single and venting...

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single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 16th August 2010, 2:31 am

Here I am just being transparent... where do I begin... so I have been celibate for going on three years (patting myself on my back) I was just tired of knowing my worth and my boyfriend forgetting my worth.... it started when my highschool sweetheart and I started having a lond distance relationship and somewhere during our fly by relationship he just forgot who I was and we just became causual sex partners... I felt horrible once I realized what our relationship had turned into and how he was no longer thought of me as being his wife but a easy lay when he was in town... can you imagine my pain? So I called it off and its been three years I have been celibate... and single for most of the three years and it has not been an easy task... dating has been tough try telling a guy you want to wait till marriage and he may stick around for a little while i guess to see how strong your will is... but the truth of the matter is for every one women holding out for marriage there is ten women who will go for an easy lay. And on top of that I still have to answer to people who ask when are you going to get married... or why don't you have kids.....ugh I don't know the answer I guess I'm still holding on to the idea of happy ever after... prince charming has to be out there... so this walk I'm walking is a struggle but i wouldnt change.ge it for anything else cause through it all I have to be a better women for my husband to be, most of all I love myself way too much to be walked on by a man who can't see my worth. So I have grown to love being single and learning who I am as a women. If you made it this far through my rant I hope you leave knowing that your worth far more than a easy lay...and the man who is lucky enough to see your worth is lucky enough to have you!

"A women's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her"
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Re: single and venting...

Post by tiashaunteé on 17th August 2010, 1:52 pm

Great post! I wish more women were as strong-willed as you are when it comes to empowering themselves. I know a lot of "easy lays" that are miserable, so the other side of the fence is not as green as it make look sometimes.
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Re: single and venting...

Post by nattyblog on 17th August 2010, 2:59 pm

Great post! Great response! I like this kind of venting. Smile
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Re: single and venting...

Post by mizcreativelyme on 31st October 2010, 8:43 pm

Very well said and I agree totally. I feel that if more women understood that "remaining" pays off in the end, more of us would turn around, get it together and go this route. Men wouldn't have a choice but to wait if we put our spiritual happiness first. Yet we go through soooo many changes (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc) trying to keep up with the times. True, times have changed, but God hasn't. That's not to say that celibacy is easy because it's not. Yes, it is challenging but in the end God always honors faithfulness and you will be blessed with someone that respects your decision. I personally know several people who chose this route and they are married today. So it will work out. cheers
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Re: single and venting...

Post by CrissyQ on 31st October 2010, 10:04 pm

Thanks for posting and sharing. I wish I knew my worth then like I know my worth now however I would not have my two angels. I do not regret what happened in the past, i am actually greatful for it because it made me who I am today. A Woman who knows her worth.
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Re: single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 31st October 2010, 10:38 pm

hapilycurlee wrote:Very well said and I agree totally. I feel that if more women understood that "remaining" pays off in the end, more of us would turn around, get it together and go this route. Men wouldn't have a choice but to wait if we put our spiritual happiness first. Yet we go through soooo many changes (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc) trying to keep up with the times. True, times have changed, but God hasn't. That's not to say that celibacy is easy because it's not. Yes, it is challenging but in the end God always honors faithfulness and you will be blessed with someone that respects your decision. I personally know several people who chose this route and they are married today. So it will work out. cheers

I so needed that its been rough for me lately I dont know the devil had been busy... I was really feeling like just throwing in the towel. It seems like a hopeless battle. but I really needed to hear what you said its right on time!!! I have been flooded with the feeling of have a child of my own, I have been tending to babies lately and feel like I am missing something plus all my friends are married or dating so I kinda am just left out, so I have been feeling as if I am the LAST single lady out there...lol but this too shall pass I am trying to be patient with God and not go before him but boy this thing is HARD but like you said God will honor my faithfulness and will bless me for it!!!
Thanks again!!!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by mizcreativelyme on 1st November 2010, 11:55 pm

