Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by prodigy on 24th March 2011, 5:53 pm

I also very rarely leave comments, but I'd like to chime in here. I've noticed that several times, when a fellow poster expressed an opinion that wasn't in favor of the opinion expressed in the article, or even someone else's opinion, they were practically scandalized for having a difference of opinion...and this is without the person being rude, disrespectful, etc. On a particular topic, one poster mentioned that she didn't like the tone of the article, and stated why in a respectful way. Later on, another poster accused her of being a "hair nazi", and proceeded to complain that folks always have to find something negative etc etc. I just think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whether they agree or disagree, and should be mature enough to articulate it in a coherent, mature and respectful fashion. But I'd also just like to point out that sometimes, posters that express differences of opinion can be treated funny simply because they have a different view on a topic on the boards.

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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Indigo.Blue on 25th March 2011, 4:36 am

Hahahaha...this is funny. It has not been my experience here on CN that difference of opinions are respected or encouraged. I have trouble with Mods or Adm deleting comments or stopping post from receiving any comments. That is NOT effective communication to delete or censor someone because they have a difference of opinion...that is a dictatorship!

If you don't agree, argue your point! There is no need to delete a perspective that is unfavorable to you. It is not unreasonable to believe KNP was not being honest because her texture has changed; if that is not your experience, it is a reasonable question. My texture has changed from my early days also, so it makes sense to me. Is it too much to explain that point instead of deleting posts or calling them rude, trolls, pot stirrers, or whatever?

People here get offended when you challenge them. The crazy thing about it all, I get attacked for my opinion because I challenge people to think of others and to think of how they would feel if it were you or your loved one. Nothing rude about that, yet I enrage some of you.

I was originally invited to this forum by a CN member who did not like my opinion on the home page about how to handle "unsolicated comments." She suggested some rude rebuttals and I asked her to remember how she thought before she became natural. I reminded her that she has made those same comments yesterday that she finds offensive today. Period! Yet, I am the bad guy for that; I was called a troll amongst other things. I was attacked by several of CN members. I argued my point and moved on.

Next heated topic was Mixed Chicks...I am wrong because I reminded people that #teamlight is the same thing as #teamdark. It is apparently sinful to love yourself if you are light skin, but if you are dark skin, it is acceptable to shout your pride from the mountain tops. But I am wrong and irrational for asking people to consider another perspective.

The point where I knew I did not belong here was the MopTop debate. I ask people to think about how they would want to be supported when they are sick or on maternity leave...but I am the stupid one. My best friend (who is a male) laughed at the debate and said some of these /chicks/ call out of work when they are on their periods and they are mad because this girl has a real disease. The Mods or Adm stopped the thread. If anyone had a problem with or was offended by the debate they could have simply NOT CLICKED ON THE LINK.

I don't understand the conscious disregard for the next person. It hurts my soul.

There is a theme to all of my opinions: Think about someone other than yourself! Stop denying the next person the things that you demand...you want to be able to love your beautiful dark skin, but she can't love her beautiful light skin; you want weeks off when you are on medical leave, but she cant; you can reference your hair as buckwheat, nappy, and slave like, but if I used the same discriptive terms I am wrong. Just for clarity, it is not about getting people to agree with me. That is not my position. It is the selective application of your rules that I challenge.

This is what I have learned here on CN:

-Opinions on CN are only okay if they mirror your personal opinion
-If you disagree, you are a hater, having a bad day, are a troll, are rude, a relaxed chick, are ugly (because you don't have a pic) and need to be deleted.
-People are selfish. You want me to consider you, but won't grant me the same.
-Critical thinking skills are a lost art.
-you can lable me xyz, but if I lable you the same thing, you are angry and I am wrong.

Me and CB disagree a lot, yet we can still argue/debate our point and she is actually on of my favs here even though we don't agree. It is possible people...

