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The way men perceive you now that you are NATURALLY BEAUTIFUL

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Post by Curly Beauty 1st December 2009, 3:34 pm

I am a sophmore in college and I am learing how to chose the right men to date. Trying to to date now-a-days can get a bit rediculous [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] . Since I have been wearing my hair natural (may 9, 2009) I have noticed that the "player" type of men do not try to approach me as frequently [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] . I think this has to do with the full journey that natural hair has taken me on. Wearing my hair natural has even changed the way I have started to dress, I tend to go for dresses and flowy tops now instead of my old look of spandex tight jeans and tank tops. If you think about it most naturals tend to take the focus off of there bodies and aim it more on who they really are inside. Rocking my curls has become my secrete weapon to finding a man that is not looking for the tipical women! Any other naturals experience a shift in the way they carry themselves? Or what type of men are drawn to them?
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Post by tiashaunteé 1st December 2009, 4:27 pm

This is funny to me:
My hubby had locs when I met him and still does, although it's a new batch. He was also the one that encouraged me to wear my hair naturally.
Since then I have been attracting (unwanted) a lot of earthy-neosoul-eccentric guys with locs.
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Post by Jonezy 1st December 2009, 4:57 pm

I was dating my now husband through my transition (no bc), to natural--he was amazed by the curls lol. Now that my hair is all natural I don't see a change in who tries to approach me it has always been random no specific "type"--but I do get "what are you mixed with/you must be mixed" a lot now as the conversation starter from certain ones.... Neutral


As far as the way I dress--I think I used to be more "matchy"... now I'll wear whatever, whenever--and take more risks w/ fashion.
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Post by Notthecoolmom 1st December 2009, 7:48 pm

I think it would have been a different story (dating) if I would have gone natural in college. Probably less headache. I was always told I had pretty hair and guys would get mad after I cut it short, but won't try to date me when it was long. I'm married with a child now so most guys don't approach me because I'm out with my family most of the time, but those that do stare at me more than I remember when I was relaxed. I also think I don't have an "inviting" look when dealing with men because I don't want any misunderstandings.
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Post by NhappyJackie 2nd December 2009, 3:00 pm

Well, My DH loves my natural hair. And it seems like I am getting approached by all types of men everytime I go somewhere....including Dollar Tree..lol. Makes me more confident about my decision.
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Post by MzLaLaRochelle 2nd December 2009, 3:19 pm

I was just discussing this topic with friends the other day. I've noticed that less black men notice me and that white men seem to have taken a particular interest in me. I don't have an racial preferences when it comes to dating, but I have found this to be more of a trend. Based on personal observation, unless the black man has dreads or some other type of 'neo-soul' look, they seem to prefer women with long curly hair, permed hair, or weaves..what about us with short happily nappy hair? Anyone else notice this, or am I losing it? (lol) Maybe it's just me..
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Post by natural83 2nd December 2009, 5:36 pm

As a single young lady, ready to mingle...LOL, I've had great feedback from guys with my natural hair! Whenever I'm out, and the guys that do and have approached me, almost always compliment me on my hair! And these are black guys at that! I always find that amazing, being that a lot of guys like girls with long straight hair. But I honestly think, most of them really do prefer a chick that can pull off the natural look. A lot of my guy friends say that they DON'T like weaves and all that! I think the more mature a guy is, the more he can appreciate and handle a natural sistah! And if not, then nine times outta ten, he's intimidated!!!!!
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Post by staishique 2nd December 2009, 6:02 pm

There is a definite difference in the kinds of guys that I attract now that I'm natural. I tend to pull older guys, 30+ (by no means is that old. I'm 22, so in comparison the age difference is substantial), and lots of eclectic/neo-soul/afrocentric/fro'd/loc'd guys. I've noticed that I pull a lot of Caribbean guys now, too. Also I've been approached more by Hispanic and White guys.

I'm approached by guys differently as well. I'm often called 'sis,' or 'queen,' or more humorously Erykah Badu/Jill Scott (I look nothing like them). I don't get the 'yo ma', can I talk to you,' anymore (thankfully).