I so needed that its been rough for me lately I dont know the devil had been busy... I was really feeling like just throwing in the towel. It seems like a hopeless battle. but I really needed to hear what you said its right on time!!! I have been flooded with the feeling of have a child of my own, I have been tending to babies lately and feel like I am missing something plus all my friends are married or dating so I kinda am just left out, so I have been feeling as if I am the LAST single lady out there...lol but this too shall pass I am trying to be patient with God and not go before him but boy this thing is HARD but like you said God will honor my faithfulness and will bless me for it!!!
Thanks again!!![/quote]

My pleasure!!! It is important to encourage others along this journey of life. There are two songs I'd like to share with you to encourage yourself... Donny McClurkin/Karen Clark Sheard "Wait on the Lord" and "Let Go" by Kiki Sheard

One thing I would like to add, it matters to God how we wait. Remember to keep an attitude of gratitude. Consider this time in your life a time of growth and intimacy with God. Talk with Him as you go along this journey and He will guide you. As you date, if a guy isn't down with the "new you" let him WALK. You don't have to waste your time convincing. And most times you won't b/c if that's all the guy wants he won't last anyway. The man that is for you will respect your decision and will be interested in getting to know you for you. This is the man that will be interested in the long-haul with you. This is the man that will understand that waiting has nothing to do with playing a game with him, but has everything to do with not giving in to flesh, which is honorable in God's eyes. True, times have changed, but God hasn't changed and He's not going to allow everybody to just live any old kind of way. If you felt bad about how your last situation turned out, that should mean something. So if He has set you apart to be an example, just pray and ask .... God will show you how to present your new way of life to someone that's interested in you in a non-offensive manner. You don't have to be holier-than-thou or a holy-high-roller. Yet be firm, determined, and sure of your decision. The enemy (devil) can sense weakness and will try to play on that. And before you know it....ooops, ya done gave out a sample. Next thing you know God and his plan is on the back burner cause we doing what we (our mind/bodies)want to do. Done left God out on the front porch somewhere and ain't looked back to ask Him nothing...'till all heck breaks a loose and the guy get tired/bored of "your body" now he's gone and then comes the snottin and slobbin praying and looking around for God wanting Him to fix it (been there done that). So trust me, our plan will not work when God is at work. I have those same feelings of wanting a family, etc. But as my Grandma tells me while I'm waiting on God, "When you done ate, your whole family done ate. Right along through here you don't have to worry about getting chilluns up for school, getting up in the middle of the night cause the baby hollin/sickly, wondering where your husband is and why he's not participating as planned, will we have enough money for this that and the other, and all the responsibilities and changes that come along with having a family. Family is a beautiful thing but just be patient cause God has somebody for you and in His time, He'll send them. He's promised us that no good thing will He withhold from us. We just want to be sure that we are in a place to receive what he has for us. Until then, give God a chance to work, wait and continue to pray." (just gotta love my Granny)
So from me to you, I'm doing just that - it may be easier said than done. But it gets REAL easy when I sit back and think of ALL the things I have put myself through trying to do things my way. That's when I remind myself that enough is enough and there is no point in turning back. Nothing can give you the Peace you have when you know you are doing everything you can to live a life that is decent and in order. You sleep real good at night knowing ain't nobody done laid down and gave you nothing, you don't have any blood test pending, you ain't waiting on the phone to ring or trying to dodge the phone cause you don't want to be bothered anymore, etc. Trust me, a peace of mind is better than anxiety when your life is out of order or jumping ahead of His plan. Cause everybody that's married ain't happy and everybody that's happy ain't married. And everybody that you think that's gettin some ain't gettin none either. Otherwise, dudes wouldn't be up in your face trying to get a sample. So trade your envy of couples/families and get happy and be excited that you have options. Honey be that 3rd wheel and roll real proud. I do, I don't even let it get to me as much as I used to. Get you a pet or something (I did). And believe me, my kitty keeps me on my toes and is more than enough company right now. I understand that a pet does not "replace" having your own family per se'. But it will give you something else to focus on. Just whatever you do, don't give up and be encouraged my friend.
woot!