I also appreciate the people who are considerate of others, you know who you are (AT, JB, PP, and a few others)...thank you for listening and not just attacking...you give me hope...



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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Indigo.Blue on 25th March 2011, 4:37 am

And I totally agree with FuzzyPuff and Prodigy...
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by creolebeauty1 on 25th March 2011, 11:59 am

Hey Indigo Blue i was wondering where you been ? you missed my BC ?
As far as agreeing to disagree i'm very big on respect and diversity if we al had the same opinions , thoughts , looks and so on this world would be super boring being different comes with a territory but at the same time difference of opinion , color , race and so on shouldn't deteriorate to disrespectful comments and personal attacks after all we are all primarily here for one reason and that's learning about our hair and loving it @ indigo even though we disagree mostly i have learned a great deal from you and i'm glad you have as well don't leave us Smile i know i will miss you Smile
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by naturallychelsea on 25th March 2011, 4:46 pm

fuzzypuff wrote:What a timely post! I don't comment much on blogs / forums because I have found that (get ready to gasp) when I speak on my opinion about some things, and clearly state that it is my opinion and my opinion only, I get comments from people calling me ignorant / stupid / ridiculous / pitiful / a miserable excuse for living, etc..... I could go on. And this last time I posted on another site and read some comments, I got a little down in the dumps. I was thinking why in the hell are you attacking me? I'm just stating my opinion. If you don't like my comment...well....don't comment. Or better yet, don't insult me; engage me in some constructive dialogue to see where I'm coming from.....geesh. I can agree to disagree, but I can't stand cowards who hide behind their computers and belittle people......

I completely get where you are coming from. I had a really bad experience on another site that left me with a bad feeling about that forum. This probably sounds silly but it literally made me sad. It got to a point where I dreaded checking my email because I would see the email saying that the topic got replies and I knew what was awaiting me. What was funny though was that I had good intentions and the some of the replies were just bloody rude.

The problem occurs when we become too emboldened as we sit behind our computer screens and do not have to engage in face to face convo. People hit send without a care in the world for how their message will be received. I never got that here so I will continue to visit this forum. However on other sites (one in particular that shan't be named) people form cliques and because they have been around for a while they become popular thus what they say or do will be perceived as correct and their followers defend them. Persons with opposing views are then too afraid to speak up because of the backlash of comments thy will get. Again I never saw this here.

As for the mixed chicks debate I saw no harm in it. I love to debate and don't get touchy if it is kept respectful and constructive. I actually took alot out of that debate and got to hear both sides so in a way I do agree with indigo about construcitve criticism. However I do not think the OP was referring more to stupidity like when one celeb interview was posted and the first comment underneath was somehong like this celeb is unimportant



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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by fuzzypuff on 25th March 2011, 5:06 pm

naturallychelsea wrote:
fuzzypuff wrote:What a timely post! I don't comment much on blogs / forums because I have found that (get ready to gasp) when I speak on my opinion about some things, and clearly state that it is my opinion and my opinion only, I get comments from people calling me ignorant / stupid / ridiculous / pitiful / a miserable excuse for living, etc..... I could go on. And this last time I posted on another site and read some comments, I got a little down in the dumps. I was thinking why in the hell are you attacking me? I'm just stating my opinion. If you don't like my comment...well....don't comment. Or better yet, don't insult me; engage me in some constructive dialogue to see where I'm coming from.....geesh. I can agree to disagree, but I can't stand cowards who hide behind their computers and belittle people......

The problem is is that we become too emboldened when we sit behind our computer screens and do not have to engage in face to face convo. People hit and without a care in the world for how their messag will be received. I never got that here so I'm here but on other sites (one in particular that shan't be named) people form gropus and get to know each other. Also because they have been around for a while they become popular thus what they say or do will be perceived as good and hey will be backed up. Someone with an opposing opinion will be put in their place. Again I never saw this here.