My pool has opened up to wide assortment of flavors and varities.
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Post by MzLaLaRochelle 2nd December 2009, 11:55 pm

@Natural83 Thanks for your post! Glad to know there is hope! woot!
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Post by natural83 3rd December 2009, 12:00 am

@MzLaLaRochelle Girl yes, there is hope! And in my opinion, its all about you, your personality, and swagger! If you have all 3 on lock, and that hair is fly.....the guys will come running! Black, White, Asian, Mexican, etc. whatever....they won't be able to resist! Confidence is key!
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Post by TerraD 3rd December 2009, 3:33 am

LOL @ natural83, I agree with you!
I think there is a maturity that comes with natural hair. We stand out and we know it, so we carry ourselves a certain way. Confidence kind of naturally comes with it, once again because we are noticed when we enter a room!
I am single, as well and have never been approached or noticeably admired like this. My one issue is that my curls make me look younger, so guys are afraid that I'm a baby! LOL
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Post by Oldine 3rd December 2009, 11:55 am

staishique wrote:There is a definite difference in the kinds of guys that I attract now that I'm natural. I tend to pull older guys, 30+ (by no means is that old. I'm 22, so in comparison the age difference is substantial), and lots of eclectic/neo-soul/afrocentric/fro'd/loc'd guys. I've noticed that I pull a lot of Caribbean guys now, too. Also I've been approached more by Hispanic and White guys.

I'm approached by guys differently as well. I'm often called 'sis,' or 'queen,' or more humorously Erykah Badu/Jill Scott (I look nothing like them). I don't get the 'yo ma', can I talk to you,' anymore (thankfully).

My pool has opened up to wide assortment of flavors and varities.

You couldn't be anymore accurate! When I was 16 (19 now) a cop
approached me trying to get my digits and whatnot (He had to be at
least 36, pushing 40). When he found out I was 16 he was shocked and
had that "aww man, how about in a couple of years look." Most of the
guys that approach me now are either in their thirties or almost there.

@ Jonzey, My style of dress has DEFINITELY changed, and it happened so subtly. I went from the skinny jeans with the sneakers to Boho skirts and sandals
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Post by StacyB 3rd December 2009, 10:49 pm

Wow ladies wonderful topic!!!! I agree with Natural83, Staishique, Curly Beauty . The type of guys that approach me are the different types. The ones who love my hair, want to touch it and everything. I don't get the players who want to just XXX. I get guys who are the "neo-soul" type. (I probably would meet more if I went to other places besides school and work). But I have change how I dress a little bit. It just seems you are more conscious of yourself and who you are within instead of the material possessions on the outside. I just love being natural.
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Post by curly+kinky+fierce 5th December 2009, 11:09 am

ooo wee! lovin this thread! @ curlybeauty this is a great time (college) to recognize the losers and "players" I wish I had known better then

Im 23 and I have ALL types of guys and races trying to holla! lol...Now ive noticed more men of other races, and it seems like everytime a guy walks past he takes an extra long look (prob at my hair) ....i do not get called "shawty" "lil mama" or all those stupid names anymore..but as someone previously stated "sista" or "queen" is used very often...when i was trasitioning and my hair was long and poofy is the first time i was called "queen" and i knew i loved it! lol

@ Terra I also look super young! Lately Mandy's molestor (the guy who always plays in my hair) has telling me i look like im about 5yrs old (overboard right?) but said i was cute tho...

IDK if the guys who approach me are truly about something bc i havent really dated much since natural...Im now just careful in selecting who i spend my precious time with..but im interested to see! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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Post by NappyJer19 6th December 2009, 9:00 pm

I go to Ole Miss and getting approached by a white guy is never going to happen! I noticed someone saying how most guys are attracted to long str8 hair/weaves but a lot of Africans guys have approached me this year, one of em is in the pharmacy school and that attracted me to him b/c i wanna do pharmacy too, but then I realized that he wasn't tryna talk to me last year when i was all in his face (with straight hair) but now that I have an afro he all in my face..like whts up with that? i'm not tryna get in a relationship right now, but it made me realize that all guys are really shallow if your hair is whats attracting them..
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Post by TerraD 7th December 2009, 12:00 am

LOL @ kinkycurlyfierce: That's was overboard, I was asked by a 30 year old if I was 15! And he was flirting big time. Gross!
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Post by NaturallyFierce88 27th December 2009, 6:42 am

WOW ladies!! keep it coming! i love reading this thread!! Personally, I dated a douche bag that was so closed minded that once stated that he liked ladies with long straight hair. We dated for a Year or so and I had Armpit length hair. when relaxed I would have a lot of guys with the "street" look (not to be taking offensively) with the "hey lil ma" or "whats up shawty" now that I'm completely natural, I am approached by guys with the neo soul look or guys that dress like carlton banks lol. The point is, I really think its something that Men understand about natural hair, that attracts them to it and us. A lot of guys just don't know enough about it because they are so used to seeing their mothers or sisters or whoever relaxed.