Last edited by hapilycurlee on 1st November 2010, 11:58 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : added)
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Re: single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 2nd November 2010, 10:29 am

Your words couldnt be anymore true... its is hard out there and I know that obedience is greater than the sacrifice. Yes its hard when I look at thing from the point of what I am missing out and I have to remind myself that its not about what I am missing out on but what I am gaining. I know that my walk isnt solely for me but for the others that God has placed around me. I get discouraged at times and it seems like I an in this struggle alone but after hearing your encouraging words I know that Im not in it along cause God is the provider and He continues to place people around me who speak the word of truth... thank your for seeing it fit to share encouraging words with me... i hope that someone else who reads these post is encouraged also!!

Oh and I am gonna find that KIKI Sheard song "Let go" Thanks again Be blessed!!!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by belleaenca on 23rd November 2010, 4:35 pm

This is a great post iculukin - thank you for venting/sharing.
I've been celibate going on 4 yrs this coming January. I've only had two serious relationship in my life, I was engaged to my first bf whom I knew deep down was not the man I wanted to spend my life with. Then the second (ex-bf), I actually did think he might be the one but we met at time neither of us was ready for that kind of commitment.

Since our break up, I've dated casually a couple of times but I remain firm in my determination to remain celibate till marriage. Sex complicate things, it makes you feel what could pass for love but isn't in actuality - I'd much rather be single than with the wrong man for the wrong reasons.


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Re: single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 23rd November 2010, 5:14 pm

belleaenca wrote:This is a great post iculukin - thank you for venting/sharing.
I've been celibate going on 4 yrs this coming January. I've only had two serious relationship in my life, I was engaged to my first bf whom I knew deep down was not the man I wanted to spend my life with. Then the second (ex-bf), I actually did think he might be the one but we met at time neither of us was ready for that kind of commitment.

Since our break up, I've dated casually a couple of times but I remain firm in my determination to remain celibate till marriage. Sex complicate things, it makes you feel what could pass for love but isn't in actuality - I'd much rather be single than with the wrong man for the wrong reasons.


Thanks for sharing, in January I am coming up on three years, three lonnng years may I add...lol but I feel you I rather be single than in something with the wrong reasons. I wish I knew more people who are being celibate it would make things a whole lot easier. I am celebrating my anniversary will you be celebrating yours? Im always finding reasons to celebrate!!!! Stay encouraged!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by belleaenca on 23rd November 2010, 5:19 pm

Really? I never thought about celebrating it but that makes so much sense!! LOL

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Re: single and venting...

Post by molove87 on 23rd November 2010, 5:42 pm

Stay strong girl!! You know what you want for yourself and you should go for it. Sex does confuses things..BIG TIME!! and this way your vision won't be clouded. It takes a big person to do what you're doing and you should be proud and honored, because doing the right thing isn't always easy. As already stated, you will be rewarded because of your dedication and commitment to god's will, you really should be proud of yourself!! I don't know you and I am.. continue to stand up for what you believe in.
** you SHOULD celebrate**
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Re: single and venting...

Post by belleaenca on 24th November 2010, 12:49 pm

Thank you, ladies for the support! Smile

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Re: single and venting...

Post by BajanPrincess82 on 24th November 2010, 1:07 pm

belleaenca wrote:This is a great post iculukin - thank you for venting/sharing.
I've been celibate going on 4 yrs this coming January. I've only had two serious relationship in my life, I was engaged to my first bf whom I knew deep down was not the man I wanted to spend my life with. Then the second (ex-bf), I actually did think he might be the one but we met at time neither of us was ready for that kind of commitment.

Since our break up, I've dated casually a couple of times but I remain firm in my determination to remain celibate till marriage. Sex complicate things, it makes you feel what could pass for love but isn't in actuality - I'd much rather be single than with the wrong man for the wrong reasons.