As for the mixed chicks debate I saw no harm in it. I love to debate and don't get touchy if it is kept respectful and constructive. I actually took alot out of that debate and got to hear both sides so in a way I do agree qith insigo abot construcitve criticism. Bowser I do think the OP was referring more to stupidity like when one celeb interview caneup and the first comment underneath was somehong like this eleb is unimportant


Girl.....get out of my head. It was like a high school clique. There were some comments on the site that were like mine; no one responded negatively towards them. Later I posted my comment. The "leader" directly commented to me and then all hell broke loose. I was seriously like, W.T.F. Are ya'll really jockin this chick that hard? Do ya'll hang out 24/7? Does HER opinion mean so much to you that you clamor for her attention? I agree with the ladies, constructive criticism is criticism that can be good for all involved. And debate is healthy! It's natural and challenges us, sometimes forces us, to THINK. I don't agree with everyone on here, but I do find myself THINKING about why they may feel the way they do. And to me that's a good thing.
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by naturallychelsea on 25th March 2011, 5:41 pm

@Fuzzypuff grl I had to run and edit my post. Seeing it bolded with all those mistakes made me cringe. I'm writing from an iPOD so it's messed up.

Neways I agree that some people have an unatural obsession with some people. Granted I may stalk this forum and CN blog way too much but if CN did do something that was out of line I would hope I would not let her gorgeous hair blind my better judgement and defend her tooth and nail. Also I really can't see myself putting my hands in fire for her unless the person was way out of line. If it's a simple debate on a forum why would I be hostile towards another natural. Like hell I thought we were fighting the same fight. Btw I was just giving an example I have no beef with CN :-)

To end I think we simply have to be careful how we word what we type. The person on the other end cannot see the smile on your face or the hear the light hearted tone in your voice. Also starting a hurtful comment with 'I don't mean to be rude' or 'don't take this the wrong way' still makes I hurtful. Also adding jks and lol at the end will not make it all better. Lastly do not let your anonymity embolden you to be mean.





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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Indigo.Blue on 26th March 2011, 2:20 pm

/correction: me and CB agree a lot, but we usually come to different conclusions/

Hey CreoleBeauty!!! I totally appreciate you! I love the way we can express our differences, acknowledge our similarities, and understand the difference between written tone and verbalized tone. I thoroughly enjoy debating with you and I also learn a lot from you. That is a result of being able to express your opinions.

I am sorry I missed your big chop, but the waves...whoa, I got a little motion sick (okay, that was corny...lol). I am still trying to figure out how to get those Queen Latifah waves from the movie The Secret Life of Bees...they were perfect. You got a nice wave pattern going. Congratz!!!

Anyway, I am not one to sit back and complain about the way things are ran. I totally recognize that this is not my site. I am disappointed with the leaders for just deleting or stopping post because there is a little heat instead of lending their support and leadership. It is even more disappointing because this site is run by a licensed psychotherapist and the tag line is Hair Therapy. Censoring is not therapeutic. It just allows things to fester. I wonder how many people told Jared Laughner (Congresswoman Gifford's shooter), to shut-up or kicked him out of class instead of listening. That is not the way you treat people. People are not disposable. I wonder if there would have been a different outcome if someone would have taken the time to listen instead of writing him off. Probably not, because he was crazy anyway right?

Here is a quote my best friend shared with me from Bowling for Columbine (about the Columbine school shootings) Manson was blamed for the actions of the kids and here is his response:

Michael Moore: If you were to talk directly to the kids at Columbine or the people in that community, what would you say to them if they were here right now?
Marilyn Manson: I wouldn't say a single word to them I would listen to what they have to say, and that's what no one did.


Anyway, this is pointless. I do not feel welcome here. My time has expired. I killed Indigo.Blue…
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by dajewel on 26th March 2011, 3:34 pm

...i meant to ignore this thread, but...let me clear my throat....

@indigo.blue: converse to your 'experience' i have found diversity of opinion, life, experience, etc has been encouraged, welcomed and celebrated on this forum.

