Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

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Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 7th January 2011, 9:51 pm

Hello,CN comunity! I stopped getting perms Sept. 2009,and cut it all off March 2010. Since then I've worn TWA (loved it) but now my hair has grown,and I finally tried to figure out my type. 4C seems to match the best. Yet the deeper I research the more I see there are so few hair examples for 4C! And worse,it seems a good bit of the natural community doesn't believe it exists! Well.......what was I to do? I cried,fussed,and considered wearing kinky twists forever. However there is just something about running your hands through your own hair! I've tried twist-outs,perm rods,wash-n-gos,and just plan blow outs. Blow outs are the only thing that look remotely good. So,I guess I'm here hoping another 4C will be willing to take me under watch and help me get through this hard time. Thank you all,and I love this site!
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by LittleOne on 7th January 2011, 10:08 pm

Don't cry sweetie! What products are you using right now?
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 7th January 2011, 10:23 pm

I shampoo once a month or so with One'n only moisture repair shampoo(sulfte free)
Conditioner-Proclaim Olive Glossing Conditioner and Beyond the Zone Noodle Head
Leave in?-cantu shea butter and beyond the zone protein cocktail
Curly stuff??-Beyond the Zone Noodle Head
Oil(my head needs it!!)-Motions Marula Natural Therapy Hair and Scalp Oil

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Madeaj on 7th January 2011, 10:32 pm

Don't cry, please. The ladies here are wonderful and somehow you'll get through this. One of the places I found when I started my internet search is nappturology 101, her page has a link to a whole forum of Cnapps. That's what they call themselves. I really enjoyed reading her blog, she hasn't updated in a while, but reading the back issues took me an enjoyable while.

http://nappyme.wordpress.com/
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 7th January 2011, 10:34 pm

Madeaj wrote:Don't cry, please. The ladies here are wonderful and somehow you'll get through this. One of the places I found when I started my internet search is nappturology 101, her page has a link to a whole forum of Cnapps. That's what they call themselves. I really enjoyed reading her blog, she hasn't updated in a while, but reading the back issues took me an enjoyable while.

http://nappyme.wordpress.com/

Wow! This seems really nice! Cnapps seems like a nice way to look at this kinda hair type.

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by LittleOne on 8th January 2011, 2:30 am

kitsune899 wrote:I shampoo once a month or so with One'n only moisture repair shampoo(sulfte free)
Conditioner-Proclaim Olive Glossing Conditioner and Beyond the Zone Noodle Head
Leave in?-cantu shea butter and beyond the zone protein cocktail
Curly stuff??-Beyond the Zone Noodle Head
Oil(my head needs it!!)-Motions Marula Natural Therapy Hair and Scalp Oil

Well, Madeaj hooked u up! I've never heard of Cnapps - learn something new everyday! Your product line up looks good. Once a month shampoo is too little in my opinion, check out this article... http://www.hairliberty.org/black-hair-care/articles/hair-education/shampoo-schedule.html. Please check your shampoo against the checklist in the article, especially re: hard water. That makes a huge difference with tight curls.

Other than that, I think you might just be at an awkward length phase. I've had a few of those. I'm sure you'll learn a few styling tricks from the Cnapps girls. If you still don't like the way things are turning out, go back to the kinky twists for a while. Awkward phases pass pretty quickly once you find a protective style that you're comfortable with...we're probably only talking about 8 weeks max. You know lots about hair care now. Do what feels healthy and reasonable, sometimes that's blow outs, sometimes it's twists - don't stress or cause yourself frustration.
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 8th January 2011, 3:18 am

Oh wow,thanks! I guess maybe its the length. Hopefully I can make it through! I guess I could try shampooing more too! Thanks!!

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Lovnit85 on 9th January 2011, 5:36 pm

I'm 4C also so I feel your pain. I'm still learning many things also so I have limited ability to counsel anyone. But I give you my full support. Don't cry! The major thing that has helped me is changing the way I think about my hair. When I was relaxed I acted out of hatred toward it. Now as I learn more I love my hair, even on bad hair days! The other thing I would suggest is having realistic hair expectations. Resist the temptation of hair envy by coveting other hair textures, accept what your hair can do, and look at other 4C's results for inspiration.