Thank you! What many women feel is "love" is really lust and celebacy removes the complication of confusing your feelings. I'm proud of ya'll for sticking to it and I know that God will bring that perfect man that he created just for you!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 24th November 2010, 1:59 pm

I too want to say thanks to everyone I hope we continue to encourage each other!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by Renny on 24th November 2010, 5:35 pm

BajanPrincess82 wrote:
belleaenca wrote:
Thank you! What many women feel is "love" is really lust and celebacy removes the complication of confusing your feelings. I'm proud of ya'll for sticking to it and I know that God will bring that perfect man that he created just for you!

I'm three years celibate since my divorce. Very hard after 13 years of marriage, but I'm determined not to repeat the mistakes of my youth and I'm glad so many of you have decided to decided to do the same.

You mention for every celibate woman there are ten who are not and that's true, but it's also true that after you've dated a man a few times and not been intimate, when he leaves, you are disappointed; the ones sleeping with him are disappointed and often feel used, even if they don't admit it. Giving in to sex isn't getting them married either.

28 is young. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you stay strong and you will meet a man who's looking for a woman that doesn't have treadmarks in the bed.

On this topic I have an excellent book suggestion. It's fiction. Here's a little about it.
http://www.urbanchristianfictiontoday.com/2009/03/sherri-lewiss-new-novelthe-list.html
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Re: single and venting...

Post by belleaenca on 24th November 2010, 5:59 pm


"Giving in to sex isn't getting them married either." This is part of the reason I decided to abstain. I didn't want to be intimate with someone just for the sake of being intimate. I want it to be special and I only want it to with that man God has destined just for me.

That is not to say it doesn't take hard work and determination to remain firm in my decision, but I don't mind because I know that it's worth it.

Ladies, have a Happy n safe Thanksgiving! (If you are in the states:)).

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Re: single and venting...

Post by SoFlyy on 2nd December 2010, 3:05 am

This is a great post! I feel exactly like you. I want a loving and trusting relationship. Seems like everyone is in a relationship but im not sure if its loving. I didn't think about being celibate until reading this post. It has been a while since I have done anything and I agree sex does complicate things. Its satisfying for that second, but when it's over with you still have that feeling of dissatisfaction. I am patiently waiting on God to send me the right one. I used to get depressed but once I prayed to him and had a conversation it made me feel a whole lot better. Let's see if I can do this Smile
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Re: single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 2nd December 2010, 10:09 am

SoFlyy wrote:This is a great post! I feel exactly like you. I want a loving and trusting relationship. Seems like everyone is in a relationship but im not sure if its loving. I didn't think about being celibate until reading this post. It has been a while since I have done anything and I agree sex does complicate things. Its satisfying for that second, but when it's over with you still have that feeling of dissatisfaction. I am patiently waiting on God to send me the right one. I used to get depressed but once I prayed to him and had a conversation it made me feel a whole lot better. Let's see if I can do this Smile

Soflyy. You can do all things through Christ which strengthens you. You will be blessed by your obedience. (Obedience is better than sacrifice) stay encouraged and remember we are here to encourage one another!
SN: what church do you attend, I use to live in Orlando I was a member at new destiny. With Zachery tims. I'm planning a visit but I want to visit another church so if you have any ideas of a church let me know thanks in advance
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Re: single and venting...

Post by SoFlyy on 2nd December 2010, 6:51 pm

Thanks. That's funny. I attend that church. I heard Southside was a good church and Antioch which is close to UCF.
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Re: single and venting...