*insert steve harvey blank look* i am finding it hilarious that you are playing the damsel in distress card when it is YOU who starts the crazyness. i have been a member of this forum longer than you (i joined sometime in 2009) and i have to say no crazyness, bachannal, unwarranted words that ruffled feathers consistently occurred until u brought ur nonsense up in here (yes, i said it). u talk about 'argue ur point' BUT u have consistently hit below the waist (examples: mtm and this other thread http://www.curlynikki.forumotion.com/t7299p25-spinoff-unsolicited-commentary-natural-hair). (s/n: what is this 'argue ur point' and i like to 'challenge' people u ALWAYS bring up? are u trying to prove, albeit behind an animated picture on the internet that you are more righteous than the next person? is like u LIVE for drama).

dwl @ the selfish and critical skills comments lol while dwl and smh

i have found that many times my opinions are not the popular opinion, BUT i back up my opinions in a fair and conducive manner imo and as such i haven't noticed a cricket effect when i speak(but i will probably after this post). haven't u noticed that many of ur posts go unanswered when u chime in...i know am not the only one who sees u are unstable...and if indeed u are clinically-deemed unstable I pray that you seek counseling and stay on ur meds (am not trying to be mean here).

am not hiding behind an animated avator pic....u all know who i am. i am just as outspoken in person as i am on this forum; that is how i have been since birth. i am WELL known in real life to always point out the purple elephant sitting in the middle of the room.

in conclusion, *in a stoic, matter of fact tone* i said all i needed to say in regards to u. i don't care to take the time or energy to 'discuss' anything with u because i have better, more interesting and pressing things to do/discuss on this forum and in person (as i know everyone else does, and i should have followed suit but i felt compelled to put u in ur place). therefore, the matter re:indigo.blue is over in my book, and u will not hear a peep from me about this again.


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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by creolebeauty1 on 26th March 2011, 3:49 pm

OKAY ladies idk what brought this to this but i think that we all have strong opinions and beliefs and should not be concentrated on getting the last word we can say what we think debate it and move on that;s all i would think is necessary everything else isn't needed @ indigoblue i do not think you should leave or feel not welcomed the only suggestion i would make is to sometimes listen twice and speak once because i had to start doing that myself
I got my "waves" lol by putting on some curl enhancing smoothie and some eco Styler i was feeling myself that day lol @dajewel don't be mean young lady come on can we all get along ? "larry king moment lol "
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by dajewel on 26th March 2011, 4:05 pm

oh geezums lol this is what indigo.blue cowardly pm'd me...what u couldn't post this on the thread for all to see ur true nature?? or u could have responded on this thread and i would have still let u have the last word because i would not have responded.

"Dajewel:


My hope for you :

I hope a tragedy on you and your family in immense proportions. I hope you pain and suffering that is unbearable.
I hope one of your loved ones gets really sick and loses their job.
I hope a really bad accident on you and you become disabled.
I hope you fall in love with someone who gives you a terminal disease.
And most of all…I hope you rub someone the wrong way and they seriously deform you and then you have to go to therapy and take a life time of medication because you just don’t understand why someone would do something so horrible.
When this happens, think of me
Be well!"

no j/k this is what she said. she hits below the waist. best believe that i don't operate like indigo.blue because am a firm believer that what u put out in the universe will come back to u. as such, that is why i operate on the theme of telling the truth and not sugar coating because my parents have taught me that and my life is so much better when i recognize and honor the truth, no matter how good or bad the truth is. i responded to her 'whoa, be careful what u wish for...this world is round...'