Your 4C sister!
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 11th January 2011, 8:22 pm

Hi Lovnit85!! Finally another person that can understand!!
Well,I've been searching all day,and I'm gonna try one different way to do my hair and see if I can get anything to show curl-wise. If not,then I'll be a cotton head forever,eh?
I can never find 4c pics! They all look like 4b to me! Wit actually curl patterns you know?

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Madeaj on 11th January 2011, 8:28 pm

Hey Kitsune (love the name by the way) Some people without obvious curl pattern acheive the look with twist out and braid outs. Someone recently told me I had 3a/3c hair so I shouldn't have any problems. I had to tell her, those big shiny waves and curls in my hair was from twisted braidout and nothing else.
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 11th January 2011, 9:21 pm

Omg,I've TRIED!!! Twist outs look terrible on me. My hair refuses to curl into those lovely locks I see everyone else's do! I've tried all kinds of processes to do them too. Of course I may not like the length of my hair when I do it either. Its just long enough so I look like I have cheetos coming out of my head Sad
I tried not combing like mentioned in this comment thread
here but it my hair tangles SO badly I almost wanna scream. For now I've done my usual wash,and comb (kinda looks like a brushed down fro when it's dry.).

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Lovnit85 on 11th January 2011, 10:48 pm

@Kitsune899. May I ask what was the last (failed) technique or method you used to do your twists/twist outs? Also, have you tried bantu knots? I just tried them over the weekend and I achieved a fluffy curly fro. The other thing is ( I hate to break it to you) 4c's don't have a curl pattern just accept it. All curls must be manipulated! I'm excited to find another 4c, just know that we're out there. One more thing, search youtube video's for 4C naturals I've found many hair twins like ourselves on there.
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 11th January 2011, 11:19 pm

When I tried the twist out I'd do my regular wash,then twist my hair basically with a little gel. It comes out "curly" but it bothers me a bit how it looks.

I've been Youtube stalking for a while,and when I read the comments I notice how many people seem to say the 4c is actually 4b,or whatever. To me the cotton head is a give away to being 4c. There are a few I watch,but I guess I'm desperate to find the "one" you know? The one that goes "I'm 4c!" and I'm like "WOW!! Give me your hair.". I have serious curl envy I think.

I haven't tried bantu knots. I'll look those up next!

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Lovnit85 on 11th January 2011, 11:31 pm

@Kitsune899. Ok I know b2back posts are a little weird but I just realized something, in your first post all the hairstyles that you mentioned were "out" styles. So I"ll tell you a little of what I learned. I bc'd 1 1/2 ago and while the out styles were fine for a twa, as my hair quickly grew, I had more tangles, dryness and breakage. I was watching Kimmaytube and she suggested wearing a protective style most of the time and treating yourself to an out style. So that's what I started doing, when I was on a roll I would two strand twist with either Cantu Shea butter or (my favorite gel) Garnier brilliantine shine wet gel (must have that description) on monday and wear it out on sundays for my "treat". I experienced the most manageability and softness by doing that while spritzing everyday with water and sealing with shea butter oil. It was easier also to see where the breakage was at the end of the twists (just trim the poofy ends little by little. Fast forward to now, I've been experiencing breakage because I've been really sick due to severe morning sickness (hyperemesis) for months and have not been able to keep my religious hair schedule. I can really see the difference in my hair with all of the out styles that I have been doing. Don't worry though I'm starting to at least twist my hair at night which helps a lot with the dryness. Now I know you may not like the protective styles but I think you'll generally find that the naturals and especially the 4C naturals who keep their hair in protective styles have the most manageability and length retention!

Below is a twist out updo style I did for a friends wedding that I attended. At this time my hair was so manageable and was growing well.
Hope that helped
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 11th January 2011, 11:42 pm

Oh so cute!

Oh,ok,so I should wear twists or braids during the week? But for how long? Also,my twists are terrible looking. I'd never get away with them at my job! But there is no way I'm gonna pay $150 for someone to braid my hair.............
Also,if you're in protective styles all the time,how do you get to enjoy the manageability and length retention? That would make me sad to have to see those lovely locks get wrapped up. I'll try though. I'm sure if I have to wear braids as my main style,I'll learn to do them well.

La sigh,and here I was thinking deciding to go natural was the hard part!!