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Post by lovelynaps26 27th December 2009, 11:14 pm

Great thread! It seems that in general there seems to be relationship between education and what men are attracted to. I don't think this necessarily has to be the case. However, judging my the comments regarding the "street type" guy v. the "neo-soul" guy there is an implicit understanding that one type is more enlightened and therefore is attracted to a woman who, by her very appearance, seems to be intellectually enlightened as well. I'm in grad school and I actually notice when I see another sister at the grad level with relaxed hair. In my mind I'm like "hmm...why hasn't she transitioned yet?" Similarily, all of the black female profs I know are natural. It's the reverse among the undergrads that I teach. Many (maybe 70%?) of the black female undergrads are relaxed. Yeah, i definitely agree with the maturity/natural correlation.

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Post by cdawnlujan 28th December 2009, 9:27 pm

Wow! I am currently in a relationship a guy who had locs, cut them and is not growing them again so we are both going on a long hair journey together! I used to be the type that HAD to have straight hair when I went out and just this year I actually go out with my naturally curly hair! I still get the same amount of compliments if not more and that really shocks/surprises/makes me feel great! I am starting to embrace being natural and I love it! Having a GREAT boyfriend who supports and loves my natural hair (actually prefers it) helps out tremendously!
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Post by TerraD 28th December 2009, 9:51 pm

A weird thing I recently realized.... I'm more attracted to the loc'd dudes, now that I've gone 100% natural. I think before I thought they'd be like "why is she trying to be white, straightening her hair!" and why is he with her? Now I feel worthy to date a natural loving man.
LOL, now maybe they notice me because I don't shy away! Who knows.
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Post by likethemoon 31st December 2009, 4:17 am

I work at an HBCU so I interact with all types of brothers and am happy to report that no one's reacted negatively to my natural. Granted I had a part-time comedian (not) or two throw up the black power fist when they first saw me post-BC, but I forgave their ignorance. Interestingly enough, a LOT of my compliments have come from men of all ages, from ethnicities other than black/AA, and younger sisters give me a lot of love and ask questions, all of which I happily answer.

Fortunately I have a wonderful fiance' that tells me daily how beautiful he thinks this wonderfully wild mane of mine is; he's been so supportive of me along this journey and gets a kick out of all the natural hair terminology. What more could a girl ask for? *swoon*
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Post by tiashaunteé 31st December 2009, 12:35 pm

likethemoon wrote:I work at an HBCU so I interact with all types of brothers and am happy to report that no one's reacted negatively to my natural. Granted I had a part-time comedian (not) or two throw up the black power fist when they first saw me post-BC, but I forgave their ignorance. Interestingly enough, a LOT of my compliments have come from men of all ages, from ethnicities other than black/AA, and younger sisters give me a lot of love and ask questions, all of which I happily answer.

Fortunately I have a wonderful fiance' that tells me daily how beautiful he thinks this wonderfully wild mane of mine is; he's been so supportive of me along this journey and gets a kick out of all the natural hair terminology. What more could a girl ask for? *swoon*

You work at FSU? I'm from Fayetteville....born and raised.
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Post by Empress8606 31st December 2009, 11:27 pm

what an interesting topic...personally ive not seen much of a difference in being appproached (well, besides not being approached at all) but then again ive been natural my whole life besides 1 time when i felt like relaxing my hair just for the heck of it. however of the guys i know, none have ever made a compliment on me wearing my hair out in either a raid out or t-n-c style, mostly i just get, "man you have alot of hair" or "is that how youre always gonna wear your hair now?". i dont necessarily dress differently but i do think certain styles look better with certain clothes and big hair can certainly set off an outfit.
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Post by cocoachanel 2nd January 2010, 4:18 pm

It's interesting that I've noticed that a lot the natural ladies who are gurus on blogs and youtube and such are married or at least in very serious relationships. It makes me think that men look at natural women as more of the marrying types. Even some of the more superficial men I know tend to be quite impressed with the fact that I not only take care of my own hair but do it in it's natural state. For many men it's not the fact that the hair is relaxed or natural it's the fact that it's the hair that grows out of your head that they seem to be most attuned to.
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Post by cocoachanel 2nd January 2010, 4:23 pm

staishique wrote:
I'm approached by guys differently as well. I'm often called 'sis,' or 'queen,' or more humorously Erykah Badu/Jill Scott (I look nothing like them). I don't get the 'yo ma', can I talk to you,' anymore (thankfully).

Lucky you! I got "pssst" in the street the other day. i just about died. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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