Post by Sebastain13 on 5th December 2010, 11:47 pm

I met a man 2 yrs ago & before I had met him I had been sex free for 2yrs It was very freeing for me because I got to know who I was As my pastor says everyone has a past & thats what it is I have left it there The man does not want to be in a relationship I thought that once he got to know me & who I was he would change his mind You cannot change people they have to want to change for themselves I started going to church in April 10 I went to this church that my girlfriend had recommended to me about 2-3 yrs ago I went & havent stopped since I became a member July 10 Each time that I attend I learn so much more about who I am as a woman mother friend employee etc I really love who I am now & I realized that this man that is my friend I dont want to be with him now or later It is a difficult to be sex free as well as living saved they both are difficult but with Gods love I will get through this but Im very happy The things that I have learned from going to church makes me the woman that I have become today
It is a challenge being the women that we are but if we keep our heads up continue to encourage each other & learn the power of PRAYER we will overcome Keep up the good work
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Re: single and venting...

Post by preciouslady on 9th December 2010, 2:29 am

Wow I am just reading this and it is SOOOOO encouraging! I too have made up in my mind that sex is not worth it! It is not worth going to hell over. For a long time I felt like sex was an addiction for me and I had to have it. The man I was with, we had been together off & on for well over 6yrs. It seemed as if he had nothing else to offer besides sex eventhough he claimed he was really trying to be a good man for me-Yeah right! I tried to justify my wrongs to make them right because I knew we weren't even meant to be together. One day I got tired and fed up and said enough was enough. I have decided that I am going to do whatever it takes so that I won't look back because I don't want to fail God. I have started praying daily and especially during those times I feel weak and feel like giving in. I am going to press my way through because I know this can be done. I am encouraged and I hope you ladies stay encouraged!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by naturally.yours on 12th December 2010, 5:38 pm

I have never been in a serious relationship. Shocked When I was younger I was not interested in giving one person my undivided attention, but now that I am older it (companionship) is something I long for. The problem I have, and this is part of the reason why I am still single, is that I attract guys (or maybe I am subconsciously attracted to these types of guys) that are more interested in getting something from me than getting to know me. No Once they realize that they will not be getting anything from me, it does not take long for them to disappear. Sad

Sometimes I am fearful of growing old alone, and as each year passes I do become more afraid for my future. I do not know; I guess I will try to remain positive about my situation. Embarassed
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Re: single and venting...

Post by iculukin on 17th December 2010, 2:03 pm

naturally.yours wrote:I have never been in a serious relationship. Shocked When I was younger I was not interested in giving one person my undivided attention, but now that I am older it (companionship) is something I long for. The problem I have, and this is part of the reason why I am still single, is that I attract guys (or maybe I am subconsciously attracted to these types of guys) that are more interested in getting something from me than getting to know me. No Once they realize that they will not be getting anything from me, it does not take long for them to disappear. Sad

Sometimes I am fearful of growing old alone, and as each year passes I do become more afraid for my future. I do not know; I guess I will try to remain positive about my situation. Embarassed

OMG these past few months I have been attracting guys that are looking for some fast tail... they start off being smooth talking then once the subject comes up about sex and I say I am not having sex any they find ways to get out of the conversation quick. I had one guy tell me to keep up the good work cause he couldnt do it and that when I was ready to call him...smh... UGH!

I completely feel you on the growing old along thing... I am the last of my friends who are single... which means I have to listen to all the things their men are doing all the dates they are going out on... heck i even babysit their kids.... I think this is torture but I still cant imagine having sex with a man just because of my own insecurities... the best advice I can give and need to take myself is to keep your head up and dont settle for just anyone but the right one! You can do it!!
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Re: single and venting...

Post by mokacoffey on 18th December 2010, 6:38 pm

Little vent: it seems so many girls around me are getting engaged & married lately. And here I am so very single! Not even remotely close to getting married:-(... I'm happy for them but totally wish it was me. I wanna be married too, darnit! I know God has someone super awesome planned, but where the heck is he?? Lol. Anyway- I'm just trying to stay focused & only have little moments of jealously that pass quickly. Oh well. Yeah. Just wanted to share that.... It's funny cause I know so many ppl who aren't Christians who are always in a relationship. I know they probably aren't healthy ones, but dang. It's hard waiting and waiting in the right mindset too.

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