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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by dajewel on 26th March 2011, 4:05 pm

creolebeauty1 wrote:OKAY ladies idk what brought this to this but i think that we all have strong opinions and beliefs and should not be concentrated on getting the last word we can say what we think debate it and move on that;s all i would think is necessary everything else isn't needed @ indigoblue i do not think you should leave or feel not welcomed the only suggestion i would make is to sometimes listen twice and speak once because i had to start doing that myself
I got my "waves" lol by putting on some curl enhancing smoothie and some eco Styler i was feeling myself that day lol @dajewel don't be mean young lady come on can we all get along ? "larry king moment lol "

i wasn't be mean but stating the truth
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by creolebeauty1 on 26th March 2011, 4:10 pm

WOW no comment affraid
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by dajewel on 26th March 2011, 5:37 pm

interesting...she now claims she "knows" my first and last name...lol and again and she still hasn't addressed her harassing pm's on this thread. if she's believes in obeah (black magic) plz understand that my family and i are God-fearing and God- loving because of our outstanding relationship with HIM and as such we know that nothing can overcome HIM and HIS power.
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by fuzzypuff on 26th March 2011, 6:52 pm

I came back to comment and just read dajewel's post....im shocked. Seriously. There is no reason for this nastiness, esp. on this site. Please, let's not make such personal statements towards people. Its rude and immature and hurtful. My heart hurts right now.....
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Ambitious_Tiff on 26th March 2011, 7:32 pm

Oooooookaaaaaayy. So um... Yeah... I'm not trying to piss anybody off but...

@Indigo.Blue
Long time no see. I typically enjoy your "unpopular opinions." Its refreshing to see not only the diversity in our hair but in our way of seeing things. However, while we are all "beautifully human," human nature usually dictates that we do, say, or think in the manner that best serves or preserves us or those like us. It is not uncommon for people to feel you are either for them or against them and to fight/argue accordingly. I know a lot of people that will argue you down about something even if they are dead wrong and you can prove it (Lol, I have been guilty of it a few times myself). Perhaps sometimes it is best to just state your opinion and move on. Just leave something for those who are reading to think about. It could possibly be much more effective than an actual debate sometimes. I don't believe the Admins or Mods delete or "censor" the site to quash differences in opinion. I believe its merely an effort to keep CN as a welcoming place as possible. There have been a few debates here to get very nasty so I could understand the thread being deleted or posting being stopped on that topic. We're here to uplift one another and help each other with our haircare woes, not argue about matters beyond our control. It changes the tone of the forums and takes away from the main reason we are here. All in all I love your posts and would hate to see you go! Oh yes, I hope that if you did send that PM to Dejewel, you didn't mean it. We are all so much better than hurtful comments such as those. God forbid any of those things were to happen. It would be a very sad thing.

@Dejewel
Wow, those words hurt me. I applaud your outspokenness also. Everyone is not strong enough to have as much conviction in their thoughts, words, or actions. There is no need to be quite that venomous in doing so though. I understand you view Indigo a certain way but labeling her as unstable is hitting below the belt as well unless there is proof in hand to back it up. Still, telling someone's business on the net is messy even if it is true (not saying you are, just speaking in general). Someone hitting below the belt does not give you license to do it too. Don't lower yourself that way. If someone is unstable, there's not much you pointing it out on the forums will do but inflame them. You're a brilliant woman. The first real chemist I have ever "seen." There's nothing wrong with telling the truth and not sugar coating things but adding a little tact into the equation could go a ways.

@CreoleBeauty
I was wondering the same thing. What on Earth is going on? I'm seeing some serious 'tude...

@Fuzzypuff
I'm so with you on the headache...

