Needing Support

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Needing Support

Post by NaturallyNatally on 8th February 2011, 7:04 pm

Okay so I decided to go natural last summer (July '10 was my last relaxer). While on my journey my mom begged me not to cut my waist length relaxed hair. I didn't for a while. Then in December i did a mini chop to shoulder length. My mom told me I needed pray and should sleep on the alter lol. But she liked my hair. At the same time my cousin, who is more like a big sis to me, decided she was gonna go natural too. I was so happy to have someone on this journey with me. But it actually seems that she is the one that supports me the least. I told her that I was ready to chop the rest of my relaxed ends off. She gave me every reason in the book NOT to do it. Even though she herself had just BC'd the day before. She told me I would mess up my hair and that I needed to retain some length. I just don't understand how its okay for her, btw I supported her NON-STOP even after she BC'd, I Love her hair, but she won't return the support. I just feel a little sad because I'm new to this and I just wanted someone to talk to about what i'm going through.
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Re: Needing Support

Post by ajsimmons8 on 8th February 2011, 8:39 pm

Hi Naturally, unfortunately, sometimes family are our least supporters especially when embracing our natural hair. Be proud of the steps you've taken so far and if you feel you are ready to BC then do it. it's your hair and your journey and know that the ladies on this forum are here to support you every step of the way.
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Re: Needing Support

Post by Just Ashley on 9th February 2011, 12:31 am

Like aj said, family members are going to be the one to support you less. Just the other day my grandmother told me I look like a thug with my twa. All you can do is hold your head high and tell yourself this is your hair journey. As soon as they see you being confident with the decision to be natural than they will start giving some positive comments.

I was going to transition for a long time until someone had said that being natural is not for me. I Bc'd that night and have been proving them wrong since. This forum and countless other sites helped me with the confidence I never had. If you can't find support with family or friends, the online natural hair community would gladly be your support.
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Re: Needing Support

Post by Emartini04 on 9th February 2011, 2:54 am

Maybe your cousin secretly feels she made a mistake cutting off her hair and doesn't want you to do the same. I can be wrong or right - only you know her best, but what ever it is so what. It's your choice. If you're ready for your BC then I say go for it.
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Re: Needing Support

Post by Nali1987 on 9th February 2011, 4:24 am

Hmm, this is tricky. If your cousin has supported you thus far, and if she's always been nice and supportive, her intentions might be good. I BC'ed yet I recommended my friend to transition. I told her why I thought she should wait, dealing with the awkward lenght can be hard sometimes and styles are limited. Plus she's the type that loves to do as little as possible with her hair, pull it in a bun, ponytail, etc. I think you should have a talk with your cousin, be honest with her. Ask her why she doesn't want you to BC and how you feel. (Remember she doesn't want you to BC, it's not like she doesn't want you to be natural right?)
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Re: Needing Support

Post by dajewel on 9th February 2011, 9:52 am

i just find it odd that your cousin who is as much as a newly natural as yourself is dispensing advice (ex. cutting would mess up your hair and you needed scratch to retain length). i haven't ever seen those who have been on a successful natural hair/hhj ever say that. so, that tells me she is not much educated in proper hair care. does she frequent this site and others geared towards natural hair care??

i know that she is your family, but in life i have found that even you have to put your family in check/educate at times (in a diplomatic way that would help them see the errors of their way and want to be a better person after them seeing the light).
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Re: Needing Support

Post by NaturallyNatally on 9th February 2011, 10:45 pm

@dajewel She's been following what I have been learning from the natural hair sites. And so far her hair looks great. She ask all the time if I have any advice for her, I should tell her that washing your hair in Windex will keep it moisturized...wait no, that's not nice. @Nali1987 & Emartini04 She knows that I have had long hair all my life and probably thinks that I can't do anything with shorter styles, that's the only thing i can think of as to why she wouldn't be as supportive. I'm so glad that there are hair forums like this. I feel so much better having someone to talk to about it. Thank u so much ladies @ajsimmons8 and Just Ashley too ♥
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Re: Needing Support

Post by Phenomenise on 10th February 2011, 8:29 am

Girl do what makes you happy lol. I just posted my after pic on facebook and some people i was cool with cracked jokes. One of my ex's said i went all brittney and asked where my umbrella was. The others asked me why and when i told them they supported me. Others still were like i wish i could and that it was beautiful. You can't make in like doing what other people like all the time. My hair was breaking off and dead limp. They would rather me hold on to that. I'd rather crank out some natural new new lol.

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Re: Needing Support

Post by Ambitious_Tiff on 10th February 2011, 4:47 pm

I really believe that your natural journey will tell you a lot about yourself and a lot about the company you've been keeping. I know the statement I am about to make is probably tired but its true. This journey is about you and your hair. Talk to your cousin and see why she doesn't want you to cut it. Like someone else said, her intentions could be good. Explain to her what you want for yourself. How you want to handle it and what you hope to achieve. Perhaps you guys need to have a candid talk about you walks and decide from there if you will continue "together". Ultimately you should do what is comfortable for you.
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