her.

People sometimes don't want to hear any advice. Even if they could use it and would benefit them.

Mineral Oil, Petrolatum and Sulfates...Oh My??

Nikkimae2003 from youtube did video about the use of mineral oils,and pretreo based prodcuts. Check it out if you have not seen it yet.
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by creolebeauty1 on 17th February 2011, 1:59 am

Honestly it hurt my feelings a bit because i genuinely was trying to help her and i only was helping her because she asked me to , she saw my hair grow out throuout my transition and inquired on what i have been doing it was a bit crazy she would get mad but like everyone said i'm brush it off and keep helping her when she ask for help but i will tell her straight up not to ever disrespect me if she wants me to touch her head and still have hair lol
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by CarlaAR on 17th February 2011, 4:20 pm

creolebeauty1 wrote:Honestly it hurt my feelings a bit because i genuinely was trying to help her and i only was helping her because she asked me to , she saw my hair grow out throuout my transition and inquired on what i have been doing it was a bit crazy she would get mad but like everyone said i'm brush it off and keep helping her when she ask for help but i will tell her straight up not to ever disrespect me if she wants me to touch her head and still have hair lol

That's what I got from your original post too. She was asking YOU for advice, you weren't trying to push her and she disrespected you. Honestly, she sounds like someone to just keep your distance with...
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Re: what do you do about ?

Post by Aunt_Lola on 17th February 2011, 5:18 pm

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt creolebeauty1 when you were trying to help. She had no right to curse you out.

What I tend to do when someone asks me for advice is to let them know what works for ***MY*** hair. And what I like for ***MY*** hair. I've learned not to try to explain that certain ingredients/products are "good" and certain ingredients/products are "bad" because it's really not true for everybody.

While many do well using oils and shea butter, there are others who's hair can't stand it and thrives on grease.

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