Ladies, I'm just hoping we all can play nice. Its unrealistic to expect everyone to agree on everything all the time but we all should be able to agree to disagree. I look forward to the next constructive debate.
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by cluelesscurl on 26th March 2011, 8:18 pm

Wow!!! let's not be like other blogs that I no longer visit because of stuff like this. I think we can agree to disagree it's been said many times before this happens to be one of the most friendly and inviting blogs that I've been to and this is sending the wrong message to people visiting for the first time Im a little shocked

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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Life.of.Riley on 26th March 2011, 10:01 pm

Oh my Dejewel *tear*
You really must not like Indigo.Blue
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Duchess52 on 27th March 2011, 12:04 am

@Ambitious_Tiff : I agree!!!
Hope we are not going to start/continue this again......
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by dajewel on 27th March 2011, 4:10 am

all, i did not come at indigo.blue wrongfully, tactless, etc. i do not apologize for speaking the truth. it is not rudeness, but is the truth. i am posting the pm's to show u the true side of indigo.blue, and not to rally people.

mind you, i never once brought up anything about her romantic status and she chooses to come out of the woodwork and bring this up in discussion. indigo.blue: have balls and be an adult and attack me per the info that i posted and don't extrapolate to something as far fetch as my personal relationship status. i have no problem when rudeness is dished out to me, but have balls and place ur rebuttal in public than rather go and hide.

update:

the latest pm from indigo.blue, (and this is not made up):

"RE: MY HOPE FOR YOU

From Indigo.Blue To dajewel, Today at 1:17 am

You are not afraid, yet you are notifying the authorities. Let me know when they laugh in you face. You can dish out rudeness, but want to run and tell when I dish it back. I play chess, just know I am always a move ahead of you.

So you chose to post my pm on the thread hoping others will join you and gang up on me. You hoped they would chime in and say how much they hate me as much as you do...but you #fail! Lack of intelligence cannot hide behind a degree. I love the way you totally attempted to insult me then were offended by my response. You comment was below the belt but your lack of comprehension skills prevents you from recoginizing that.

I can tell you are single. I am sure you have few friends and the ones you have probably talk about you behind your back, "Tiff thinks she knows everything. She betta go somewhere with that chemistry degree" or "how can she have a chemistry degree and can't figure out a man's chemistry...lol"

I am happy some of the CN readers are smarter than you and did not take your bait.

Be well...lol"

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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by sydnisd183 on 27th March 2011, 11:37 am

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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Duchess52 on 27th March 2011, 12:00 pm

And again this thread is going where we don't want it to go....
I am not reading any new post on this thread anymore!!!
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by Ambitious_Tiff on 27th March 2011, 2:30 pm

**smh**
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by MelMelBee on 28th March 2011, 7:51 pm

Well, I'll be darned! I just happened to come back on here because I had been absent from the conversation for a few days and all I can say is "Jesus Help".

My 2 cents is this...we live in a world where Social Networking is the new "hanging out with friends". Therefore, we have to be prepared for folk to expose their psychopathology on here and other sites, because that does not take a back seat, whether on a forum or in real life. Truth be told, I don't live and breathe to please man, but to please God. Therefore, when I post on these sites, just like I operate in my daily life, my goal is that what I put out mirrors His love. Others don't always operate this way and thats fine...as long as we don't fall into the trap and begin to step outside of who we are in Him to address/correct others (the Holy Spirit will do that).

As I've written in other forums when folk decide to break far left...Love is Patient and Kind! All we can do is continue to put out what is pleasing to God. I'm praying against every negative thing that was put out toward DaJewel...and that we ALL are protected from the tricks and snares of the enemy!

Peace and Love Ya'll

and like The Duchess..."I'm Done and Out!"

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MelMelBee

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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

Post by A-Felice on 28th March 2011, 8:19 pm

I've been off this forum for months and just returned, and I was going to keep quiet because I don't know any of you, but I have to say, there isn't a single person on this board who has the right to say that someone else has mental problems. It is an extremely serious and consequential thing to say without evidence. It's not just something you can throw around. It's a serious medical condition that you’re talking about. I absolutely detest how the idea is being thrown around so very casually on this thread. I don't care if any of you are licensed professionals, you do not have the right to tell people they are mentally ill on the internet. It's as unethical as a doctor diagnosing cancer over the phone.
Stop it.
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Re: Negative Comments on the Curlynikki posts

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