Mad

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Lovnit85 on 11th January 2011, 11:54 pm

Yawn I'm still up Lol ok so I'm a little addicted Smile But to answer your question if its about going to work and I guess you probably have puffy roots with your twists, have you tried finger coils? They are a lot tighter than twisting or braiding short hair and they can be easily tamed with a headband. As far as the enjoying my hair with protective styles I enjoy my hair the most when it's healthy. When I was relaxed, looking cute was all that mattered, I just didn't want to bring that mentality into my natural hair journey. To tell you the truth the renewing of the mind is actually the most helpful and healthy change for my hair, but it happens slowly. Also, the more your hair grows, the more styles you can do and the more you"ll learn to love what it can do!
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 12th January 2011, 12:01 am

SO sorry to keep you up!

I understand trying to look cute. Natural or not,we're women and we like to look cute! But I guess I have kinda forgot the major reason I went natural,wanting strong healthy hair. I'll try finger coils,and and keep looking for protective styles. I'm sure everyone who does their hair started like me,not having a clue! But hopefully I'll figure something out,and talking with you has helped SO very much!Hopefully in a few months I can fully love my hair again!! Thank you!!! You can go to sleep now,lol.

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Madeaj on 12th January 2011, 12:01 am

Kitsune

When I was transitioning I wore my hair mostly in buns and twists. When I finally cut the last of the relaxed ends off I wore mostly twists. Rarely twist outs because I didn't like how my hair kind of floated around like fluffy cotton candy. Couldn't get a proper afro, my hair is too fine. My twists are scalpy, and kind of hotmess looking at first. I just held my head up and if anybody suggested I could have got them done by a professional I just gave them the sideeye and kept going. lol. I was NOT going to pay someone 80 bucks a week to do what I could do myself.

I got better at them and my hair got longer and people started asking me WHERE I got them done and how much did it cost. The best part was when people thought I added hair because my hair had seemingly grown so fast.

I still don't wear my hair out much more that twice a month. The tangled dry mess I'd have on my hands is too much to consider. I wear twists, buns, and braids. At night, I spritz with distilled water, smooth on a little homemade butter and put my hair in braids, pineapple and put on my scarf for bed.


Last edited by Madeaj on 12th January 2011, 12:03 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : added a word)
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 12th January 2011, 12:15 am

My hair is ear lobe length when stretched. What can I do with such short twists? Btw,I have a secret......I hate how big my head is. So anything that makes it look bigger is a no for me. You should have seen my reaction when I had to walk out with a TWA!!!

I'm gonna look up some pics of people with twists and see if I can find any that don't make me shiver when I imagine myself in them. I've had kinky twists once,and that had added hair,so they were fine because they were longer than my head is big(confusing,but its that proportion that only makes sense to the person wearing the style,you know?)

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by kitsune899 on 12th January 2011, 12:26 am

I'm looking up other protective styles also. The more I think about,and as much as it bothers me.......I will probably put my hair away into a protective style for a few months.
At least till I can figure out more to do with it. At this point I guess its ust trying them out till I can find one that I can do,works for my job(and hopefully a new one!),and I can live with everyday!

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by coilykinks on 14th January 2011, 12:23 pm

Don't cry sweetie. Most of us are on this website because we need help. My hais is 4b/4cish and the important thing is to find products that work for your hair, I have learned that determines the outcome of the style. A Stylist told me that Qhemet works best on our hair type.Amla oil and heavy cream by Qhemet mixed with ecostyler gel is great for twists.

Whenever u need help check out this site or YouTube for ideas.
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by ginabina on 21st January 2011, 9:42 pm

Madeaj
Do you henna?

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by Madeaj on 21st January 2011, 11:04 pm

@ ginabina

Yes I henna. I love it, my feels wonderful. woot!
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by ginabina on 21st January 2011, 11:35 pm

@Madeaj
Thank you for your reply. I purchased some henna from Mehendi but I do not want the red color. B-n-B has a brown henna with out indigo. How often do you henna?

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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

Post by JessiWantsCurls on 22nd January 2011, 1:05 am

I'm a transitioning 4c (or so it seems so far). Since I'm still transitioning I can't provide much advice, buy thought I'd let you know you're not the only lost 4c soul out there. Good luck in your journey!
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Re: Tired of crying,asking humbly for support.

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